If These Sheets Were States

12. Let Me Dream, Let Me Stay

Bella pulled up outside of her house and the both of them ran upto her front door, as she unlocked it and they trudged on in. Bella shook her head, trying to shake off as much water as she possibly could. She found her way to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Alex skulked in after her, fretting whether to sit down or not, considering he was soaked through. Bella turned around to face him.

"Tea or coffee?"

"Err, coffee please. Three sugars."

"Three?!"

"What can I say? It's been a long day man!"

"True. You can sit down, y'know."

Alex took that as his cue to find a seat. He pulled a chair out from underneath the kitchen table, sitting down and removing his jacket, grinning slightly when Bella brought a mug of coffee over to him. She placed her own mug on the table before removing her hoodie. Against her knowledge, Bella's shirt underneath rose up slowly and slightly, revealing her scars and cuts. Alex held his grip on the mug, not moving it from his mouth as he stared, a sea of sadness taking him over. Bella threw her hoodie at the washing machine before tugging at her shirt to bring it back down.

She looked at Alex awkwardly. Alex cleared his throat.

"You make good coffee, love."

"Ha, thanks.. erm, I'm going to go get changed. I'm not digging this look. I'll erm.. be back in a minute. You make yourself.. comfortable.." Bella trailed off as she covered her as much of her left arm as she could with her right hand, rubbing her arm uncomfortably. She grimaced as she walked into her bedroom, facing away from Alex.

- - - - - POV: Alex - - - - -

"I don't think I want to know how many more of those marks she has.." Alex thought to himself as she walked out of the room. He sighed and put the mug back down on the table, holding onto it for the warmth and drumming his fingers around it. "I don't know how you're gonna fix this boy, but you sure as hell need to try. She can't keep doing this to herself." He lectured himself.

Bella walked back in, having gotten changed into some pyjamas with a cotton jacket over the top. The kind with the white pull-strings at the ends of the collar. Alex couldn't stop himself from staring at her with a glimpse of a smile. She looked so cute and innocent, she looked like she didn't even know about the things she did. She looked.. fragile.

He hung his head and brought the mug up to his lips again, taking another gulp of coffee.

- - - - - / - - - - -

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"You just.."

"What?"

"You look really cute, I can't help it, haha."

"Do I take that as a compliment or.. because I'm not very good at talking and associating with members of the public."

"You do seem very socially awkward."

Bella sat down at the table opposite Alex, the ends of the sleeves pulled over her hands, fiddling with the pull-strings. She took a sip of her hot chocolate, watching Alex as he looked like he was about to say something. He leaned forward, closer to Bella.

"So.. tell me."

"Tell you what?" Bella gulped hard, luckily it was inaudible. She felt guilty. Guilty of the memories, guilty for self-harming, guilty for having the thoughts that she did. Guilty for wanting Alex a little bit more every second.

"Tell me everything that happened for you to do what you do. I want to know. I don't want you doing it anymore and if there is any way in which I can help, then I want to do it. I want you to stop. And I want you to begin by telling me every single detail."

"Oh, Alex. You'll be here for years."

"I'll make time if I have to."

Bella gave a half smile and looked down at her mug, her fingers wrapped tightly around it. "I don't know if I can." She whispered.

"Why?" Alex reached a hand out across the table, tapping his fingers on the table, just begging for her to hold.

"Well for one, I wouldn't have any idea where to start. Two, it's a very long story. Three, I just.. I don't know, Alex. It's just heart wrenching for me. It makes me want to kill myself a little more every time I think about it, let alone talk about it."

"Just trust me, okay?"

Bella looked at Alex's hand, wondering whether or not she should hold it. "It's only a hand, Bella. It won't do anymore damage to you than what you've already done." Bella thought to herself. She reached her hand out close to Alex's, walking her fingers slowly up to his hand. She grabbed it and held loosely.

"I'll try." Bella whispered.

"Now. As for your starting point, try starting at the beginning. Y'know, I've heard it helps." Alex gave Bella the other half of the smile she was looking for.