My heart was torn having heard his words. Part of me wanted to turn back and see what would happen, but the walls he's previously knocked down had been slowly rebuilding themselves. I resisted and walked through the doorway, not even letting myself look back.
I stopped in the kitchen when I noticed that was where my friends had migrated to. "Well well well," Zac said when I'd reached their circle. "if it isn't little miss skinny dip" he teased. I punched his shoulder playfully. I noticed that my friends were holding full shot glasses and that I'd walked in at just the right time. "Want one?" he offered, handing me a miniature glass off the counter.
I took it from him and clinked it with the rest of my friends, in cheers. The vodka burned slightly as it slid down my throat, but instantly warmed my chest. I partook in a few more rounds before deciding I needed a bit of a break. My balance had started to waver and I could feel myself slipping into an unmistakable drunk state.
It was as if the alcohol went straight to my bladder, and I excused myself to the bathroom yet again. As I navigated the dark hallway, I felt a lump on the ground and promptly face planting onto the floor.
The lump, or rather person, moved just slightly to maneuver from underneath me. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I realized I'd just tripped over Chad's leg. Why always him?
Chad didn't say anything but did lift a bottle of whiskey to his mouth and take a hearty swig. I was in a state of awkward shock. I didn't know if I should speak to him, and if so, I didn't even know what to say. Should I leave?
Instead, I scooted so I was also leaning against the wall next to him and asked, "can I have a sip?"
Chad handed me the bottle and I took a long gulp. "Woah there", it was the first thing he'd said to me.
I smiled and handed his bottle back. "Thanks" I said. So much for that hiatus I was planning to take. I could feel myself slipping farther away from sobriety. "Why are you sitting here in the dark?" I asked.
Chad shrugged and offered me the bottle again. What the hell, I thought and took it from his outstretched hand. "Why are you drinking by yourself?" I asked, handing the bottle back to him.
"I wasn't really in the mood to be with people" he said, still looking straight ahead.
"Why did you stay at the party then?"
"Too sober for my liking, too drunk to drive home" he explained, passing the bottle back.
"Why do you want to be drunk?" I countered.
"Things hurt less when your drunk."
I got the feeling he was referring to me walking out on our earlier conversation. I didn't know what to do then, and I was still clueless. There was a hint of anger boiling within me, though. Anger that he did and said awful things to me and he was the one hurt. I held onto that anger and replied, "That's rich", a bitter laugh escaping my lips.
"What?" he frowned.
"You lead me on and then hook up with someone else. You say awful things to me, and YOU are the one hurt?" I scoffed.
There was a beat of silence and I could practically hear my heart racing out of anger and anticipation.
"I know I fucked up. But you're not so innocent yourself. I practically tell you I'm falling for you and not only did you walk away, then I find you making out with some square in the pool?! What kind of shit is that?" his voice was beginning to rise and I was glad the part of the house we were in was deserted.
I wanted to yell at him and tell him how wrong he was. But was he? I was just as bad as he was. I couldn't help but laugh. "What's funny?"
My laughing subsided, but an amused smile lingered. "We really are a perfect match. Fucked up, but perfect."
I could tell he shared in my amusement as he slung an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him. This moment had gone from angry to comfortable in a matter of seconds. After a few moments of just sitting there, Chad got up and offered a hand to help me do the same.
"Where are we going?" I asked, standing to my feet.
"I wanna show you something" Chad replied, leading me down the hallway.
I followed him into a bedroom. What the hell are we doing here? I knew Chad wasn't like that, so though I was confused I was still completely at ease. Chad walked across the carpet and to a window. He pushed open the glass and pulled over a desk chair to stand on. "Chad, what are you doing?" I asked.
"What does it look like?" he replied with a mischievous smile. Chad climbed out, onto the roof. Once he'd balanced himself alright, he reached out for me. I toyed with the thought of turning back, but I somehow trusted Chad. I climbed onto the chair and gave him my hand, allowing him to help me out on the roof too.
"You're crazy" I laughed, as we took a seat close to the edge.
"Part of my charm."
I gazed out at what I could see of our sleepy suburban town from our perch. It was mostly dark, aside from the street lamps and a few houses and businesses. I looked over to my side, and saw that Chad had lied back and was gazing at the view of the stars. I gave up on suburbia and joined him. "Do you know the constellations?" I asked.
"Some of them" Chad told me, "There's Orien's Belt. And there's the Little Dipper."
I smiled, following his finger to map out the constellations above us. "I went to the planetarium as a kid, but I forgot most of them." I admitted.
"I used to be super into astronomy when I was younger."
"Really?" I asked.
Chad nodded, "Yeah, I used to have all these books about it and a telescope. But then one time my dad got drunk and angry and he smashed it."
I frowned, picturing a miniature Chad crying over his broken telescope, pieces shattered on the floor.
"After that, I didn't find as much interest in it."
"You don't talk about your dad much" I pointed out.
"Yeah, well he's kind of an asshole"Chad said, bluntly.
I stayed quiet for a moment, not wanting to push him. My thoughts drifted to his mother. I'd only met her once but her kind eyes and soft smile led me to believe she was far from the asshole Chad claimed his father is. This brought on a million questions, but I wouldn't let myself ask a single one.
Instead, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. As I leaned back, I felt Chad's arm snake around my back, pulling me closer. And for the first time, and under a blanket of burning stars, Chad kissed me. He didn't rush it. It was soft and slow, but no less satisfying.
It was just a single kiss, but as I retook my place lying next to him, Chad said, "I've been dying to do that since middle school."
I smiled. Just as giddy as a love struck middle schooler.
