The Spaces Between Us | hariana | liriana

|51| Sweet Dream or A Beautiful Nightmare

*A|N: there are two parts of this song that I feel like relate to this chapter so....*

"Got a feeling that I'm going under, but I know that I'll make it out alive if I quit calling you my lover, and move on."
And
"Needle and the thread, gotta get you outta my head. Needle and the thread, gonna wind up dead."

-Stitches
Shawn Mendes

ARIANA'S POV

*A|N: this first part is going to be a dream so if you see "<<<<<<" it's something that would've happened before and ">>>>>>" is later but it can mean like directly after the event from before. its just another event that happened later. Each part of the dream is like a before and after and there are several which are separated by a line breaker like this v

hope that made sense.*

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<<<<<<
I was standing in the hallway waiting to walk into the studio to meet my future manager. I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard two people talking.
"Ooh, Harry, lemme tell you about this chick." One says.
"I don't wanna hear about some ugly, untalented, bitch that's only here to fuck either you or Scooter." The other, Harry, says. Well, that's insulting.
>>>>>>
The hurtful words that Jai had spoken to me sank in, and I started to believe them. Harry then grabbed my attention. "Shut up. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you different. Okay?" I nod my head. "Okay."

<<<<<<
Harry and I were sitting in the guest room in my place. Jai had just left, probably to go fuck that skank again. I sighed, in embarrassment. I just called my boyfriend out for cheating on me, in front of someone.
"I'm sorry you had to see that." I apologize.
"Don't be sorry. He's an asshole for cheating on you. If you were mine, I'd never cheat on you." He spoke, what I thought at the time, truthfully. If only I had known then how good of a liar he really was. Then maybe I wouldn't have allowed myself to feel that spark of electricity when his soft lips brushed against mine.
>>>>>>
I picked up Harry's phone to check his text message only to nearly drop it on the floor. So many pictures. All of one naked girl. And she sure as hell wasn't me. I scrolled up through the texts, and two caught my teary eyes:
From:Ken<3
What about Ari?
To:Haz<3
From:Haz<3
She never mattered.
To:Ken<3
I let my tears fall freely down my face.
>>>>>>
I sat on Kendall's couch as she came back out with her laptop and her phone. She kneels down in front of me turning her phone so I can see the photo of Harry and her sharing a kiss from a few days ago. The same lips that I would trace in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep, knowing I would be leaving him. Little did I know he had already left me. I didn't break down until I laid eyes on the video of them having sex. Knowing that he could lie to me and say he cares, taking advantage of me in my most intimate moments, then go the next day to have a meaningless fling with her is what tore me apart. What did I do to deserve this type of pain? Where did I go so wrong that he would want to betray me like this? At what point in time was I no longer good enough? Was I ever good enough?

<<<<<<
I let the three words slip out, not regretting them at all. I knew what I felt. And what I felt was real. "I love you." I waited for a response as I watched his eyes widen. Had I said it too soon? Would he say it back? Did he even feel the same? I get my answer when he says, "I love you, too." I was overjoyed. I loved him. He loved me. We had each other. Nothing could go wrong. But then again, maybe I was just too naïve to know when he was lying straight through his teeth....
>>>>>>
He stood there with his phone call on speaker phone, talking to her. "I love you, Haz." She spoke through his cellular device. "I love you, too, Ken. You, and only you." He replied tearing my heart with every syllable. Those special words that I thought were only for me. He just threw them at another girl as if I'm nothing to him. Maybe that's what I should be. If I can't be his everything, then I'll be nothing to him at all. It hurts less that way.
>>>>>>
"I never loved you!" He screamed at me, and it was like a protective glass shattering all around me. He held the blade that pierced straight through my heart. It felt like I had been it hit by a truck. The agony I was in was unbearable. I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to feel anything ever again. I would've rather been numb than feel all this. Whoever said the whole "sticks and stones" bullshit was a liar. Actions may speak louder than words but with this pain being inflicted solely from this stranger saying four words, was a rude awakening. Stranger. That's what he was to me now. I no longer recognized him. Where did the love of my life go? When did he leave only to be replaced by this cruel creature who calls himself a human being? Was the Harry I fell in love with even real? Was he just a front, much like his love for me? Was I just a foolish little girl who fell for a beast that was meant to break her? Who was this monster before me? Why does he speak for the demons inside my head?

<<<<<<
It was nearly three in the morning. I had my head propped on his warm chest as I played with his fingers. He must've noticed that I was awake because he laced our fingers together.
"Aribear?" He called out to me through the dark room, and a small smile spread across my face.
"That's a new nickname." I stated, giggling at him.
"You don't like it?" He pouted, and I shook my head.
"I only like it when you say it." I said, pulling on his long fingers.
"Good. 'Cause you're only my Aribear. No one else's." He announced, and I liked the sound of that. I always liked that perspective of love. I am my lover's, and he is mine.
"And you're my Hazzy." I told him, and he chuckled as I put my hand up to his, measuring how much smaller my hand was compared to his.
"Yes, I am, baby." He responded, and I cuddled into his chest. I fell asleep completely content.
>>>>>>
I sat there in that room with no one around on Halloween night. Alexa had come to my rescue, and she was on the phone with someone I thought I would never stop aching for. We were talking over the intercom.
"I care about you, Aribear." I felt my eyes instantly water as I heard him say the pet name so tenderly as if I was a fragile jewel, too precious to be touched. I broke down into tears. I was a mess.
"Oh Hazzy, I miss you so much." I sobbed, calling out for him. I was silently hoping for a miracle. For him to come save me, and tell me he loves me and that I was only dreaming. But it was all too real. The pain was too real for it to be a dream. That pain. It was excruciating. I couldn't bear it, that pain. All I wanted was for it to stop. Stop. Stop......

--------------

"STOP!" I scream out as I spring up in my bed. I breathlessly pant as I try to gather my thoughts. I'm drenched in sweat, and my mind is still haunted by the old memories. Without even thinking about it, I start to sob. I bring my knees up flush against my chest, bury my face in my hands, and cry until there are no more tears.

What am I even doing? I was so done with him. I was just happily talking to him. And then my mind goes and brings back the bad memories. I'm so unstable. It's like I'm crying out for help but I have no voice, so I have to lay in agony. No one can hear my screams.

I practically jump out of my skin when someone places their hand on mine. I look up to see a very worried Alexa.

"Ari, what's wrong? Babe, you're shaking. What happened?" She asks me. I want to cry again, but I'm all out of tears. The most I can get out is a series of whimpers.

Lexie hushes me, scooting me over so she can climb in bed with me. She lays me down, keeping her arms around me the whole time. I try to calm myself down, but to no avail.

"It all seemed so real. It's like my body has moved on and is here but my brain is still there. Like I'm trapped in a room, and there's a door leading out of here. Only, every time I walk through the door, I'm right back in the room. But I still try and go through the door because I convince myself that one of these times I'll just finally be out of the room, but I'm disappointed every fucking time." I try to explain how I'm feeling to my best friend, but I doubt anyone could understand my jumble of thoughts. I don't even understand myself anymore. Who am I?

"Keep trying, Ari. Don't just sit in the room. Eventually, one of those times, the door will lead you out. It will just take some time. But I think it'll help if you either let Harry go, or talk things out with him. You can't stay in this middle area forever. That's what's keeping you in the room." She informs me, and I nod understandingly.

I can't stay in limbo. I'm gonna end up hurting myself more if I don't work out my issues. But I can't do it alone. I'm gonna need all the support I can get.

I need help. And I feel like if I just can talk to this one person, I'll be okay. If I can just talk to him, I know he can help me. I tell him everything. He teaches me so much. And I'm gonna lose him soon. It's time to go visit Grandpa Grande...

*A|N: double update yay. You guys deserved it. This isn't a normal thing tho. Focus is perfect. I loved the music video. Happy late Halloween. Is it too much to ask for some votes and comments? Yes? No? Idk. Bye.*

Go 'head and talk your shit,
Ashley💀🖕🏼🤗