The Secret To New York (Boyxboy)

Chapter 12- Thanksgiving

here's another installment of my shitty story. jk, I really like this one. i can't figure out how to do smut with these two yet, so hang in there. Sorry i haven't uploaded for a while, I've got a stupid crazy lifestyle, you know, partying hard and all, and by partying hard I mean supernatual and late nights on tumblr crying over bands. Okay, here you go. Yeah/

Chapter 12-Thanksgiving

"I don't even know where to begin." I glanced at the clock behind my mother. It was 8 PM. Shane was already gone. Along with my sanity. I was starving and I was tired and I just wanted to drag something cold and sharp through my skin. "I'm sorry," I muttered. She crossed her arms. "No. No, you know what? I'm not accepting your apologies, because you keep doing the same shit! You say you're sorry, but you don't mean it!" I rolled me eyes and threw my arms in the air dramatically. "Whatever, I'm sick of saying sorry. I can't change. I mean, you don't get that yet?"

"I think it's about time you stopped with this whole "Depressed" charade. I don't understand how you can be so fucking sad all the time. All you do is inflect pain on everyone else. Do you actually think that I want to plan your funeral? Do you think I want to search your room for razors? No, I don't. I want you to stop this." I nodded, closing my eyes. I didn't have much to say. "Yeah. Okay, I'm a screw up. I know. But do you think I'm sad on purpose? I don't want to feel this way. I never want to feel this was. And no one said you had to do shit for me. I just... I would have liked to know that guy before you decided to want to move in with him. That's all. I don't know him. And...that hurts."

She rolled her eyes. "Get over yourself." I stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor, trying not to cry. My life was fucking up. "And, by the way, I'm pregnant. We're planning to get married. I thought you'd have heard that last night, but...you had a hissy-fit. Like always." I turned around. "Oh...well, I'm gay and I want to die." I told her, walking to my room, throwing myself onto my bed. I don't even know why I'm here. In this life. In this apartment, in this body. I hate it. I hate everything right now. I reach for my laptop and flip it open. There is nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing would make me feel better. I closed my laptop and sat up. I had to eat. Right now.

I stood up and walked over to my closet, pulling out my stash of food. I could easily eat everything in here and puke it all up, but lately I've been doing so great. I don't remember the last time I ate something. Or the last time I puked. Maybe this was finally getting easier and maybe eating all of this junk food would ruin that. I hadn't weighted myself in a couple days. I hadn't really even thought of it. I pushed the food back into my closet and shut it. I'd weigh myself. Then I'd see if I could eat, but when I did eat, it would be healthy. Fruit or something. Two pieces of fruit, one cup of water. Yeah. Healthy.

Sneaking into the bathroom was a piece of cake, considering my mother was pissed at me. I stepped on the scale and almost got off. I was afraid of the number that would pop up. I looked down. 78 pounds. Holy shit, I don't think I've ever weighed lower than 80 pounds. I could weigh less though. I stepped off of the scale and looked at myself in the floor length mirror on the door. My hair was thinning. My skin was a sick sort of color. I looked like a zombie, really. And even that couldn't make me sad right now. I'd lost almost ten pounds. I'd always wanted that. To loss so much weight I'd be happy with everything.

Without really thinking, I opened the door and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge. We had strawberries. Those were fattening. But honeydew melon. That wasn't. I could eat two pieces. That would be easy. The hard part; keeping it down.

***

Thanksgiving was hellish. I'm pretty sure I didn't know about half the people at the dinner party we went to. Apparently it was his family. Stupid Max. Stupid baby. Stupid mom. I watched as he took her hand and pulled her through the crowd, introducing her to everyone and everything. And then they turned to me and I turned around. I didn't know these people. But, at one point, Max, put his stupid arm around my shoulder. And started intruding me too. I didn't shake any of the outstretched hands and I think I pretty much scared away everyone because of my appearance, but I was okay with that. Fuck them. I almost went to hide out in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to eat at that stupid table with everyone, but of course someone was in there. So, I sat by my mom and a stranger. He had black hair, just like Max. I don't remember his name. I didn't really try, but still.