Killing Carter

Chapter Twenty - Girl Talk

I just can’t get used to the silence.  Every day I wake up to a silent house and instantly miss the noise of what used to be a normal family home.  I miss Joshua.  But right now I’m missing Kale almost as much and since it was me that allowed myself to fall in love with him and me that broke it off with him I didn’t deserve to.

With my hands behind my back I pulled my body forward using my abs to sit up for the forty seventh time then relaxed back onto the ground my muscles groaning after the hell I’ve put them through this morning with the press ups, benches, squats, bicep curls and any other exercises I could think of.  These last two weeks have been hellish and I’ve tried everything to stop the thoughts for just a second so I could breathe.  Kale used to be that for me, my escape.

When I reached fifty sit ups I pulled myself up off my living room floor, the movement making my head feel light and dizzy.  Using the furniture to keep me upright I slowly made my way to the kitchen hoping that a glass of water would make it go away as the room moved underneath me making me feel sick.  Reaching the doorframe of the kitchen black spots began to cloud the corners of my vision.  I took a few shaky steps towards where I thought I left my glass from this morning but my hand slipped through thin air then hit something causing it to tumble to the ground then everything went black...

There was a persistent pounding in my head.  It got louder making me groan and pull myself up off the cold floor of my kitchen.  The pounding continued but this time it sounded like it was coming from...the front door?  Some fucking Jehovah Witness was probably wanting to tell me about God.  Slowly standing up like Bambi on a frozen lake I noticed the glass shards and pills that were scattered across the floor making the place look like a crime scene especially with the splatter of blood on the tiles from my...arm?  Looking down at my forearm I saw the tiny cuts where the glass shards had ripped the skin and it began to sting. 

“Kimberly I know you’re in there.  Open up!”  A familiar voice shouted along with the pounding on the door.  Ok so it’s definitely not a Jehovah it’s a Lippy.  Fabulous!

“Come in!”  I yelled knowing she wouldn’t go away even if I told her to.  Lippy isn’t a person she is a force of nature.  I sat down at my kitchen table grabbing a tea towel to clean up the blood on my arm the dizziness still making my body quiver.

“What the fuck!”  Lippy exclaimed as she entered the kitchen a shard of glass crunching under her black combat boot.  She was dressed to kill in a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey bunt-out t-shirt and black leather jacket, looking as if she just stepped off a catwalk.  I looked down at my old turquoise sports bra and grey cropped joggers that are worn at the knee  and thought of my sweaty skin and messy ponytail, knowing I looked as attractive as a pile of shit in comparison.  “What happened?”  She demanded her hazel eyes boring into mine.  “Did you...”  She began trailing off unable to say the last words but I knew what she was going to say as it did look like I’d tried to overdose on pills.

“Try to kill myself?”  I said finishing her sentence causing her to look sheepish.  “No I thought I would give it a miss today and make a mess instead.”  I joked but she never laughed, instead her entire facial expression seemed to sigh.  “Look I might have overdone it on the exercise so I came through here to get a drink but I felt dizzy and accidently knocked my glass over and apparently the tub of paracetamol that I had out this morning from my headache after my run.”  I explained making her relax.  Why does she care so much?

“Ok.”  She said taking a moment to process everything.  “Do you still feel dizzy?”

“Yeah a bit.”  I said feeling so stupid about the whole situation.

“Right go through and sit on the couch and I’ll get rid of all this then load you with some sugar and water.”  She stated being so mothering.