The Spaces Between Us | hariana | liriana

|59| No. (part 2)

"They say only fools fall in love, well they must've been talkin' about us. And sometimes I feel like we've been here before."

-Honeymoon Avenue

Ariana Grande

ARIANA'S POV

"Talk to me, love. Tell me what's wrong." Nonno smiles, though I know his mind is like a shotgun ready to fire out answers and advice.

I take a deep breath, and briefly glance at Harry who sits about a foot away from me. "I've put myself on a...... questionable path, Nonno. I've done unspeakable things, and--"

"Ari, I'm not a priest, and this is not a confessional or a repentance for your sins. Just tell me what's going on."

"Well, I'm just saying. It hasn't been good for me, the things I've been doing. And it's been going on for a while, and I'm just tired of it." I state vaguely.

"When you say going on for a while, do you mean, maybe, since you and Harry first broke up?" Nonno inquires.

I pause before nodding.

"Harry, how does that make you feel?" He asks, sounding like a real therapist.

"Not very good. I never ever would ask for you to change. I know I've said things that can make it seem like otherwise, but I want to you know that I accept you for who you are." Harry tells me.

"Wow." I blink a few times. "Y'know I didn't think I had to say this, because I thought you would take it seriously, but now is not the time to bullshit."

"Silenzio, ragazza. (Hush, girl.)" Nonno scolds me. "He's trying to open up. Continue Harold."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't love you right. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you weren't enough just because I was being selfish and childish. I had your heart in my hands, and I just... got scared. I was a coward for doing what I did. You have every right to hate me," He tells me. I gulp hard, and stare at the ground. He reaches out, and cups my chin, gently raising my head so I can look him in the eye. "But you have no reason to stop loving yourself."

"He's right, Bellisima. You set an example for everyone around you. If you can't even treat yourself right, you can't expect others to." Nonno adds in.

"I know. And I don't hate you." I look into his emerald eyes. "I wish it were that simple. I wish I could just hold nothing but resentment toward you, but instead... I care. I worry. I wonder. All about you. I tell myself that you don't matter, and the thought disappears just as quickly as it came. I just..."

He then says at the same time as me, with a hopeful look in his eyes: "Can't let go."

"Ariana, I know things have been tough for us, and I know that is the understatement of the century. But I can't give you up. And I don't want to. Because you make me want to be a better person, but you don't tell me to do it for anyone but myself, and I try to support you in the same way. I know we argue, and we fuss and cuss, and we go at it. I know when we try to hurt each other, we cut deep, the wounds never fully heal, but I know that we also need each other to get through it. And I know that we're both not the best at clearly expressing our emotions, but I need you. So much that I... io ti amo, ti amo dal profondo mio cuore (I love you. I love from the bottom of my heart). And I know that I probably pronounced that all wrong, but fuck it, 'cause I love you, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you right when I saw you again, because you deserve to be told every day that you are loved and beautiful. And I know you're thinking that this is the same as the last time I told you I loved you and you didn't think it was real, but this is real. I love everything about you. I love that you speak your mind. I love that you keep getting new dogs. I love that you would still drop everything to come see your family. I love that you are sarcastic half the time, and the other half of the time your just too annoyed to be fake about it. I love that you like to act like you don't care about anything but you care about every aspect of everything. I love your personality, and every single good and bad part of it. I love that we don't have to speak words to know exactly how the other is feeling. I love that you're comfortable in your own skin, and you don't try to 'enhance' yourself, because in my eyes there's nothing to enhance. I love that I can't think of anything else to say right now, but I know you know the million other reasons why I love you. Please say something, because I'm running out of words." He chuckles lightly, his eyes watering.

Once the initial shock sets in, the warm tears cascade down my cheeks as I speak: "No."

"W-What?" I watch the smile fall off his face, and I swear something inside of me breaks.

I shake my head, standing up. "I can't do this. N-No."

"Ariana, sit down." Nonno speaks up, before letting out a heavy cough. "Per favore. (Please.) It's time to stop running."

I stay standing, but I look at Harry. "You broke me. And I don't know if I can move past that, because it still feels like yesterday. I've done everything to try to erase you, and erase what we had, but I can't and now you think that you can come back and what? Pick up where we left off? I believe that you love me, but I don't love you. Because to love you would mean to forgive you and I can't. So no."

"Bellisima," Nonno sighs, though his voice sounds weaker. "Love is not forgiving and forgetting. Love is searching when all is lost. Love is holding on when everything seems out of reach. And most importantly, love is when everything falls apart, breaking it down and building it up all over again, but stronger."

"Ariana, please. Try?" Harry says.

"Don't you think I am?! It's not easy when I've been hurt for so long! I love you Harry, because you were my first real love. But I'm not in love with you, and I will never love you in the same way that I loved you. I'll never love you in the same way you love me." I finally blurt out my inner most thoughts, and I know it's breaking him because it's the last thing he wants to hear, but the least I can do is be honest with him.

Before we can continue, I see my grandfather hunch forward in a fit of coughs, only to see spots of red splotch his white sheets.

"Nonno! NURSE, SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP!" I scream out, and run over to lay him back to put less pressure on him.

His nurse runs in, checking him over, and Harry has to pry me away from him kicking and screaming so that I'm not in the way. The nurse leans down, and speaks directly in his ear as my parents and grandmother rush in.

Nonno nods, and the nurse puts some shot in the IV he's connected to, leading whatever drug it is into his bloodstream to take effect. "Mia famiglia, (My family,) it's time."

"No. No, please." I release every sob I've been holding back from everything. I watched my mom cry softly into my dad's chest, and Nonna just smiles softly through her silent tears. She's known this was coming for a long time, we all did. Doesn't make it any easier.

"Nonno, per favore, ho bisogno di te. Nonlo lasci prego me. (Please, I need you. Don't leave me.)" I tell him in between heaving sobs. I give up fighting Harry's hold, and sink into his arms, allowing him to comfort me.

It was an emotional 30 minutes. And then he was gone. We sat quietly in his room for a while.

I clear my throat, and stand up. "Harry, we better get back to LA." I notice that my voice is hoarse, and they all stared at me clearly concerned by how I'm brushing this off.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should stay here for a little while. Nonna's gonna be staying with me, it might be good for you to--" My mother starts.

"No thanks, Mama. I still have to find a way to tell Frankie, and you know it's gonna crush him that he wasn't here. Grief time is over for me, it's time to get back to work. Nonno would want us to move on." I gather my things up.

"Not right away, Ariana." My dad tells me gently.

Nonna smiles at me. "A workaholic just like her grandfather. And her mother. And her brother."

"Ari, it's okay to not be okay right now." Harry whispers delicately in my ear.

"Please," I whimper, and he pulls me into his chest. "Can we please just go?"

He nods, and I know without a doubt that he loves me. And I want to take Nonno's advice and move forward, but I need time to figure out everything. But I do realize as I clutch him tighter, that I'm not ready to lose anyone else either.

*A|N: I apologize. I said next chapter soon then took like 5 months to update. Literally. School is just really working hard to kick my ass, but I was urged to write this, and you can expect a new chapter for Lovesick within the week for sure. Not my best writing, but it's really meant to connect events and fuck up y'all's day so.*

 Sorry if all the italian is wrong too, I tried,

Ashley