Warrior

Chapter 19: Drugs are my Outlet

I woke up feeling like shit. Alcohol, pills, and heroin weren't the best mix once it's the next day. I got up and went into the living room. I felt very tired. I barely remember anything from last night. I was already itching to shoot up again.

I heard someone come up behind me and I turn around to see Tommy there. I was shocked to see him. Naomi followed behind him. I felt anger well up. "The fuck is he doing here?!" I asked Naomi, raising my voice. "You don't remember?" She asked. "No I don't fucking remember." I spat angrily. "You told me I could stay. It was raining last night" Tommy spoke up. I looked at him with angry eyes. I was angry but I knew deep down, I missed him. All I remember him telling me was how Ma died and why he didn't come back.

I looked at them and made my way to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me and undressing myself. I turned the shower on and I got in. I had track marks all over my arms now. I had bruise marks on my arm from Joe. They were dark. Nothing I wasn't used to by now but it still hurt. I washed up and got out of the shower and getting dressed. I left the bathroom and into, what I now assumed was, my room. I sat on the bed for a bit, collecting my thoughts.

Tommy walked in, interrupting my thinking. "What's going on with you?" He asked sitting next to me. I stayed silent. I couldn't tell people. I'd feel weak. Look at me, I'm getting beat up by my boyfriend, whom I don't even have feelings for, and I'm shooting up with a girl, whom I actually have feelings for. That's what's going on with me. I'm doing drugs because I'm mentally unstable and I've gotten beat up all my life and I'm weak. I can't just talk about it like I'm okay. I just keep my mouth shut and get it out with drugs. "Jade?" I could here him calling for me but I couldn't reply. I had all this shit on my mind and I felt myself losing a grip on myself. I don't want to be here.

"Jade!" Naomi spoke holding my hands. I looked up at her, sadness in my eyes. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't tell them what was going on. "I'm sorry, I'm just thinkin'. Got a lot on my mind." I say, getting up and going to the bathroom again. I left my pills in there. I went in there, locking the door behind me. I opened the bottle and popped the pills in my mouth, swallowing them dry.

I got up and left the bathroom and into the living room. Tommy and Naomi were sitting on the couch and they both looked at me. I went outside and sat on the small balcony. I wanted to call Brendan again but I couldn't even talk him about it. I couldn't tell them why I was so sad. I couldn't tell them why I was hurting so much, why I was so scared and angry. I held myself and waited for the pills to kick in.