Frozen inside (Kellic)

chapter 22

Vics pov~

"So all things are good with you and Kellin?" Diego had asked me throughout the phone. It was a cold day, the clouds were a dark gray color and the season was transitioning into Autumn; the haze already in the midst of the afternoon blurring my vision a bit. Diego and I didn't talk much, but he was one of Tony 's bestfriends, so I guess he cared about the whole situation and what happened.

I nodded, "I'm actually heading to his house right now." I smiled.

He sighed, "but...Wow I still can't believe how he confessed and came out like that...sure he got all that shit on instagram but today was different...I can see that he loves you; it's freaky.." He trailed  off.

I laughed at his dark humor and bit my lip, "how's Shannon?" I had asked him. Not that I didn't already know how she was; she was my bestfriend beside Tony...I'd just came back from her house, quite honestly...Just any thing to stay away from mine.

But I needed to make conversation, or either hang up, sadly  I chose the first option, "She's good, she's good...we'd just.." He trailed off, his voice an octave higher; he was nervous...But then I got it. Shannon didn't tell me, she'd probably tell me tomorrow but...Wow. they've been going out to  two years, and all of our others friends have...am I the only virgin?

"oh."

"Yeah..speaking of that...have you and Kellin..?"

I shook my head, "nope...I don't think- I just-"

"I see.."

"Yeah" I exhale, this is officially awkward, "well, I gotta fly, catch you later." I had said, a phrase I picked up from Kellin. He said bye an  I hung up.

I knock lightly on Kellins door.

Almost a second later, he greeted me. But he looked different; he had gotten a tattoo on his arm...no..five. But why? And his hair, n ow that I had noticed, was longer, it was dark and messy which matched his powdery white skin and green eyes. He had on a light sweater and dark coal jeans.

"Wha-"

He smiled, but brought his lips to mine. " I'll explain, but hold on I'm gonna get something." I couldn't move my lips to make sound, I was shocked, memorizing the feeling.

A moment later, he came back with a blanket and his car keys.

In the meadow~

The stars were amazing. It was dark outside, the deep blue sky swallowed the field of grass and flowers ans insects, as if it were all a snowglobe.

I snuggled into Kellin, as the blanket lied over us, the warmth making me feel safe and secure; this felt right.

"Vic?" he had said to me.

"Hmm?" I replied, in a small voice. His arms became more relaxed around me, and we gazed at on another. I stared at his symmetrical face, and how his jaw went sharp here and there, but his full lips and dark messy hair giving him a boyish look and the forest green in his eyes that gleamed like marbles.

He smiled slightly, and touched my cheek, "do you; ever think about...us..

.doing..you know."

"Sex?" I breathed heavily, "well, of course." I said, an  It's true; I think about it all the time, I loved Kellin and giving him my body was very important to me. In my perspective..it wasn't just sex or love making, it was more...he'd be lending his body to me for a few hours because he trusts and love me enough to share it and that's beautiful. And...it just me and so much more to me than 'just sex'.

"Well...I want to..." He then turned to me, his distant eyes becoming loving, he then later down, his back on the comfortable grass, and pulled me down with him. I laughed, he was by my side now, and we were gazing at each other again.

"I want to do it...But not soon...Just..I don't know.." He told me.

I struggled for words, the anxiety creeping it's way into my nerves, "I....don't think thats a very smart idea...if we aren't safe-"

"But we'll be safe."

I glared at him, "No. you don't get it. All you care about is-"

But his eyes shot up in panic, as he leaned over to me and was more than an inch away from my face. "Vic...please..tell me what's going on with you? You seem depressed, sad, even; and as your boyfriend...please tell me." Kellin begged with sorry eyes. My cheeks then got hot and my breathing had stopped. I became distressed. Should I tell him about my father? What he does to me? Should I trust Kellin? Can I trust Kellin?

With all these questions, I began to cry. But it was for all the times in pain, from all the beatings, from all the molestation and my father taking advantage of me. I had it kept all bottled up inside of me, it sat in silence, eating away at me and fed like cancer, the guilt filling an ocean and the regret and sorrow burning in my throat and dying in my lungs.

I felt Kellins warm arms circle around me and he held me, as if he we r  putting together my broken pieces, he wiped a few tears from my cheeks, "Tell me about it.." He had whispered to me, his lips barely touching ny ear.