I woke up practically smiling the next morning. I couldn't believe that I had almost backed out on my date with Chad, and how wrong that would have been.
It was Saturday and I was thankful for the opportunity to sleep in. I'd been cramming schoolwork and college applications into the week and it had started to feel like I was becoming an insomniac. I got up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater before calling Zac.
"Details. Now," he said, skipping hellos completely.
"It was good," I said, smiling again.
"And..."
"I don't know. It was just good, okay?"
"So what did you guys do?"
"He took me to the Cheesecake Factory," I told Zac, flopping back down onto my bed.
"Damn, big spender."
"I know," I said. "I felt kinda bad."
"Don't, after all the shit he's put you through, you deserve it."
I laughed, "You know, I thought the exact same thing."
"So, was that it?" Zac asked, obviously expecting more.
"Kinda," I said, realizing that a good, normal date with Chad was boring compared to our usual cycle. "He just took me home and I kissed him."
"Wait," Zac said, finally sounding intrigued. "You kissed him."
"Yeah. I've decided something. He doesn't get to control everything, you know? I'm tired of just being so reactive."
"Wow," there was a pause. "I don't know where this sudden confidence came from, but I'm glad it finally showed up."
"Me too," I smiled.
Zac and I talked for a few minutes later before he had to hang up -- something about checking in with his mom. I opened my laptop and pondered how to spend my day when an idea struck. I clicked the search bar and started typing: colleges in Seattle.
A list appeared on the screen and I scanned it, there were several. University of Washington, Seattle University, City University of Seattle, Cornish College of the Arts; the list went on.
I bookmarked a few and did the same for Portland. Portland State University, University of Portland, Reed College, Pacific Northwest College of Art, and more. I bookmarked a few of those too before clicking through pictures and informational pages.
There were some really good schools there, schools that I knew Chad could get into. I sighed. It's not like he would apply unless I forced him.
That's when the second lightbulb of the day went off. I shut my laptop and shoved it into a shoulder bag and slipped a pair of knit boots on.
"I'm going to work on college applications, be back later," I called to my mom, who was in the livingroom surrounded by a mound of papers.
"Yeah, see you," she said, clearly too distracted to care.
I tossed by bag into the back seat of the Volvo and said a little prayer that it wouldn't poop out before I got to Chad's.
I pulled into his driveway and slammed the rusty door shut only a few minutes later. But I stopped short as I approached the door. I could hear yelling from inside, but I couldn't make out the voices. I knew I should turn around and leave, but I was frozen.
Just as I'd prepped myself to move, the door swung open and Chad stomped out, throwing on his leather jacket. He was so inside his head that he almost ran into me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, there was an edge to his voice but I could tell he was sincerely confused.
"I, um.. I just came to see you," I said, backing up. "I'll go. S-sorry," I stammered, turning.
"No, wait," Chad said, grabbing my arm. "Let's go somewhere."
I smiled.
"Anywhere."
I handed Chad the keys and let him lead the way. The drive was quiet, but not wholly uncomfortable. I could tell Chad was on edge from whatever was going on at home, and as much as I wanted to ask, I didn't want to upset him.
We drove for awhile, and it seemed as if he didn't know where he was going, just driving, ragged breaths nearly fogging the winshield. We still hadn't spoken when he took a sharp right turn onto a backroad. Before I could yell at him for driving like a madman, we were parked. It was the same spot where we swam and drank with his friends.
"Is this okay?" he asked, taking off his seatbelt.
I wasn't quite sure what he meant but quickly realized that no matter what it was, the answer was going to be yes.
He opened his door and I did the same, following him through the brush to the spot we went to last time. I was grateful I chose to wear jeans as branches continued to poke at my legs. I followed behind Chad, which helped a little, he cleared the brush as we went.
Once we were to the spot, Chad flopped onto the ground and stared up at the bright, but chilly sky. I sat next to him, folding my legs to my chest.
"Chad?" I asked, taking a deep breath.
He didn't say anything, but averted his eyes to mine.
"What's going on?"
There was a long pause and I was grateful that there wasn't an immediate blow up on his end.
"Where do I start?"
"Wherever you want," I said, shifting to lie next to him.
"I wish my dad would just leave."
I furrowed my brow. It was sort of a hard concept for me to grasp. My dad did leave, and it sucked.
"Really?" I finally responded.
"Yeah. He fights with all of us, all the time. We'd just be better off."
I nodded and grabbed his hand, "What's his deal?"
"Again, where do I begin?"
"Wherever you want," I repeated.
And once he started talking, it came out in earthquakes. His voice shook as he recalled being hit as a child to the now-normal fist fights. He squeezed my hand as he recounted the disrespect his mom dealth with. And he leaned into me as he trailed off talking about how his father is greedy and brings around all the wrong people.
I was beginning to understand more about Chad the more he talked. Why he always pushed back when something emotional happened, why he was always so protective over me, why he never wanted me around his family.
I wanted to lean over and kiss away his tears like I saw in an old movie. But I didn't. This wasn't a time for kissing, no matter how innocent. So I just sqeezed his hand a little tighter and let his body quake against my side.
We sat like that until the sun began to set.
"It's so pretty," he said, staring upward.
I nodded, following his gaze.
"So, what brought you to my house today, anyway?"
"Oh," I chuckled, turning to face him. "I was going to force you to apply to colleges."
"Really?" He laughed. "Well, maybe I'll take a raincheck."
"Oh," I gave him a devilish smile, "You don't have a choice."
"Aren't you confident?" He raised his eyebrows. "It's kind of sexy."
"I sure am," I said and kissed the base of his throat. "Now, let's take you home, Cohen."
"Window?" He asked, a cheeky smile played at his lips.
"You wish."
