The Tattoo (zayn)

Part 13

"Hey." I said entering Zayn's apartment. I hadn't been able to see him for a week after the whole thing went down with me and him, due to filming. We now we're moving into post production which didn't need me as much as filming did. Mainly I just decided key shots and how they should blend together.
"Hey." His face appeared more somber than I had seen in a while. I knew this couldn't be a good sign.
"What's wrong?" I instinctively asked him.
"We need to talk." He said with a slight raspiness to his voice.
"Ok." My heart dropped. It felt like it just fell down an elevator shaft. Those words were never good ones. I had never heard anyone say 'we need to talk' and follow it with 'i love you' or 'we should be together'. It was never that.
"I talked to my manager Tom. He won't let me publicly break up with Mel. He said I need to start releasing new music soon and I can't afford to have rumors flying around about me." He looked sad to say it but I knew that I was the one most hurt by the blow.
"Oh." Was all I could muster out.
"We can still be together Rachel. I want to be with you."
I should have agreed and I should have jumped into his arms because he wanted me. After over a year of wanting him, it could happen. But I knew better.
"Zayn I can't do this." It broke my heart to say it. "I want you to be happy. Music makes you happy. And if this has to happen for you to keep making music then I don't want to stand in your way." I knew that I had to let him go.
"Don't do this." He was starting to get choked up yet I had never seen him cry before.
"Zayn if we haven't been able to work out us in over a year, why would it fit together now? The universe has given us sign after sign that it won't work for us. Mel works. You can keep doing what you love. Music." I knew that tears were starting to fall but I didn't care. It was tearing me apart when everything in my being wanted to be with him.
"Rachel we can work this out." He said as his eyes were welling up a bit more. A single tear fell out of his eye.
I reached up with my hands and held his jaw in my palms. I used my thumb to wipe the tear away.
I used my hands to turn his head slightly. I kissed him on the cheek. I then let go of his face. I stopped for a moment and said something that had been on my mind for over a year now.
"It's just funny." His eyes met mine to hear what I was going to say next. "I thought you left One Direction because you wanted your own life."
I walked out of his apartment with out turning back. I knew with out seeing his whole reaction, that what I said would stick with him.
I arrived back at my place, 30 minutes later. Thankfully no one else was home and I just cried. I looked at the tiny 'z' that I possessed and cried even harder. In a fit I went to my dresser and found a sharpie. I scribbled over the spot so I couldn't see it anymore.