Killing Carter

Chapter Seven - Deaths Treadmill

Chapter 7

When I first woke up something felt out of place.  Rubbing my eyes I slowly sat up and glanced around my room.  The navy blue cushions that decorated my bed were littered across my floor along with a pile of clothes that needed washed.  My dressing table was covered in a layer of dust and make up and three glasses of half drunk water.  It really was a disgusting mess but lately that had been normal.  So what was out of place?

Suddenly it hit me.  I’m never able to see all this when I wake up in the morning as I’m usually up for my run before the sun comes up.  Looking at my large window I saw that the sun was streaming in making the dust in the air sparkle.  Sleepily I stumbled out of bed to stand in the warmth of the light, gazing out into the beautiful summer’s day outside.  My watch read almost 10 to 1 in the afternoon.  How had I slept that long?  Usually nightmares would continually wake me up throughout the night until I gave up on sleep and went a run to clear my head but last night I don’t remember having any nightmares at all.  And now that I had bathed in the sunlight I felt more awake and refreshed than I had in months.  I stretched my arms behind my back loosing up my stiff muscles after being horizontal for so long as thoughts of yesterday floated back.  Kale’s arms holding me, his breath on my face, his piercing grey eyes locked with mine and I felt the fizzy tingles in my body again, my lips forming a smile.  Walking back to my bed to make it I noticed my phone flashing on my bedside table and my smile got bigger.  Hastily unlocking my phone then going to my messages folder I saw that I had two new messages; one from Kale and one from Cole.

I had forgotten about the whole Cole thing.  I had forgotten that nothing could happen between me and Kale because I already had a ‘boyfriend’.  I shivered at the thought.  It was Thursday.  I had exactly 1 day until my next date with Cole so I needed to forget about Kale and get back on track.  But when I opened the text from him reading the words ‘mornin beautiful xx’ I realised that forgetting him was not going to be easy.  ‘Hey Flower.’ Cole’s text read.  ‘Was thinking about our date tomorrow.  How does dinner at Royale sound? x’  Compared to Kale’s his text were punctuated and formal.  When I read Kale’s texts I could practically hear him saying the words in that sexy voice of his but with Cole’s I got nothing.  I wish it was Kale I was going to dinner with, Kale that I got to kiss, to touch.  I threw my phone across the room in frustration listening to the heavy thud as it connected with the carpet before changing into my running gear and bolting out the door not bothering to pick it up.

****

Two more steps.  Just two more steps.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Two.

                More.

                                       Steps.

The sign above Sue’s glistened silver in the sunshine, the paintwork around the window frames now a dark maroon rather than the usual forest green and the curtains that I could see hanging on the window inside looked new as well.  It was like a different place.  I wanted to turn back, choose the easy option, hide under my duvet or in Kale’s lazy smile.  But I knew that wasn’t an option.  I had to take those two steps into Sue’s and apologise then beg for my job back.

I stepped aside to let an old man and his wife pass, her pink silk scarf fluttering behind her in the gentle summer breeze.  I could hear Terra’s unique laugh through the half open door and felt the guilt stir in my gut for hurting someone as nice as her.  “Are you ok sweetheart?”  The old woman asked, her arm linked with her husband.  I found myself staring at her eye wrinkles that were magnified by her large round glasses knowing that I’ll never be like her.  I’ll never wear giant pastel pink magnifying goggles.  I’ll never watch someone grow old with me or have folds of sagging skin and boobs down to my belly button.