Frozen inside (Kellic)

chapter 18

Kellin's pov~

I open the door to Vic. He has on a gray sweater, and dark jeans. I smile as I realize he has band merch on, on his wrists...He's addicted to this damn rock music like I wish I was committed to something like that.

"Come on in." I say, as I hold his hand, motioning him to come inside.

Vics pov~

Walking into Kellin's house was strange. His house was so different than him as an overall person. The floors were wooden, and his walls were a deep, sensual gray color, along with the ceiling, which was  beige.

Candles were along every wall as you walked in the enlarged hallway, and it smelt sweet, like peppermint. Which made  me grow an odd sort of craving for hot chocolate at the moment, "it smells nice in here..." mumbled to myself, as we walked up stairs to his room. His house was bigger than mine, and it felt safer here.

As I got inside his room I noticed a giant flat-screened T.V., a huge queen-sized bed, a small sofa, that faces towards the T.V.; and of course a bathroom, and a closet.

I gazed at everything, and then back to him, "You are so spoiled." I pointed out, plopping myself on his couch.

He snorted, "and why is that?"

I shrugged, "uh...look at the place why don't you?"

He looked around, and shrugged, "I don't know...I guess so." He said, and then walked over to the T.V., he then turned it on and Netflix appeared on the screen.

I shot up in surprise, "Um, Woah, we're not going to-"

But Kellins laughter broke me off from what I was  about to day, "Netflix and Chill? The fuck? I just wanted to watch a movie.." He snickered, an  it made me laugh, too.

As we calmed down, he sat beside me. I gazed at him for awhile until I realized it was actually him. I was actually his boyfriend, an  this as  actually his house, and I was actually allowed to do anything that I wanted with him...not in that way, though...it was just a thought. I doubt sex would ever happen with me...with my body.

He then touched a warm finger to my wrists, "what is it with you and these...bands? Why are they so important to you?" he asked me softly, resting his head on my shoulder. I was shocked at the action. But I went with it.

Kellin's pov~

After I had hesitantly put my head on his shoulder, I relaxed, touching my shoulder to his and pointing a finger at his bracelets. I sigh, "what is it with you and these...bands? Why are they so important to you?" I had asked him, as I played with his fingers. Although he was utterly stiff for a few seconds, he then slowly became less tense.

I gazed up at his now distant expression, his emotions were a mixture of pain and happiness, I'd like to compare  it in analogy to Love. That's what I think Love is, pain an  happiness , you're giving that special person you're heart and they're giving you theirs and in a way you trust each other not to break it; unless someone makes the first shot...slowly ripping it away until you have nothing left. It's the pain of knowing that they could drop your heart, or rip it away quickly without you even realizing it, is where the fear comes from.

"Well..." He spoke after what seemed forever, breaking the bitter silence of my nightmares creeping in, "in times at my lowest moments, I'd put on this music, and listen to the lyrics, and they made me feel like I was worth it, that...that I had meant something to the world. And when I was about to kill myself, I had-" he broke off, and as I gazed up his eyes were red glass, he quickly dried his tears before they even formed, though,

"It's just so emotional. I have a special connection to music, and  my guitar, that nobody can understand, I've been through a lot and this type of music is the only thing that really calms me, it helps me a lot and...this is my commitment, I won't ever forget the band's, the band members, the merch, music will always be apart of my life." He had finished. And there was a type of envy that came across me when he finished.

I realized I wanted to be loved by Vic, the way that he loved music.

I nod, taking in every detail about what he had just said, and I kissed him, and it was different. I let my lips collide into his warm, soft ones and I sat in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, this kiss meant that everything was going to be okay, and this kiss meant, that I wanted to love him.

I don't like seeing him in pain and colliding my lips to his, and escaping earth an  going into alienation with Vic Fuentes felt like TH  only way of telling him. He put his arms around my waist and grinder into me, as soft moans escaped my lips.

He pulled away, slowly, but sensual and passionately, and gave me a loving, sideways smirk, "I'm learning..." He paused, "to love you."

I then stopped, stiffened by words, letting my head speak because  I was  lost, "me..too, actually." I said, and shocked myself.

He smiled to me, "you don't know what this means to me."