I hadn't talked to Chad in two days. I refused to be the first one to speak. Though the silence was killing me, I knew that talking would be even worse. Seeing him with another girl after he spent the night with me hurt, but it hurt even worse when he offered no explanation.
Maybe I was overreacting, but every time I thought about Chad I got this sinking feeling, like our ship had sailed. What drove me crazy, was that I had no idea what I'd done wrong.
Thoughts of him polluted my mind nearly all day, wondering a million things. I thought we really had something. I thought he was different.
To top it all off, my dad was leaving tomorrow morning. Tonight we were going bowling, just the two of us. One last hurrah before he left.
I grabbed a jacket from my closet and pushed my arms through the sleeves. Fall was now in full swing, bringing cold air along with it. I heard a beep outside my window, and rushed to the door, meeting my dad in the driveway.
"Ready kiddo?" He asked, calling out to me from the driver's side.
I loved that he still called me kiddo. So much had changed in the years since my parents had split, but when I was hanging out with my dad, it was if everything was exactly the same. "Ready!" I called to him, walking to the car and taking a seat next to him.
"I'm sorry I can't stay longer" he apologized, "Apparently nothing can function in my absence" he said it jokingly, but his annoyed expression gave him away.
"That's okay, I understand."
Those words had been my go to ever since the split. Mommy and Daddy are going to spend some time apart; 'that's okay, I understand'. When my father got his own apartment in our hometown, It isn't permanent, sweetie; 'that's okay, I understand'. When they announced the divorce, Daddy and Mommy are getting a divorce. It's important you know that it's not your fault, we both love you; 'that's okay, I understand'. When he moved to New York, 'that's okay, I understand'. When he couldn't visit, 'that's okay, I understand'. They seemed to be all I could say when I was disappointed.
We soon arrived at the bowling alley. I took to program our names in, while my dad ordered us pizza and pop. Just as I'd finished tying my vintage bowling shoes, he arrived, handling the tray and pitcher with cups like a pro-waiter.
We played a few games, my dad winning every one, until both of us were full and worn out. "Home?" he asked, looking over at me. I nodded in return, untying my shoes and sliding my other ones back on.
The drive home was quiet, until my dad spoke up. "So I talked to your mom," he started, "and I want you to come spend Christmas break with me. She said it was up to you" he looked hopeful, glancing back and forth between the road and me.
"Of course!" I didn't get to visit my dad often, and I loved the city, especially in the winter. "Thanks for inviting me dad, I can't wait" I told him, my mind on Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and the list of Broadway shows I wanted to see.
We were soon in my driveway, saying our goodbyes. "I'll see you soon, honey" he promised before pulling away, "I love you".
"I love you too, Dad." I responded, waving as he went.
Once inside, I let myself check my phone for the first time that night. No text from Chad. I felt the sinking feeling again, so I grabbed my laptop and began mapping out what I wanted to do while in the city.
No matter how many Broadway shows I looked up, or how many attractions I researched, my mind kept returning to Chad. Damn him. He wasn't even in school the past couple of days, or at least not that I saw. He hadn't even showed to pick me up.
I just couldn't let it go. Nothing about it made sense to me. I began drifting off, an episode of Gossip Girl playing on my laptop, when I heard a familiar noise at my window.
I paused the show and got up, peering through the glass. There he was. Two days of silence and here he is at my window at midnight. I opened it and waited for him to speak. "Can I come in?" He called to me.
I shrugged, "Sure", and stood back, giving him room to climb in. Once he was inside, Chad plopped down on my bed. "What do you want?" I asked.
"Someone's sassy tonight" he remarked, leaning back.
"Well what do you expect?" I was getting annoyed, crossing my arms.
"I thought you'd be happy to see me" he looked confused.
I didn't know what to say to that. Even though I was confused and angry, I was happy to see him. "I haven't heard from you since you spent the night, and then went on a date with someone else" I retorted, my words venomous.
Chad reached out to me, seizing my arms and pulling me to him so that I was standing between his parted legs. "Don't be like that, babe" he said.
I could smell the whiskey and cigarettes on his breath when he spoke. My nose crinkled. "Why are you here?" I asked.
"I wanted to see you, obviously."
"Why are you drunk?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you." I could tell I'd made the wrong move. "It's not like you're my girlfriend" he went on.
It stung. I knew I wasn't his girlfriend. But I thought I was something.
"Then why are you here to see me, and not one of your other girls" I spit.
"Don't talk to me about other girls" He said angrily, "Just because I slept over and hung out with a girl the next day doesn't mean shit. If I remember correctly, you spent the night at mine and then went right back to Dylan the next chance you got."
The stinging intensified.
"You should go" I told him, defeated.
"You know what, you're right. I don't need this shit from you. I can get drunk whenever I want, and I can smoke as much as I want, and I can be with whoever the fuck I want."
Tears sprang in my eyes as he stumbled out the window, just like he came. I collapsed in my bed, allowing them to fall. What was wrong with him? I was even more confused and hurt than I was before.
He was the person I thought, after all.