Maze Runner Imagines/ Preferences

Alone | Thomas

Ok so basically I didn't know what to write so I decided to make a chapter dedicated to me, mainly cause I feel shitty right now. so here are my feelings :o

-

Alone.

The word rang around my head like a ball bouncing in an empty hallway. It echoed and taunted me.

I always felt alone. Even when I laugh, it's empty. My smile fades quickly. Everything is numb. I could stand with the whole glade, and yet be alone.

I'm scared. My thoughts seems to consume me. I want to talk to someone, but no one would care. I'm lost.

I think about suicide on a daily basis, no one would care. I think about people's reaction if I were to actually have the guts to kill myself. I find myself getting lost inside my head of endless torture while people try to talk to me.

I wish Prince Charming could come and save me from my thoughts. Away from the glade. Away from everything.

I want somebody to make me feel wanted. Loved.

Even my bestfriend Thomas can't save me.

He knows me so well, he sees through my sadness and does everything he can. But it's not enough.

I can't help the way I feel.

I hate myself more then anyone ever could. I have so many negative thoughts and I can't live with it anymore.

I've waited so long for life to get better, but nothing's happened.

Singing is my only outlet. I get random peeks at songs, like flash backs. I sing badly but it helps me cope instead of hurting myself. I've been down the road of self harm, I never want to go back.

But sometimes it feels like my only option.

I'll get random spikes of sadness. Sometimes I can't get out of bed. The thought of facing the world makes me sick.

I'm over weight, no doubt. And I've been fighting so many urges of throwing up after meals and starving myself. I think about it constantly. How skinny id be.

But I won't do it. I don't know what's stopping me, but I just can't.

Everyone seems to laugh at me, or hate me.

I don't see a purpose anymore in life. I'm trying. I really am. I wish I could find someone who would hold me forever. Thomas helps, but he can't get in my head and take the nasty thoughts.

I hope one day, I'll be able to say, "I made it."

-
So this is everything. It's basically my rant and I'm really sorry I'm s sad potato right now I tried to include things from the glade but it's mostly based on me.

pls don't feel bad for me, cause I don't want pity. Writing and singing help me a lot so yeah.

my friends think I can sing but ew no.

I really really really hope no one understands how I feel because you all are beautiful beans and you mean so much to me.

you deserve more then you give yourself credit for and its not fair. girl give yourself some credit bc ur so damn amazing stahp

i love you all so much pls don't be sad :,(

-Evieee

claudia is off to polish school

yes, i am polish

off to three hours of torture bye

btw, evie is an amazing person, and I've been through the same thing too so girl just hold your head up bc no matter what its just a bad day not a bad life

k bye

dowidzenia dzieczaki

kocham ciebie bardzo