Warrior

Chapter 12: Movin' Out

Brendan and I stared at Jade, she was strung out, but I could tell it wasn't from pills. Brendan was screaming her name, but she was unresponsive. Brendan got frustrated and went upstairs to shower. I waited until he was out of earshot. I grabbed Jades arm roughly and pulled up her sleeve, seeing the little red track mark.

"JADE CONLON" I exclaimed in hushed tones, she brought her finger to her lips.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh" she shushed me sloppily and laughed a little bit at herself. I ran my fingers through my hair, why would she do this? Where did she even get it from?

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, she stayed silent and Just stared at me, I felt tears in my eyes as I sat on my knees In front of her and held her hands. "What's causing you such pain?..." I whispered and I could see the sadness in her eyes, she didn't know it would hurt me like this. But I watched that sadness quickly turn into anger.

"Nothing" she groaned, leaning her head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Jade come on, all of this anger isn't just because of Tommy-"

"FUCK OFF" she yelled, pulling herself away.

"STOP FUCKING HIDING SHIT, HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO HELP"

"I don't fucking want your help, Nae" my mind raced, I could see Joel all over again, just because she called me Nae, I felt weak, I could see his eyes again in the back of my mind.

"Why won't you talk to me?!" I managed to speak through my screaming mind. She pushed me away, a little rougher than I knew she meant.

"Just leave, Naomi I don't want to see you right now" I crossed my arms on my chest.

"You want me to leave? I'll go, I don't have to be here, I'm here for you." She looked into my eyes.

"Fuck outta here" she waved her hand to me. I nodded, heading upstairs and grabbing my stuff together. She looked at me kinda shocked, but said nothing. Brendan walked out and into the room Jade and I shared for a bit, he stared at us, puzzled.

"I'm goin, Brendan" he looked at me then at Jade who walked away, emotionless. "She's just angry, she'll calm down" as much as she had anger issues, she was still my best friend and I loved her no matter what. "But I'm not staying here any longer, i'm gonna bus up to Pittsburgh, take that apartment now instead of later, I start working this week so..."

"Are you sure?" He said looking at me, and I nodded. "Alright I'll drop you off" He spoke, grabbing my small bag that I packed, I didn't have much but what I did fit into that backpack.

"Oh Brendan you"

"Shut up, get in the car" he laughed, walking downstairs and towards the door. I walked into the girls room who came running to me and hugged both of my legs. When they were done I crouched down to them and they hugged me properly.

"I'm leaving now, to my own house" the girls frowned but I smiled at them. "Don't worry I'll come back to visit" they smiled back and kissed my cheek. I stood up and they continued to play together. I said goodbye to Tess, who hugged me tightly and told me to come back anytime I needed anything. I laughed, she was too good hearted for this world.

Jade sat on the couch and looked at me angrily, huffing when I walked past. I threw a piece of paper at her, "when you're calmed down, this is where I'll be" she rolled her eyes but held the paper, I laughed.

The drive seemed shorter with Brendan, and he got me to laugh quite a few times, I could see Joel in him, but everything reminded me of Joel. When we got to the apartment, Brendan noticed there was no furniture, I laughed and told him I planned to take what was out in storage from grandmas house, all my old stuff.

"I didn't plan to move in this early, but Jade don't want me around right now." Brendan shifted on his legs and thought for a bit, "ok we're gonna go get your stuff and I'll help you settle in." I protested, but Brendan being Brendan did it anyway. It took a few hours to get everything done, but we got some help from the guys at the storage house, and they even did it for free because Brendan told them I was a marine. After what felt like forever, we finally managed to move all the stuff into the apartment.

"I'll put things together now. Thank you Brendan" he shook his head.

"If I'm here I might as well help you out." We pushed the couch and coffee table into the living room and he set up the tv while I did the dining room table and put my old bed in one of the bedrooms. The apartment was still pretty empty, but it had a homey feel because it was all grandmas stuff. After a few hours, the house was out together, I had to buy some more stuff but we had the essentials. Brendan and I plopped on the couch, exhausted and he handed me some money. I stared at him and shook my head.

"Nuh uh" I chuckled "you need that"

"You got no food in the house, please just take it, just to get you started" I sighed and he forced the money into my hand. I thanked him quietly and he kissed my head. "So.. Is Jade ok?" My eyes closed, I knew he was going to ask eventually. I debated on telling him about the heroin, but decided against it, I would only tell him if it got really bad, but he had enough on his plate, when Jade was ready and she came here, I would take care of her.

"She's just mad, Tommy and everything... I shouldn't have told her about the address thing I, sorry" Brendan chuckled.

"She would've found out eventually..." He mumbled. "I'm just worried about her, she's acting so off lately." I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"She's just going through some stuff, Brendan." I cleared my throat. "I mean, she's so angry at Tommy its not even funny" he scratched his head.

"So you were with him...?" I nodded, lifting my head from his shoulder and coughing a little.

"He's the same but he's... Different, somethings changed in him... He didn't really tell me anything" Brendan nodded, frowning a little, I knew he just wanted his brother back. "Jade looks a lot like Ma don't she?" I changed the subject. Brendan smiled sweetly, remembering his beautiful mom.

"She does, so much it's unbelievable." We sat in silence for a moment but then he turned to me. "So.. Uh... What... Happened to Joel?" I closed my eyes, realizing I never told him or Jade. I could hear the sounds in my mind again, I could see it like it was right in front of me. "Naomi?" Brendan spoke softly "I'm sorry-"

"No" I breathed, holding my dog tags tightly in my hand. "He... He's gone" Brendan's eyes grew soft and he wrapped one arm around me. "He uh.... I"

"Hey, don't talk about it" Brendan rubbed my arm supportively. He stood up and stretched out his arms. "I'm gonna get going now" I nodded and stood up, walking him to the front door of what was now my home. "You be safe out here, and call me if you need anything" I smiled and nodded.

"Thank you for everything, Brendan" he smiled back at me, putting on his jacket. He kissed my head and hung halfway out the door.

"Ahh, don't worry about it, you're family that's what we do" and with that, Brendan was on his way and I sat in this apartment alone. It felt new but old at the same time, and I could feel grandmas presence with me again, but Joel's as well. He came to me in my dreams a lot, telling me to forgive myself, but I couldn't. It was my fault he was dead and that haunted me. I had nothing, no one, my family was gone, all of them. I pulled out the whiskey bottle from my bag, opening it up and beginning to drink. I drank to forget, drank to numb myself out. I pulled out some pills that my doctor gave me for PTSD, I usually just didn't take them, but tonight I found myself taking more than I should in attempt to fall asleep. Every night was a nightmare, except that night spent with Tommy.

I thought about Jade, I was so worried but she was so stubborn, she just wouldn't let me in and all I wanted to do was help her. I hoped that her mind would clear and she'd come down here soon, I know she wouldn't be able to stay there without me, especially because she knew where I was now. I walked into my empty bedroom, nothing but a bed, a bedside table, a lamp and a dresser filled it right now and the bed was made messily. It was almost surreal that I moved out so unexpected but this place was all mine now, I was truly on my own. I sat on my bed and drank until my world began to spin, I just wanted to forget, forget the war, forget the emotions I couldn't hide. I wanted to forget Joel, because he was all I could think about all the time. I keep seeing him everywhere, I keep thinking that he's come back home but he's gone. I hear him, I see him and it's driving me insane.