A Story To Tell | Book 2

.1.

:::CHRIS:::

Vanessa walked out of the bathroom of my studio apartment with the saddest face I'd ever seen. She even looked beautiful when she was upset. Although this wasn't the time to be admiring her beauty, I held my arms open as she dived into them, laying on top of me. She was about to cry, but I wanted to stop that quick. I couldn't stand to hear or see a beautiful woman cry.

Wiping her eyes, I stare into them, falling in love with her all over again.

I've never felt this way about another woman and it was scaring the shit out of me. I was already in too deep in love with her. Words couldn't explain the feelings that I had for this woman. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have bothered to move down here to Palatka where there's really nothing to look forward to. But if I could get her away from her family and force her to move with me to Georgia in about a year or two, things would be perfect.

For now, we're taking things as slow as possible.

One of the reasons being what's going on with her now. And another reason is the fact that she doesn't know that I'm actually a girl.

As bad as I want to tell her the truth, the love I had for her just wouldn't allow it. It hurt me deep down because I know that Vanessa isn't into women like me. She wants a man to take care of her. Not a woman. And I can understand that. But my heart just won't let me be honest with her. I wanted her to believe that I was the man of her dreams. I did everything for her and she loves me because of that. It just hurt deep down because I can't be a real man and do things that I really wish that I could do to her full figure. Only thing I could offer was some tongue. But my tongue was to remain in my mouth until this situation she was going through was over. I'd really love to make love to her right now.

"Baby, don't cry. It's going to be okay." I tell her as I plant kisses all over her round and beautiful face as she sniffled, trying to hold the rest of her tears back. "I know you didn't want to do it, but you had to do what you had to do. And I'm never going to judge you for that. So stop crying, baby."

She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight, satisfied with my response. I was satisfied, too. And although I couldn't relate to the pain and the feelings, I could see the hurt and pain she was enduring. I wish that I could take that pain away, but we all know that I couldn't, no matter what I did.

"I just don't think God will ever forgive me for this." She spoke, softly.

"Baby, God forgives. Even when they're wrong, he forgives." I say, thinking about my situation. "God knows you did this only because you felt it was best. He understands your circumstances and he's never going to stop loving you, regardless."

I swear, this girl loved talking about God and what he's done for her, how blessed she is, how she can't wait to join him, and how Sundays is her favorite day of the week. She was into church just a tad bit heavy, which was cool. I'm not saying she was all Holy and felt she couldn't do no wrong, but she praised God. He was her number one priority. And talking about God kind of made me feel hypocritical.

Here I am, trying to give her words of wisdom, but I'm laying right underneath her, sinning the child of God. God doesn't like it when you hurt his children. I understood that. But, I just couldn't get right. I tried to avoid these Godly conversations with her because of this situation.

My body tensed up a little bit at the thought of God being disappointed in me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

No matter how many times I go to church with Vanessa, praising God, and thanking him for everything he's done for me, I'm still up in there being a hypocrite.