WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?

(16)

Tyler sat up so that his back rested against the headboard, reached for me and positioned me so I was sitting against his chest between his legs with his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I'm saying I think Cam knew your heart was about to be shattered and thought in some f*cked up way I won't even try to explain, that you'd be better dead with him than miserable with Tom..." He corrected. "The fact that he apologized just before jumping could also mean he'd understood his mistake..."

His explanation made sense.

"Ok." I said with a small shrug.

"Ok?" He repeated.

"Yes. It makes sense, I guess." I paused, unsure how to phrase my next question. "And Owen is the reason why Tom chose that night to declare his undying love for me, am I right?"

Tyler's groan was answer enough.

"Don't worry, I won't dig..." I reassured him. "I just needed to fill that blank to, you know, be able to move on..." I explained. "It's the not knowing I hate. It keeps me up at night second-guessing, it's exhausting. Thank you, anyway, I feel so much better already." And I did, and no before you start, it had nothing to do with the fact I was all loved up in his arms.

"You do?" He sounded surprised.

"Well, yeah... I now know what happened and why it happened." I answered. "I kind of feel guilty for not accepting to go up the tree with him because I might have been able to talk him out of it if I had..." I admitted.

"Don't..."

"I know... And don't worry, I won't lose sleep over that." I hurried to say.

"But you're ok with all the rest?" He asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't say ok... Sad and really mad at the two of them would be more appropriate adjectives to describe the way I feel right now..." I replied. "But sad and mad I can definitely live with..."

"What about Owen?" He asked a couple of minutes later.

"What about him?" I was confused.

He groaned and I knew he was wondering how to get his point through without revealing too much.

"No offense to your bro, Tyler but Tom is a pretty big boy and at the end of the day, he's the one who made the decision to ruin us..." I paused as angry tears fell at that. "As to Cam's subsequent gesture, once again, I was there and Owen was nowhere to see..."

He instantly tightened his hold on me and buried his head in the crook of my neck. My body didn't even stiffen. On the contrary, it seemed to melt into his touch.

"I guess you were scared I'd hate your brother, then..." I muttered a moment later.

"Do you still have feelings for Wilson?" He asked very seriously straight after.

"Do I even have to answer that?" I asked with a grimace. His silence told me that he needed to hear it because it was important to him for some reason.

I tentatively reached for his face and cupped one of his cheeks with a trembling hand. He immediately leaned into it like a kitten hungry for some petting.

"My crush was crushed when he didn't come to comfort me that night after I saw our best friend jump." I whispered. "The broken pieces were then irremediably scattered when he didn't sit next to me at Cam's funeral." I went on. "Finally, with each new day of his silence, of his pretending I didn't exist, each one of the pieces died, until there were none left." I added. "So no, I don't hate him because I don't have the energy necessary to hate somebody. But he's no longer in my heart."