Queen Bitch's Adventures

A new neighbor

I have to put some violence into this or no one will read it. So I'll try.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Sean and I had came back from church to witness Salad and Sarada playing "who can break the window with a mango first." Clearly, the game went longer than I would have liked. We had two broken windows on the front of the house I nearly fainted. I was so glad that Sean worked a high paying job and my part time job on the side paid enough for the mess this ungrateful prick made. Neither of us said a thing. Sean and I got out of the car. Sean walked inside and speed dialed the window company. I walked to the door to call the kids inside when I saw a moving truck (If you couldn't predict this by the title I stg you have absolutely not brain what so ever and you need to go back to school or drop 5 grades). I stood on the porch and tried to get a better look. However I didn't get a very good look and eventually gave up and walked across the street. I saw a younger couple get out of a silver car. The guy opens the for for the girl who smiles so brightly it hurt. I walk all the way across to them and put on my best friendly-not-psychopathic-weirdo-with-murderer-daughter smile. Within a few minutes I caught the girl's attention. She paced over to me and smiled.
"Hi there," she says.
"Hey, I'm Lauren (/Dawn)," I fake "I live across the street a house down."
"Really? That's great we're just moving in today. Green, Lily, and I." She says. "Oh by the way, I'm Mackenzie (/blue)."
"Nice to meet you." I say. I look off into the distance. "I'd like to get to know you guys at one point. I'm sure Sean would like to as well. Probably Pebble and Sasuke too. I'd say Tyler would too but since his wife left he's been a bit of a grump."
She nods. "That would be great after we get all settled in."
"But first I need to warn you about Salad..."
"What?" She asks.
"She's a bit strange. If she steals anything from your house tell me I'll make her give it back, if she throws mangoes at your house I'll let you keep the mangos, just tell me if she bothers you." I say warning the new neighbors about my crazy daughter.
"Oh my..." She says.
"Just thought I'd warn you," I smile "if you ever want to get to know each other we live over there!" I point to my house and smile walking away. Suddenly Salad runs out of the house at top speed with a knife in her hand.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" I yell pushing her back towards the house. The knife in her hand cuts my arm and blood gushes down it. But living with a serial killer, it no longer fazed me. I pushed her into the house and locked the door. She was speechless.
"Sasuke and I were gonna fight..." She says trailing off.
"You know it's not really a fair fight when you have a knife and Sasuke runs for his life."
"That's exactly the point!" She says throwing her arms up.
"What did he ever do to you?" I ask getting fairly sick of her shit.
"He mocks me with mango smoothies!"
"Salad. Mango smoothies are things people enjoy," I say.
"That's just rude." She says.
"Just don't kill anyone or hurt anyone. And if you insist on going to Pebble's place to fight Sasuke keep it low profile."
"Fine mom," she rolls her eyes. With that, she leaves heading to Pebble's house and another distraction comes along. I hear screaming on the front lawn so I come outside. No surprise, Tyler and Sean are having another heated fight where they both had each other at gun point.
"OH MY GAAAAAAWWWWDDDD!" I yell and walk between the 2 of them knowing neither of them would never dare shoot me. "What's it about this time???!?!" I ask pissed off.
"Sean's refusing to admit he did a dirty role play with a guy!" Tyler blurts out.
"Mkay A, that's not true and B, we were fighting about the fact that you were trying to flirt with the new neighbor WHO IS MARRIED!" Sean says.
"I'm gonna be honest, that's not shocking at all," I say with a straight face.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean Kris?" He asks.
"You flirt with everyone now don't call me Kris cuz it's not my name," I state.
"Still," I continue, "let Tyler flirt with the neighbor. Maybe she'll put him in his place."
"Hey!" He says.
"Bye!" I say and drag Sean back into the house with me. I see a 6 year old watching us across the street. I assume that it must be Lily, the new neighbors kid. I bite my lip and say nothing. I figure she'll end up being Nicole's friend or something. Maybe because Nicole is sane. At least Sarada and Salad were friends so my daughter wasn't a complete loner. Inside I see Salad painting a picture on the beautiful white kitchen wall with fake (hopefully) blood and a knife. I scream. How.
Could.
She.
Oh wait.
It's Salad. I ignore it and on the counter I see a pamphlet for military school. And next to it I see Sasuke, Pebble, and Tyler's signatures. I plant my face in my hand. Supportive friends 101.
FuCK yOu aLl!!
Salad said nothing and continued to paint. I ran outside and trashed the yard.
Suddenly Salad came to the door and yelled,
"Lauren! Those are our belongings! How dare you break them?!"
"How dare you mimic me. And my name is mom you are not to call me by my name," I respond and walk inside. Suddenly the neighbors kid walked into our house. I dropped my weapon and pretended to be a legit person.
She looks at salad and started to "paint" with her. I had never been more confused in my life when my 6 year old daughter started teaching her proper knife painting techniques.