Queen Bitch's Adventures

Why I'd be the worlds shittiest mother ever

Pebble is an inspiration. Based off of something I said on a post on Instagram. XD enjoy some Dawnie.Berlitz shit. Pebble named my naughty child Salad. Also pebble, I would be a shitty mother and you would be a shitty house keeper. Tyler/Gold wants to marry Lindsey/Yellow/White everyone knows that. Sadly I can see Ruby as a good father XD only person fitting into place. This is very 😂 bad as things I write go. Not like it's a terrible chapter like... Ehem some mature things said.

Dawn's Pov

I got out of my bed and looked at the clock.
1:34pm
Crap I overslept. Ruby had long since left for work like 4 hours ago... I hope Salad got to school fine. I get out of bed and get dressed again when I see Salad running down the stairs.
"What the fuck?! Salad you should have been in school at 8!" I yell at the crazy child running around my house.
"What?" Salad asks looking at me like she has no idea what I'm talking about.
"Salad it's Friday! I overslept I figured you're Dad would have got you to school!" I roll my eyes trying not love me life.
"Dad was gone before I was up!" Salad hangs on the stair railings.
"Okay first, I should have known that, and second get down before you kill yourself," I shake my head. "And don't think you're going to be able to skip school today. You're going in for the last hour," I say dragging her downstairs into the kitchen when my mouth drops. There is food all over the kitchen, toys everywhere, and a cabinet knocked over. I grab Salad with both hands and hold her up to the wall.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" I scream at the top of my lungs though my teeth. I simply let go and she falls to the ground. I roll my eyes not knowing what to do. Salad picks up a piece of bread up off the ground near her feet and starts to eat it
"That's it. I'm calling your father." I shake my head and grab the phone.
Salad starts tugging at my skirt.
"NOO MOM DON'T TELL DAD!" Salad pleads. Oh hell no.
"I think he deserves to know he's going to be coming home to a house his 6 year old daughter trashed," I say denying Salads request and I pick up the phone again.
"NO!" Salad hits me on the back on the head with a mango. I spin around at the speed of light.
"You skipped school, trashed my house, and now you threw a mango at me, I swear to fricken God what did I do to have a child like you?" I ask aloud.
"Daddy said its because you're a lot like me!" Salad says back.
"I guess Daddy's right. But Daddy didn't tell you how much harder than you I can throw a mango!" I say and pick up the mango she tossed at the back of my head and laser it back at her in the arm. Salad instantly starts crying.
"MOMMY!" Salad starts to cry.
"Think before you act sweetie. You're not the Queen of this house, I am. And until you are, Don't sass me, don't skip school, dorm trash my house, and don't throw anything at me. I've lived a lot longer than you, I know how this works," I carry her to her room and lock her inside. "You're staying in there until you're father gets home or I finish cleaning up this mess you made. Whatever comes last," I walk back down stairs to the phone. First, I call the maid.
"Hello... Yes... Mhmm Salad trashed the house. ... Yes again... Just please send someone to help me?" I call the company. "Oh good thanks." I hang up and dial Ruby's number. 3 rings before he picks up. How did someone as good as him get such a child like Salad. Salad is a little demon. I swear to god she's gonna be dying her hair red and dating strippers in 5th grade!
"Hello?" He answers.
"Hey Ruby," I say trying not to sound super pissed.
"What happened?" He asks. Wow either I sounded really pissed or this is routine now.
"Salad skipped school and trashed the house because I wasn't up in time!" I say starting to cry feeling stupid.
"Do you want me come home and help you?" He asks sounding genuinely worried. By now I'm full on crying.
"I'll be fine... Pebble is coming home to help me clean this up. I have Salad locked in her room do you think there's anything else I should do?" I ask trying to stop crying. Dawn... You look so stupid!
"I'm coming home to help you," he says.
"O-okay," I stutter through the tears.
"I love you," she says.
"Love you too!" And we both hang up. I slam the phone down on the counter as there's a knock on my front door. I wipe the tears along with the make up off my face. I open the door expecting to see Pebble but instead I see my neighbor Tyler.
"Oh hello." I say sniffing back the tears. At first he says nothing and just shows me a mango.
"Oh m---" I cover my face and start to cry again. "Did Salad throw that at your house?!" I cry.
"Someone in your house." He says.
"Look I'm really sorry. I could kill Salad right now," I sniff.
"Lindsey heard a crash on the side of the house. I just hope there's no damage. You know, I want all the money I have to go to making her and our daughter Nicole happy. And you know, having more children and more sex with my super sexy wife," he says.
"Yeah and I'm currently making the 'Salad goes to military school fund.,'" I sigh.
"She needs it. Just like you need a better husband," he says.
"I agree about salad, and you've used that comeback a few too many times," I say. "Well sorry about what happened to your house you can... Keep the mango?" I offer.
"Okay sure whatever," he shrugs and walks off the property. I sigh and cry a little more and pick a few things up off the floor and stick them in bins. The door bell rings again. I run to the door and see Pebble.
"What did the devil child do today?" She asks.
"See for yourself," I say backing away from the door letting her in.
"Thought of military school?" She asks looking at the mess.
"Yes," I say. "We didn't even make this much of a mess at parties in college!" I complain.
"In these parts of the house if you know what I mean there," Pebble laughs.
"For you maybe," I say as we both start to clean.
"And you. Had you not done that we probably wouldn't be here cleaning this house right now." Pebble throws a bag of trash out.
"I'm not totally sure how to respond to that," I say scrubbing at the counter.
"You say 'Pebble you're right! I should listen to you more!'" She says.
"Oh whatever. Pebble you're right! I should listen to you more!" I give in.
"Mmhh! That's right!" She laughs and we get back to cleaning in silence. A few minutes later the front door opens and Ruby walks in. I drop the vacuum where I was and run to him and hug him digging my face into his chest. He just hugs me while behind me I hear Pebble laughing and taking pictures.
"How was work?" I ask.
"It was okay. Then our friendly neighbor Tyler decided to chase me around with a hockey mask and a chainsaw," he says.
"So like everyday?" I ask.
"Pretty much sometimes he's too busy trying to make love to his beloved wife Lindsey," he says.
"Seems very accurate," I say.
"Yap yap now help me clean you're house!" Pebble says ending my moment with Ruby.
"Hey I'm paying you!" I laugh.
"True but you were helping me before and your husband came out from work because of this and..."
"Okay fine. Ruby go talk to Salad and tell that little shit she needs behavior improvement. Oh and she may or may not be crying because I threw a mango at her," I clarify.
"And we both wonder why our child is such a devil," he says heading up to Salads room. Pebble and I continue to clean. The whole downstairs looked half decent now. We washed the sharpie off the walls and picked all the trash up off the ground. Ruby comes down stairs a few minutes later.
"You will not believe what she did while you locked her in her room..." Ruby says as he comes down stairs.
"Do I want to know?" I ask slightly scared of what could have potentially happened.
"Actually probably. Pebble you come too," he says and we follow him up to Salads room where Sapphs dead body lays.
"Oh my fucking lord..." I manage.
"Is it bad that I'm proud?" Pebble asks.
"No... Because I am too... We need to get rid of the body though," I say.
"I got it," Ruby says "you and pebble tie Salad to something."
"Happy to," Pebble says and grabs some rope and ties Salad around a pole.
"This was," laughs "officially why I should not be a parent!"

~the end~

FUKING PROUD 😂😂