If These Sheets Were States

19. I've Got the Guts to Say Anything

Bella rested her head on the table, sneakily texting both Alex and Paige underneath. Alex was begging her to tell her the 'thing' that she forgot to mention, Paige was begging her to tell her every single detail of what had happened with the two of them. Bella refused both pleas and carried on talking like normal, just waiting for class to finish. There was nothing to do, even though the tutor had turned up. She hadn't planned that the work she had set out and prepared would only take everyone approximately two hours to complete, rather than the whole college day. Bella let out a grunt of annoyance as the tutor looked up, frowning.

"Miss Stitham? Is there something you would like to say?"

"Well first, you said we were on first name basis, Leanna. And yes. Why are we all sitting here doing nothing, when we could be doing the exact same at home?"

"Well honestly? Other than the fact I'm getting paid for it, I don't know."

"Right. Well. I'm going home then because not being funny, I'm not just going to sit here and waste my time. I've done two hours of work, I've sat here doing nothing for four hours, I'm going home."

"It will go down in your report, Bella."

"Kiss my ass."

"Fucking hell, the emo has a voice!" Bella heard a shriek of laughter as one of the class clowns spoke. One of the ones who thought he was God's gift, the one who was "only here for the girls". He jeered as he threw a pencil at Bella, who turned around and glared wide eyed at him, throwing him the death stare. "Aw, little emo doesn't like facing facts! Why don't you go home? We don't care."

"If she even has one!" One of the girls sneered, laughing a wicked laugh.

"Alright! That's enough!" Leanna shouted, making the class fall silent. "Bella, if you want to leave then I can't stop you, but it will go on your report."

"Stuff the report! Stuff this shitty class! And stuff, actually no. Fuck. Fuck every single last one of you cunts in this class."

A wave of snide 'ooh's and gasps swam through the class, as Bella kicked at a table, sending it flying as she stormed out of the classroom. She stormed off to her car and drove home, and upon reaching her doorstep, dug in her pocket for her phone.

Bella switched her phone from 'vibrate' to 'mute' and slammed it down onto the kitchen table. She ran through to her bedroom, tears already making their way down her cheeks as she threw her bag on the bed. She kicked the doors of the wardrobe hard, surprised and slightly angered when they didn't mark. She looked over at the desk.

"No. No you can't. You didn't promise though, but you can't.." Bella had already walked over, already had the object in her hand. She tossed it from hand to hand, as the irate expression on her face faded into sheer insanity. She looked down at her hand, to find herself grasping the razor tightly, her hand beginning to sting slightly.

Suddenly, something took over Bella's mind as she hastily pulled her sleeve up around her elbow and started to, once again, dig the razor in as deep as she could manage. Gasping and shrieking quietly when she dragged it down her forearm. The blood trickled fast into the palm of her hand, as she pushed down as hard as she could. Bella cupped her hand to prevent the blood from falling to the floor and staining anything else, considering the rug had already been stained from the other night.

The blood refused to stop. Bella panicked.

She ran into the bathroom and threw the razor in the sink, and demonstrating what she had been taught when taking 'First Aid', she held her arm up in the air as it slowly calmed down.

"Ah. Well that's great, you fucking idiot. How are you going to hide that? Oh my, it hurts so bad." Bella winced in pain as she ran through to the kitchen and grabbed a teacloth, holding it tightly pressed to her arm. She noticed her phone ringing on the kitchen table, to the side of her.