All I Ever Wanted | Chresanto A. |

♡My Past♡

Ciara

:.:Last year, 2 weeks after my parents died (flashback) :.:

I wake up, the sun shining through my windows. I got up, made my way to the bathroom, I did my morning hygiene. I put my clothes on. I ate the breakfast my grandma made me.

This morning, I decide to walk to school. I hate the school I go to. I get bullied and I’m too weak to stand up for myself. I’m use to it now, it’s whatever. I learned how to ignore them and don’t give a fuck. I don’t have any friends. The whole school is against me.

I walk inside the huge building. I was already getting dirty stares. I just shrug it off, like always. I walk up to my locker and took out my physics book. Then, I walk in to first period.

---

I walk in to 6th period; which is Pre Algebra. I wasn’t ready to go in. I never am. Why? Because, y’know Tori? No? Well, Tori Brown is the most popular girl in school. She judges and makes fun of everyone. Especially me. She has gotten worse when she found out that my parents has passed away. I don’t even know how she found out, ‘cause I sure didn’t tell her.

I twist the door knob and open the door. I step inside. I took a seat in the back. The front is for the nerds, which is something I’m not. I’m an average student. Mr. Jones, the teacher, was on the phone.

“How’s parents going?” Tori joked. “Oh, right! They’re not alive!”

Several students laughed at her lame ass joke. I don’t see what’s so funny. Does she know how it feels to lose both your parents? Oh, right! She doesn’t. It’s not something easy to deal with.

I didn’t answer her. I feel like crying. I just put my head down, hoping she would get the fuck away from me.

“I hope you die too, bitch” She continues. “Just like your ugly ass parents did. Nobody will miss you; we don’t want you here anyway.”

I look up. She was laughing and some of the kids were agreeing with her. I got up and walk out. I walked home.

I got home and my grandma wasn’t here. I walk up stairs to my room. What Tori had said kept replaying over and over my mind. Maybe she’s right; I should be dead just like my parents. I mean, I don’t see the point of my living if nobody like me. People treat me like shit. What’s the point of living if I don’t even belong into this world.

I walk out of my room and went straight to the bathroom. I close the door and slide down on the cold floor. I pull my knees to my chest and cried. After what seems like 5 minutes, I got up and splash water on my face; making sure I was thinking right. Yep, I am.

I start looking for something. I’m not sure what it is. I don’t feel like myself right now but, who cares. I looked in the cabinets until I found exactly what I was looking for. I found a knife. Not sure what it’s doing there. But, it’ll do.

I took it and sat back on the floor. I stare at it. Was I really gonna do this?

I started cutting deep on my wrist. Blood was everywhere. I didn’t care; I kept cutting deeper and deeper in both my arms. I was becoming weak. I was losing too much blood.

My grandma, out of nowhere, came rushing in asking me questions. I was too weak to talk. Every time I would open my mouth to talk, nothing would come out. The room kept becoming darker and darker and I passed out.

----

I woke up a bright room, breathing heavily. I’m in a hospital. What happened? I look over to the side, my grandmas was sitting on a chair next to me. She was looking at me in disbelieve.

“What?” I ask. I look at my arms. Now, I remember. Why am I still alive? I wanted to be dead. Maybe what I did wasn’t enough. She just sat there and stare at me.

“What?” I ask again, annoyed. “Never seen a girl trynna commit suicide before?”

“Actually, I have”

“Who?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Your mom”

“M-my mom?”

“Yeah, she did it for the same reason you did”

“I’m sorry” I said.

“It’s okay, just know that killing yourself wasn’t gonna do us any favor. Just live your life and what people have to say about you. One day, they’ll be in the same position as you and they’ll know how it feels”

“Thanks, Ma. You always know the right things to say” I smile.

She smile and kiss my forehead. “Go to sleep, honey. You need some rest”

I close my eyes. Maybe she’s right. I didn’t need to kill myself for some stupid ass comment a girl made at school.

Within 15 minutes thinking about stuff, I drift off to sleep…