Warrior

Chapter 8: PTSD

I let out a sigh and looked at Tommy next to me, looking at me from under his watch cap. He had been generous enough to take me back to his old house, down the street from where I used to live when Jade stormed off in the car. I was angry at first, but I guess I understood, she hadn't seen him in fourteen years and she freaked out, leaving me a whole city away. She called and offered to come pick me up, but she was drunk and there was no way I was asking Brendan to waste his own gas to come up here, tonight I was stuck with Tommy and Paddy.

"Looks like you're stuck with me for the night" I mumbled, looking up at Tommy who was so different from that young boy I once knew. Joining the marines bulked him up, and he was a lot bigger than I remembered, and the tattoos on his chest and arms were new too, he looked at me, his stormy eyes examining all of me. He pulled his hat off and sat down on the couch in the small living room I remembered so vaguely.

"That ain't so bad" he rasped, smiling at me a little, something I haven't seen in a long time. I sat down next to him, letting out a deep sigh and taking off my jacket. My eyes darted to the pictures around the room, I was even in a few of them with Jade and her brothers, but one that caught my eye was the one with Jade and her mom, how alike they looked. "Dunno when pops gonna be home" I looked at him as he walked to the kitchen and returned with two beers. "He don't drink no more" he chuckled handing me one.

"Paddy Conlon?" I asked almost shocked, Tommy's eyes were on me. "He's not drinking anymore?" I asked again he nodded, a half drunken smile on his face. That was news to me, I never thought in my life I'd ever hear those words.

"So" he cleared his throat and examined the dog tags on my neck "he didn't make it did he?" His voice was quiet now and he leaned in closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I froze and my hand gripped the tags around my neck, I could see his eyes so vividly in my mind again, I could hear him choking on his blood trying to talk to me, 'I love you, keep going'. Tommy stared at me patiently and I nodded, shaking. Tommy sighed opening an orange bottle and putting some pills in his mouth, washing them away with the beer. "I saw you around the base, I never no knew what to say to you..."

"What happened to you?" I asked now, changing the subject, his eyes darkened and he leaned back into the couch seat. His cold eyes stared at me, something had changed in Tommy. "You disappeared, half of us thought you died..."

"Nothin' happened" he cleared his throat, I guess he wasn't ready to talk yet. I took sips from my beer and looked at my hands, could see myself shaking and the flashbacks were worming their way into my mind.

"I don't know what it is with people and saving me" I spoke, my voice low and emotionless. Tommy looked up at me and his eyebrows furrowed. "Joel... He uh... He took that grenade for me" I felt the tears streaming down my face silently but I held my composure as best as I could "I didn't see or hear it, but he did... And he pushed me out of the way taking the explosion himself.... I.... I tried to save him, Tommy I carried him as far as I could but he was hurting... I couldn't..." I trailed off, my head falling to my hands as I cried, Tommy shifted to me, placing his hands on my Arms.

"Hey, shhh" I kept crying and Tommy pulled me into a hug, which was odd, he was so cold and stone like, but here he was trying to comfort me. "Shhhhhhh" he repeated, rubbing my back. I pulled away and wiped my tears.

"And... Then after that, I had nothing but a death wish... And as soon as the chance came up and I was drowning in that tank... I mean I wanted the others to survive... But I, I just wasted to see him again" Tommy's eyes met mine and he shifted a little bit, "how did you know about the tank Tommy?" I wondered, Remembering only now that was the first thing he asked me at the gym. He paused for a minute, and we stared at each other, it kinda felt like it did when we were kids.

"I pulled you out of that tank" he mumbled, standing up and taking our beer bottles to throw them out. I followed him, not believing what he was telling me.

"What the fuck do you mean, tommy?!" He threw out the bottles and turned to me, shoving his hand on his pockets.

"What else does it mean?" He shrugged, brushing off the fact like he didn't save my life, I walked closer to him and looked in his eyes, he was taller now but our faces were inches apart.

"Why were you there?..." He sighed.

"I was on my way outta the country, what, was I supposed to let you drown?" He opened his mouth to say more but the front door swung open, me and Tommy turned our heads to look at the old man who stood there.

"Naomi?..." His voice was rough and he walked slowly to me. "Look at you..." He smiled, a little shocked, I stared at him, not really knowing how to react. He noticed my dog tags, and nodded respectively at me, he was a marine once before, he knew how bad it was out there. "How's Jade?..." He asked more quietly now.

"Don't ask her nothin'" Tommy spat, grabbing my hand and dragging me up the crickety stairs and into what was his and Brendan's room. The room was just the same, the two beds on either side, the posters, it was nostalgic. Tommy flopped on his bed and I sat on Brendan's, looking at him. I wondered if he ever thought about the day he left, and that kiss that was so out of the blue, I never forgot it.

"What happened with.. With ma?" He sat up and looked at me, it looked as if he was about to yell, but his face calmed down.

"She got sick, couldn't afford anything I was workin' four jobs to live in that shitbox" he laid back again, resting his head on his hands. "If they came with me she mighta stood a chance" he sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"It wasn't easy here either Tommy. After you left everything changed, Jade could barely focus anymore and Brendan was holding her together, and me..." I trailed off "Tommy we needed you"  Tommy shot a side glance at me.

"They made their choice, I wasn't going to sit here and let Ma hurt." He turned and looked at me. "I thought you of all people would understand that" I sighed, laying back into Brendan's bed. "What happened to grandma?" He turned his head to look at me and our eyes met, I wanted to embrace him, but whatever was between us as kids... That's wasn't there anymore.

"She's gone..." I sighed "she got sick too... I'm trying to save up money to buy her house back" Tommy's eyes looked sad when I spoke of her death, but he was good at hiding. He cleared his throat and looked at the ceiling.

"I still think about it as much as you do" he spoke, almost reading my mind. I knew he was talking about when he kissed me. "Seemed like a good idea at the time, didn't know if I'd ever see you again" we both laughed a little.

"You came back" I looked at him, and his eyes met mine again and I felt like I was a teenager all over again, staring into Tommy's eyes that had seen so many horrors, just as mine had. But he was the same Tommy. He smiled at me and looked back at the ceiling.

"You got some balls" he laughed, "I thought you were kidding about the corps" I chuckled, turning on my side to look at him, he looked so calm right now, but I could see the conflict ion and anger within him as he stared at the ceiling, I examined his tattoos that were exposed by his white tank top.

"Wish I was... Maybe Joel would still-"

"Stop, you're only making yourself hurt when you say shit like that." He cut me off, throwing his pills at me playfully. "Take a few of those, they'll knock you out" I did and sat awake talking with Tommy for a bit before the pills kicked in, and for once I had a sleep without nightmares.