Killing Carter

Chapter Ten - New Outlook

Chapter 10

New week and new outlook on the plan. 

The night with my family had been just what I’d needed to pull me out of the depression that I’d been quickly sinking into and put me back on track.  It had also reminded me of my old life of movie nights, documentaries with dad, the argument game with Jay and all those other family things that you take for granted.  However instead of missing all those things I looked back on them fondly accepting that no matter what I did now I was never going to get those days back.  My old life died with Jay and so did a part of me.  The part that was left was going to do everything she could to make Carter pay but still have a few smiles along the way if Kale was still up for being my friend after I’d ignored him for two weeks.  Because my nightmare had been right; Jay wouldn’t have wanted me to be unhappy.  Sure I still had to date Cole or rather Rose had to date Cole but I’d begun to pretend it was all an act, that we were just characters in a really bad play and that stopped me from letting my emotions spazz out on me every time he touched me or throw up every time we kissed.  I was now a lot more mentally prepared for what I had to do.  It hadn’t been easy to get to this point but I was here and I was making it through.

I flipped through the songs on my iPod trying to find the perfect one, static coming from the speakers on the dock until I decided.  Clicking the button making my choice I stepped away from the dock onto the dewy grass that brushed the soles of my bare feet as I walked.

“So lately, been wondering who will be there to take my place...”  The lyrics began, my body moving to the soft piano melody that accompanied them.  My movements were fluid as I lost myself in the music and in the dance.  Toes pointed I leapt into the air, flying for the briefest of moments before kissing the ground a secret smile finding its way onto my mouth.  The whole world fell away as I danced so I didn’t see my mum standing at the back door watching until the song came to an end and I was on my knees, my hands clasped at my chest.

“That was beautiful Hun.”  She smiled warmly at me and I smiled back at her.  She’d been the one that got me involved in dance in the first place by taking me to ballet when I was a little girl knowing I would like it.  She didn’t think that I would fall in love with it though.  So what started as a simple get me out the house for an hour thing soon became an expensive hobby but she never grudged paying for it.  She saw how happy it made me.  The happiness didn’t stop her having a hissy fit when I told her I wanted to move to London and make a career out of it when I turned 18.

“Thanks I’m just messing about.”  I replied walking over to my iPod to pause the music as a loud rock song was now playing through the speakers.

“Well I’m making breakfast if you want some.”

“Haven’t you got work today?” I asked tightening my ponytail.  When Jay and I were younger my mum stayed at home to look after us but once we were both in high school she went back to work as a hairdresser at her old salon glad to get out the house.  However when Jay died she took exactly 1 month off but only worked 3 and a half days a week when she went back so she could still keep an eye on me.  Now she was back to working 5 days 8am until 4pm so I was shocked to see her still here as it was now after 9 in the morning and I knew this wasn’t one of her days off.

“The salon is closed all week for refurbishment which it’s been in dire need of for years.”  She explained.  “You’ll need to come and see it once it’s finished.  I can style your hair before one of your dates with Cole.”  She looked the happiest I’d seen her in months, her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling with excitement so I let her lead me into the kitchen and tell me all about the plans for the salon over scrambled egg and toast.  It was the longest we had talked in years and I think she realised that too.