Ashling

Chapter 56

Suzanna's POV

"No." Tyler manages to croak out. His lower lip quivers and he presses it hard into a tight line.

The slight smile that was on his face just literally five seconds ago has vanished. Now, there's a frown on his forehead and his eyes reflect his heart; broken.

"Tyler-" I begin but he beats me to it.

"I said no. No." He squeezes his eyes shut and fists his hands.

"You need to talk about this. You need to talk about her."

"I am not gonna talk about someone who doesn't even exist."

"Yeah? So you can't talk about someone who doesn't exist, but you can mope around and give up on everything because of this someone who doesn't exist?"

"Just go. Alright? Please, Zanna. I don't wanna talk about this, I can't do this-"

I snap. "Oh, shut the fuck up!"

His hand which was raised in the air to dismiss me, stops midway and he seems taken aback by my sudden outburst. Why wouldn't he? I have never used this tone with him. And since this whole Cassandra thing has happened, Sam and I have been extremely gentle and soft spoken.

But right now, I don't care. I know this will sound lame, but I'm like a volcano that has erupted.

"You have been miserable since a week, sitting in a corner in the dark and weeping around. You don't talk, you don't eat, you don't bloody do anything! And then you expect us to just live peacefully and act like nothing's wrong?! We're your fucking best friends!" My heart is beating erratically and I have no idea why I'm screaming so much, but it's like something snapped inside of me.

"Do you know how hard, how insanely unbearable it is to see you in this condition?! All because you won't even try to move on! So you, Tyler Chase, will talk about that dream. You will talk about Cassandra and let it all out!"

I'm breathing heavily by the time I finish. Tyler's hand is still frozen midway in the air and he actually looks terrified.

"Okay." He squeaks. As much as I feel terrible for doing this to him, I know that he needs to face this. There's no other way.

"Tyler.." I take his hands in mine and hold them gently. We both sit on the couch. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. You know I would never. But this needs to be done. You need to talk."

"I don't know what to say.." He bends forward and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"How was she like?" I gently ask him.

He removes his hands and looks at the wall in front. "She was so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful. You could never get tired of looking at her. Her features were so delicate, and her hair a curtain of curly ringlets. It was almost as if looking at a porcelain doll. But as fragile as she looked, she was ultimately fierce."

I smile. Listening to him speak, talk about her, describe her, feels as if she's a real person.

"She had the most mesmerizing green eyes. They.. Those eyes saved me.. They really did.."

I sense a sort of hesitation in his tone, so I decide to give him some direction. "How was the dream like? Was it continuous in one flow?"

"That's the most unbelievable part. I was dreaming in a dream. I had these small dreams, which always ended up with someone saying - usually her saying - 'Wake up, Tyler. Wake up.' And just like that, I'd wake up.. But even then it was a dream.. And the best part was, all those dreams has some sort of message in them, something to lead me on."

Now it clicked me. Now I know why Tyler had a hard time believing it was a dream because it was so realistic! My heart aches for him, I can feel my whole body twisting with pain but I dare not break down in front of him. Not now.

"Was I.. Did I know her..? I mean, was I in the dream, too?"

"You and Sam, both were. You guys were so excited to meet her." He lets out a light laugh. "In fact, you both fell in love with her the moment I introduced her. She gifted you a bracelet with rainbow charms on your birthday. You were very happy."

I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it gently. Sam told me he had planned a surprise for my birthday, but after everything that has happened with Tyler, we both decided to call it off. He did gift me the necklace. It's amazing his Tyler's already seen it.

"I'm sure I was. She sounds lovely, Tyler."

There's exhaustion on his face as he glances at me, but he still manages to smile. God, if I ever need strength, then I want to be as strong and brave as Tyler. Yes, he's been grieving. But then again, everyone does. We all have the right to that. He has shown courage in the darkest of times, and for that I respect him a lot.

"But it was a privilege, right? Knowing her? Even if it wasn't real."

"It was real. You can't say that it wasn't. Everything I felt, everything that happened, every kiss that we shared, every time I heard her laugh.. It was real. I... I felt her. It was definitely a privilege. Even if she was just a dream..

"Sam once told me that you're his saviour. I made fun of him back then, I thought he was just exaggerating. I couldn't have been more wrong. Now I know what he meant. Because she was my saviour."

We're both quiet for some time. Then all of a sudden, Tyler speaks. "It's not fair. It's not fair.. She said she'd be here as long as there would be a need. Well, I need her. Where the fuck is she? Why the fuck isn't she here?"

"Tyler.. It was a dream-"

"I fucking know that! You don't have to remind me again and again!" His outburst caused me to flinch. My breathing rate increased and for a second I thought I wouldn't be able to talk anything further. But then some invisible force took over me and I heard my voice.

"You said she saved you. Didn't you need saving? Didn't you want someone to pull you out from your misery and steady you on your feet? This was it! This was how you were destined to stand up on your feet!"

He stands up and and starts pacing around the room, running his hand through his hair.

"What if I need saving again, huh? What if I need 'standing up on my feet' again? What, another girl will come in my dreams?!"

I can't believe how dumb he is. Jesus Christ.

"You don't get it, do you?" I get up and stand in front of him. "Your brain has the capability to weave such an intricate dream, but it doesn't have even an ounce of sense in it. You saved yourself! She was a dream, Tyler. Cassandra does not exist! Your mind created an alternate universe and through that you saved yourself. You helped yourself. Cassandra was just a figment of your imagination, a vision in your mind."

His eyes pool with tears. "I.. I.."

I cup his cheeks and gently say, "Having someone does not complete you because you are the most important person in your life. You can never give your entire self to someone else. Your being does not depend on someone else's existence. You saved yourself, Tyler."

He breaks into a loud sob and I pull him into a tight embrace. He's crying heavily, like a little kid would, and all I can do is rub his back and try and calm him down.

"You're gonna be okay, Tyler. You're gonna do great. And maybe you'll find someone someday, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll fall in love again, maybe you won't. Just keep in mind all that you gained from this dream. I promise you'll be okay."

"I saved myself.. I helped myself.. I did it.." He whispers and I smile, my heart satisfied with the feeling that this might just be the turning point for Tyler.

This ain't the ending, alright?! There's still a couple more chapters to go! There's more in store for Tyler xD
- H <3