clothed
Summary: Yunho carries a heavy burden, but he forgets sometimes that Changmin is always there to share it with him.
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It's the first night after a first performance. Five of them on stage; it feels like a debut all over again, yet not really. It had been awkward, and Yunho could only barely suppress his jittery nerves of standing together with Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu on the same stage, and only years of practice had kept him from screwing things up. Everyone had doubted their reunion as five, but there they were, singing a new song. Together.
After all those long months of waiting and waiting, hoping and praying, to be able to give everyone a high-five, coming off the stage on a high, hugs all around, it was something Yunho never thought he would have the privilege of enjoying again.
Only the knowing smile on Changmin's face reassures him.
You did good, Hyung. You were wonderful.
Yunho remembers having awesome sex, not that sex with Changmin isn't wonderful ― it always is ― but last night had been phenomenal. Changmin had been the genius to suggest that since they had the weekend and the following two days off, on top of the fact that they deserved to celebrate a job well done, they could afford to spend more time in bed. Yunho remembers seeing the blush on the younger man's cheek, always so enthusiastic but shy at the same time. He had complied, of course.
Yunho never says no to Changmin.
He wakes up with Changmin pillowed on his arm, his lower half especially sore with a nice ache creeping up his back, one he's sure that Changmin will also wake up to, considering how they had alternated between bottoming the whole night, right through the early hours of the morning. He turns his head a little, just enough to peck Changmin on the temple while the younger man sleeps on. A quick glance at the clock and he knows he's up a lot later than he had planned, considering his Valentine's Day plans, but nothing he can't work around.
With another quick peck to Changmin's cheek, he manoeuvres his arm out from under Changmin, and attempts to slide of the bed quietly. Only, that proves to be a problem when he feels a weight against his hip underneath the blanket, keeping him in place. He looks down and scowls, finding some leverage on the bed with his feet and attempting to push off it slowly, but that doesn't work either.
In the end, he gives a hard kick, hoping to slide off the bed nicely even though the chances of falling off are high. It happens. Yunho takes a hard tumble off the bed, landing on his side, but he's definitely not expecting Changmin to fall off with him, the younger man yelping in surprise.
"Ah! Changmin-ah, I'm so sorry, are you okay?"
Changmin groans above him, rubbing his forehead where he had knocked it against the bedside table. Yunho pouts and worries at his bump, but Changmin kisses him on the cheek to soothe his worries, and attempts to push off Yunho. He yelps in pain and falls back onto Yunho with a surprised oof, looking down at their lower halves in horror. Yunho frowns, and attempts to crawl out from underneath Changmin, but is met with the same result, wincing at the sharp pain at his left hip.
"Oh, shit."
Jaejoong blinks slowly, opening his eyes to glare again at the pair. Of all the ridiculous things possible that could happen, this? Waking him up early on an off day, too. He makes a mental note to tell the fans that his eye bags and dark rings are all Yunho's fault, as he continues to glare at two of his naked band members. This really wasn't what he signed up for when he inked his latest contract as a member of the reformed Dong Bang Shin Ki.
"Jaejoong-ah..." Yunho whines. If he had been anywhere near erect and aroused, his balls and cock would have shrivelled into wrinkled prunes under Jaejoong's dangerous gaze. Changmin, on the other hand, remains unfazed, returning an equally ferocious glare. Yunho does a quick glance at his crotch and Changmin's to check that their bits and pieces are still intact.
"Ya, we asked you hear to help us stand up and get pants. Not to shoot laser beams with your eyes at us and threaten our manhood," Changmin deadpans, long fingers playing with Yunho's earlobe while his eyes lock with Jaejoong's in a challenge. Yunho tugs at his arm nervously. He likes Changmin just the way he is, not in bits and pieces after Jaejoong looks ready to chop him up with the meat cleaver in the kitchen.
Jaejoong shoots another glare at Changmin, but relents, holding both his hands out. After a bit more shifting around, Changmin sits up on Yunho's left and with a heave, Jaejoong tugs the both of them to stand.
"You two are fucking ridiculous, just so you know." He reaches into their closet and pulls out two pairs of sweat pants, tossing it at their heads. "I'm going back to bed."
Jaejoong storms out, slamming the door of his bedroom enough to wake Yoochun a little. Junsu remains dead to the world.
"Whadhappened?" Yoochun mumbles into his pillow, still groggy.
Jaejoong tosses another pillow at his head, before climbing into his bed.
"Just go back to sleep," Jaejoong grumbles.
After managing to struggle into their pants, Yunho and Changmin stumble together towards the bathroom, arms around each other's waists and hands on the walls of the corridor to balance themselves. It's a lot of tripping and bumbling on the way to the bathroom, but they somehow manage to make it unscathed. After ensuring that they are well balanced, Yunho tugs his pants down a little, exposing his left hip, while Changmin does the same for his right, and they examine themselves in front of a full-length mirror.
"This is one of those times where the weird and strange are reserved for just us, isn't it?" Yunho sighs.
"Yeeeeeep. Looks like it." Changmin shakes his head. He reaches a hand down, feeling around the area where their hips meet, fingers pressing into Yunho's pelvis before doing the same on his own, reaching between them to where the join happens.
"Don't move," he says, shifting a little experimentally to see how far apart the can possibly be. Pulling away from Yunho is painful; a sharp, hot pain that shoots from their hips towards their spine. He tries to move around Yunho, but that too is limited. He frowns, reaching down again to feel at their hips, scowling.
"Well?"
"Yep. Looks like we're really stuck at the hip. And it doesn't feel like skin alone, it's as though our bones have melded together or something."
Yunho sighs. "There go my Valentine's Day plans."
"You don't want to be stuck with me on Valentine's Day?" Changmin teases.
"Not what I meant," Yunho replies, pouting. "I can't hug you properly."
"Awwww," Changmin coos; curling his arms around Yunho's waist and pressing a kiss to the older man's cheek. "This isn't so bad."
Yunho gives a small smile, still unsure about things.
"Don't worry, Yunho-yah," Changmin whispers, cupping Yunho's cheek, turning so he can press their lips together. "Everything will be all right."
Yoochun glances up from his bowl at Yunho and Changmin, before looking back down, shifting a little further away from the pair, his chair scraping on the wooden laminate. To his right, Junsu shifts as well, a little afraid that if he sits too close, they will all begin to meld at the hip. Jaejoong continues to shoot laser beams with his eyes at the unsuspecting pair, his lunch ignored and turning colder by the minute. Yoochun glances at Junsu, who shrugs. Jaejoong could use those laser beams to warm his food instead.
Changmin calmly spoons a mouthful of food into Yunho's mouth, picking a stray grain of rice from the corner of the older man's mouth with his index finger, smiling till his eyes crinkle mismatched. He considers, maybe it isn't such a bad thing to be pressed so close to Yunho, who has an arm around him, playing with the strands of hair at his nape, comfortable warmth emanating from his body. As a silence slips over the table and the other three retreat after a while, Changmin can't help but think that maybe there's something Yunho isn't telling him, considering the last couple of times* that strange things had happened to them.
Yunho continues eating his lunch quietly, and when he holds out a spoonful for Changmin to eat, Changmin stops him, holding and guiding the hand back down to drop the spoon into the bowl.
"Yunho-yah, is everything okay?"
Changmin is thankful that it has come to a point where he knows Yunho and his intricacies too well, not missing the flash of insecurity before a ridiculously bright answer bubbles from Yunho's mouth.
"Of course it is! Why would anything not be okay?" Yunho replies, smiling a little too wide it unsettles Changmin. "It's Valentine's Day, Changmin-ah, my favourite day."
Not that Changmin needs any reminding at all, no, because every year Yunho goes out of the way to make the time they spend together even more special, and Changmin can only love him more. He settles for finishing his meal quietly, thinking long and hard as to what might have made his hyung sad or worried or insecure about them that landed them in this predicament.
Yunho doesn't say another word, and simply feeds Changmin another mouthful.
The day proves to be eventful and somewhat torturous, especially when moving around isn't as easy or convenient. After much difficulty in the shower, Changmin has come to the conclusion that things would be easier if they either mirror their movements, or take turns. Putting pants on is easier one at a time, while soaping their bodies is easier if they do it at the same time. A soaking in the tub is out of the question, of course.
With the other three out of the house (something about eating black noodles with other lonely people, Jaejoong had said), Yunho and Changmin spend a good few hours trying to get used to moving around side by side without falling over all the time.
"It's like walking in a three-legged race!" Yunho exclaims, marvelling at how smart Changmin is to have figured that out, tying their legs on the inner side together. He braces himself on Changmin's shoulder, resting a little as a slight ache settles on his lower left back, most probably from the strain of walking in an awkward position for too long.
"A-Ah, Yunho!" Changmin yelps, losing balance when Yunho leans against him too much, and the two of them tumble to the floor, Changmin absorbing the bulk of the impact, landing awkwardly with their legs still tied together.
You all right?" Yunho asks, bows furrowed in worry, propping himself up on an elbow.
"M'okay, Yunho-yah." Arms wrap around Yunho's waist and even though it's an awkward hug and his back throbs a little, Changmin pulls him closer, squashing his cheek against Yunho's collarbone, pressing his lips against his jaw.
"At least now we can practice standing up," Changmin laughs brightly, pushing up onto his elbows while Yunho rearranges himself next to Changmin. Counting to three together, they push from sitting positions, leaning forward to kneel on one knee, and with another set of three they push and stand simultaneously, side by side and oddly straight.
"Hey..." Yunho starts. "It worked! That was easy."
"Yeah..." Changmin nods, smiling. They've made great progress today, considering that it's not everyday that you wake up joined at the hip with your lover in a totally non-sexual way, and even though it's still awkward to move around, Changmin's thankful that Yunho hasn't complained at all, and is even making it a point to enjoy their current predicament with little pecks to the cheek and playful smacks on Changmin's bottom occasionally.
"Think we can make it to the bathroom in the next five seconds, though?" Changmin wonders. When Yunho gives a curious tilt of his head, Changmin grins sheepishly, eyes crinkling.
"I kind of need to pee."
After Changmin successfully manages a toilet trip without peeing on Yunho's thigh, Yunho decides that like it or not, it's Valentine's Day, and he's determined to put his plan into action, Changmin glued to him involuntarily or not. It does dishearten him a little when his surprise no longer works, and he settles for preparing that dinner he had intended to whip up for Changmin.
Only, that doesn't quite go according as plan too, especially since Changmin ends up helping him with the preparation, being more adept with the knife than Yunho has ever been. He chops the vegetables efficiently, dumping them into the pot before Yunho can protest, relegating Yunho to just adding salt and spice at appropriate times.
Dinner is enjoyable enough, but Changmin doesn't fail to notice how Yunho's mood sours, the older man's attempts to hide it with bright smiles and repeatedly questioning Changmin if he's had enough for dinner not doing enough to mask the nervousness emanating from Yunho. Even more, Changmin can just sense it coming from Yunho, and he wonders if it has anything to do that they are technically one body instead of two. Technically.
The trio don't return home by the time Yunho and Changmin decide to retire early, easing themselves onto the bed, sitting down at the edge first before crawling backwards until they're within distance of the pillows. Yunho pulls the covers over them, pulling Changmin a little closer. He fidgets around, trying to find a comfortable way to hold Changmin while they sleep, but his arm either gets stuck between their bodies or Changmin's elbow ends up in his face. In the end, they settle for lying on their backs, arms linked and hands clasped over their bellies, breaths in sync as they stare at the ceiling.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Changmin-ah." The words have a forced cheerfulness, even though Changmin knows too well that Yunho hadn't enjoyed the day to its full extent. Changmin doesn't know how to respond, and continues to stare at the ceiling, listening for Yunho's breathing. He sighs and lets out a breath he's been holding when Yunho finally falls asleep, turning his head to watch Yunho as he sleeps, the rise and fall of his chest steady and gentle.
"Are you really?" he whispers, reaching his free hand out to caress Yunho's cheek, following an imaginary line from his temple to his jaw. "Are you really happy right now?"
Jaejoong nudges Yoochun, who in turn nudges Junsu as they sit across Yunho and Changmin, who eat breakfast in complete silence. No mutual feeding, no handholding under the table, no sickening sweet grins and Eskimo kisses. Just stoned, stoic silence.
Jaejoong gives Yoochun and Junsu the Look, and they all retreat from the dining table immediately and into their bedrooms. If Yunho and Changmin are having one of those fights, best to get out of line of sight, and out of the crossfire.
Changmin sets his chopsticks down gently, chewing his mouthful slowly before looking at Yunho. Yunho continues to eat his meal in silence, not looking up from his bowl, not paying attention to the way Changmin observes him.
"Hyung."
Changmin's frown deepens when Yunho doesn't respond, and instead continues to shovel more rice into his mouth. Changmin grabs the bowl and pulls it away from Yunho, placing it at the far end of the table. Yunho barely reacts; he places his spoon down on the table, chewing his mouthful slowly, the movements of his jaw deliberate and hard that Changmin can almost hear the way his molars grind against each other with each bite down.
Yunho's throat clicks as he swallows, forcing the large ball of food down his throat before turning to look at Changmin, his expression blank and unreadable.
"Yunho-hyung, talk to me, please."
"What do you want me to say, Changmin?" Yunho replies, his tone clipped and a little cold, and Changmin can't help but feel a little hurt by it. He places his hand on top of Yunho's, but Yunho makes no movement to return any affection.
"You're upset. Tell me what it is. Please," he pleads, fingers clenching and tightening around Yunho's palm. The older man's expression changes, turning grim and dark. Yunho shakes his head.
"There's no point in saying anything. You won't understand."
"So tell me! Help me understand! Explain it to me!" Changmin exclaims, shaking Yunho's arm. It hits him in the chest when Yunho pushes his hand away harshly, looking at him unkindly.
"Tell you what?" Yunho hisses. "That I wish I wasn't the leader because I carry such a heavy burden? That you don't know what it's like to be alone with so much responsibility? That I can never forgive myself for letting the five of us break up like that? Is that what you want to hear?"
Changmin doesn't reply. He looks on at Yunho, resolute and perhaps a little sad. Did Yunho never know, that Changmin had been with him all the while when everything happened? Maybe Changmin didn't understand what it was like to be the leader, but he had done everything he could to be with Yunho. He knows logically that being angry and upset with Yunho now wouldn't help anybody, but he can't help that his heart aches so much with the fact that Yunho has never noticed how hard Changmin tries.
Changmin tries to stand, but he can't and a sharp pain rips through his hip, Yunho hissing beside him in pain an indication that the older man feels it just as much as he does. Changmin sits back down onto his chair, staring at the lines in the wood of the dining table, vision gradually blurring as tears pool.
"I guess you never knew, huh? I can't even leave you alone now, no matter how much I want to."
What could have been a painless day of relaxation turns into an awkward, bumbling, painful day when Yunho and Changmin can't seem to agree on anything. Neither of them have a choice in doing what they want to do in solitude, and it turns into a battle of wills to get what they want.
In the end, they grudgingly settle on the couch with their arms folded and facing away from each other as far as possible, the TV running but neither of them watching.
That's when Jaejoong makes his immaculately-timed entrance into the living room, plopping himself down beside Changmin. He would sit between them if he could, simply on principle that his YunJae fans love the fan-service but Changmin's always there to cock-block. This time, however, he chooses to sit next to Changmin, because Yunho looks ready to kill anyone within arms' length sans Changmin, and Changmin looks like he's killing himself with grief.
"Okay, spill. What's Yunho being stupid about this time?" Jaejoong chirps, seeking to be as annoyingly happy as possible.
Changmin spares Jaejoong a withered look, only to be returned with an extremely bright smile accompanied with a wink, and then it hits Changmin.
Oh, I get it, and Changmin sighs dramatically, sniffing a little to play up the act. Yunho shifts uncomfortably beside him and Changmin can't help buy smirk at Jaejoong. His hyung is a genius sometimes, as much as he'd hate to admit it.
"Yunho-hyung's being stupid because he thinks it's his fault we split, and how no one knows how stressful it gets for him as the leader. He thinks he's failed at that but he has no idea how much people respect him for everything he's done."
"And," Changmin adds in a softer, gentler whisper, smiling wistfully at Jaejoong, who returns a knowing one. "He thinks he's always alone. He thinks he has to shoulder all the burden alone, but he doesn't have to. I'm right here, I didn't leave him, I won't, and I can't even be separated from him right now even if I wanted to be."
"I...see." Jaejoong deadpans, barely concealing his laughter behind his hand.
"Yeah. I just want him to know that." Changmin sighs, leaning back against the couch, folding his arms and closing his eyes.
Jaejoong gives a nod, standing up from the couch and walking around the pair to plop down beside Yunho. Yunho glares at him, but Jaejoong doesn't flinch. He continues to smile brightly, a little disarming and Yunho relaxes visibly, folding his arms and sulking.
"Hi, Yunho-yah! I have some things to tell you." Jaejoong says, ruffling Yunho's hair just to annoy him.
What do you want," Yunho grumbles.
"Changmin is upset. With you. You think you're alone and you forget that he's never left you so I'm here to tell y ou to get your act together. You're a great guy, but you're too hard on yourself, so you need to lighten up-"
"Stop it, will you?"
"No, you need to listen. It's not your fault we broke up. Things happen, ideals change, and that isn't a bad thing. You know what they say, if you don't change, you vegetate."
"So what's your point?" Yunho bites out.
"My point is, you need to start looking around and start remembering the people who matter to you. If anything, only their opinions of you should matter to you."
Jaejoong stands up, clapping his hands on his thighs before petting Yunho on the head.
"Think about it, Yunho-yah. Just...think about it."
Yunho doesn't move, and Changmin watches as Jaejoong leaves them both alone in the living room. He chews on his lip nervously, wondering if he should say anything, or try to reiterate what Jaejoong had said, but he isn't given the opportunity to.
Yunho stands up suddenly, and it takes them a moment to realise that there is no ripping pain at their hips, Changmin's not falling off the couch and Yunho's not falling on top of him.
Yunho tenses at the realisation, and before Changmin can even get words out of his mouth, he hurries out of the living room. Changmin hears the bedroom door slam from down the corridor.
Changmin sighs, tugging the garter of his sweats away little to examine his pelvis, his frown deepening when he finds not a single mark on his skin. It's as though they were never joined at the hip.
Changmin's not sure how he feels about that, but tears roll down his cheeks and he decides that maybe he's a bit heartbroken about everything after all.
Yunho lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling as sunlight begins to make itself known, seeping through the gaps in the curtains to bathe the room in light. The other side of the bed is empty and cold, and only serves to remind Yunho again that if he's ever alone, it's because he chases everyone and anyone who tries to care for him away.
In this case, Changmin.
He climbs out of bed, feeling weary from being unable to sleep, shuffling to the living room to find Changmin curled into a ball on the couch. A quick touch to Changmin's feet comes back cold, and Yunho feels even more guilty. He sits in front of Changmin, running a hand through the younger man's hair, trailing soft caresses on his cheek, wishing all those touches could equate to apologies right then.
Changmin stirs from sleep, squeezing his eyes shut tighter before rubbing them with the back of his hand, stifling his yawn into the cushion before stretching out over the full length of the couch.
"G'morning," Changmin mumbles, whining in the back of his throat as he stretches and hears the cracks along his spine and shoulders. He sits up on the couch, but Yunho doesn't move to sit beside him, moving forward to kneel, in front of Changmin, holding both his hands and resting them on knobbly knees.
"I'm sorry, Changmin. I really am."
"You're wearing your guilty face, and you're really beating yourself up about this," Changmin surmises, smiling a little. "You need to stop, Yunho-yah. You, of all people, deserve to have something to be happy about. Don't let the past deprive you of that. They're just memories for you to remember and learn from. And you're not alone in this. I'm going to be right next to you."
"I know, Changmin-ah. I know now," Yunho smiles, pushing up on Changmin's knees to sit down on the couch, pulling Changmin into a tight hug, face buried in the younger man's neck and he knows he's sorely missed this in the last two days.
Jaejoong was right about change being good, but Yunho's glad for one thing that hasn't changed. Changmin's presence, love, and support are the only constants that don't go away despite all that's happened, and Yunho can't find any way to repay the younger man, except to try and love him a little more each day.
He pulls back a little to press their lips together; a simple, chaste kiss, and he almost laughs when Changmin parts his lips a little to deepen it. They're still caught up in a kiss when the other three stumble into the living room, stopping and staring unabashedly at the pair.
"You two..." Yoochun starts.
"You're not still joined at the hip, are you?" Junsu frowns, taking a cautious step towards the pair. Yoochun tugs him back behind his own body to be safe.
Changmin and Yunho pull apart and grin, shaking their heads, arms still wrapped around each other.
Nope. But you know, we'd still be stuck together even if we're not being stuck stuck like that," Yunho jokes, laughing heartily when YooSu groan.
"Boy, don't we know it," Yoochun rolls his eyes and says.
Jaejoong simply contents himself with watching the pair, glad to see that they're being sickeningly lovey-dovey again, giving them both a wink before padding to the kitchen. He hears Yunho making a comment about making up for Valentine's Day, and laughs to himself while he pulls out a pot for stew.
As long as they don't mess up his kitchen again, he's perfectly happy.
