A Little Bit Stronger

Chapter Fifteen

   "Hi Mom..." I said taking a step into her room. She looked like hell. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess, she had a few bruises on her face and arms. I was getting chocked up just seeing her like this. I could tell she was sober for once and going through with drawls. I had no clue what to say and apparently neither did she. What is the protocol for what to talk about the first time you see your mother after she attempts suicide? 

     "Martin left me, baby." She said looking down. This wasn't the first time he had left her so why did it have such a huge impact now? I very highly doubted that this would be the last time. 

   "I'm sorry mom," I walked over to her bed and grabbed her hand. A tear slipped down her cheek. I wanted to feel sorry for her, I really did deep down, but I couldn't after everything he did to me for all these years. I'm glad that the asshole is gone. 

     "The bastard left me for a slut he found online. Took our money and up and left." My mom was bawling now. Each word coming out in a short gasp of breath. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze in a shallow attempt to make her feel better. 

     "Its okay, Momma. He doesn't deserve us. You'll get better and figure it out." She kissed my head and leaned back on the bed, closing her eyes. 

     "I need him, baby. I don't wanna get better without him."

     "No you don't, Mom. He's an ass." I assured her. Again, I was having to play the mother and take care of her. 

    "Without him I am nothing. I can't live without him." She whined. 

     "Mom, don't say that. You'll be fine without him. You have me. That's enough right?" I asked, a hint of pleading creeping into my voice.

     "No its not. I don't want you. I want Martin!" She yelled at me.

     "You don't mean that, Mom. You're just angry." 

     "Yes I do, Lacey. I would have had a perfect life if you had never come along. You are a mistake and you ruined my life. I would trade you any day to get Martin back. Now, be a good girl and get a nurse for mom." She told me with not a trace of sympathy in her voice. Her words cut like blades. I stood dumbfounded for a moment. 

     "You know what, Mom? Go screw yourself." I said, turning on my heel and walking out of the room. I didn't shed a tear until I got to my own room. Tears fell down my face, slowly then all at once. I couldn't stop. I cried and cried until I could hardly breath. Finally, at some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with tear stained cheeks and a horrid headache.