Everlasting love - Niam

Chapter 2

Needing someone isn't beautiful or romantic it's fucking painful. I can't even begin to describe the pain.The feeling of needing and wanting someone you can no longer have.
The continuous ache in my chest never seems to fade, and it hurts when you've given your all to one person thinking that it's forever only for them to break your heart.

I hate him for everything he has put me through, for leaving me so broken and having to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and try to put myself together.

I hate him for making leaving me look so easy.

I put my head in my head, rubbing my eyes as I fight the tears that dare to fall.

"Mr. Horan are you alright?" Mr. Browne asks, I lift my head up and nod my head apologising for not paying attention. He gives me a look of concern.

"Come see me after class Mr. Horan" he says before he turns back to the class.

"As I was saying I'm going to give you a journal and I'll give you a topic to write about each lesson, now this journal is only to be seen by your eyes only" He says, a pile of notebooks in his hand.

"I want you to express your feelings with each topic" He says beginning to walk to each desk, placing the book in front of each student.

When he gets to me, I look at the journal, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Now the first topic is, I want you to tell me what it means to be a teenager" he says "obviously I was once a teenager but things are different now days. Being a teenager now is much more different than in the past. You have half an hour, begin"

I open up the notebooks, staring at the blank page, I grab out a pen and begin to write.

You ask me what it means to be a teenager. Well, a teenager by definition is a person between the age of 13 and 19, but that is not what it really means to BE a teenager.

Being a teenager means constant stressing and sadness. Being a teenager means not having anyone to turn to even though everyone wants to turn to you.

Being a teenager means not having control over anything like what you wear or who you like because you are afraid of what someone will think of you. It means holding in your feelings because there is no one there who will listen even though everyone wants to be listened to. Being a teenager means despising high school.

Being a teenager means waking up at the butt crack of dawn in order to get ready to go to a place where everyone judges everyone, to go a place where the teachers can care less about how you are feeling or what is going on outside of their 12 ft by 12 ft classroom. It means choosing school over sleep because your grades are more important than your health.

It means staying up until the wee of the night in order to finish homework you were too tired to do during the day, after 8 hours of school and 4 hours of sleep.

Being a teenager means not having time for anyone or yourself but trying to make time anyway.

Being a teenager means putting on a smile as everyone walks by yet crying your eyes out while on one is watching.

Being a teenager means being too scared to express your feelings about something in fear of someone making fun of you even though many people think just like you but do not want to say anything.

Being a teenager means "Falling in love" constantly with the wrong people even though it feels right at the time but in reality, you are with them just because you enjoy feeling wanted. 

It means when you've finally thought that you've found the one they do nothing but break your heart, leaving you hallow and broken.

It means being told by adults that you should not be stressing because you are a kid but really, all you can do is stress.