Forgetting the Murder

14: Theories

Every time I try to go to sleep, I can't. I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable. Every now and again I can feel my eyelids slowly drooping, begging for sleep, and I ignore their requests. I made a promise to myself that I while wait for tomorrow, I would remember yesterday, and the six months before that. So I walk to the bathroom, splash water over my face and pace around my room for five minutes, letting the cold air nip and my skin, and once I'm fully awake again I get into bed and continue to tell my story. I tell myself over and over again that I can't forget, I just can't forget.

***

"No Mum, I'm not buying that flat."

"Please Abby, it's nice!" Mum begged.

I turned around to face her. "It's facing a building site,"

"That won't be there forever,"

"I'm leaving,"

"Come back!"

"Adios madre!" And with a wave of my hand I was out the door.

I lay on the grass, front down, staring at my neighbour's cat. I wanted a cat. I loved cats. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the clouds. "My life's pathetic." I mumbled to myself.

"I can make it more exciting,"

I looked up at the direction the voice came from and there was Poddy staring down at me. I stood up and dusted the grass from my shorts.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

Before I knew it, I was speeding down the road to Hannah's house on Poddy's motorbike. Poddy swerved in and out of the traffic when it was too slow for his liking (under 40mph).

"You're going to get us killed!" I shouted in his ear.

"Do you want me to stop?"

I stayed silent. The truth was that I liked these dangerous journeys. I was addicted to the rush. The more dangerous the better. Shortly, we were outside Hannah's block of flats. This time I was able to get off the bike without falling. We walked up to Hannah's flat and knocked on the door reading 308.

Hannah answered the door, looking very tired but as soon as she saw me her face lit up and she hugged me as usual.

"Come in, come in!" she said gesturing for us to come through the door.

I sat down on her sofa as Poddy disappeared into the kitchen. He came out with a bottle of beer and sat down beside me. Hannah sat beside Poddy and stole his drink to take a swing of it. Poddy offered it to me but I refused. I hated alcohol.

It's not that I dislike the taste. I don't like the effects. I don't like the way you could wake up with no recollection of the previous day. I don't like that you could have emptied out your deepest feelings to everyone or done stuff you would never normally do. I just don't like alcohol because of those reasons.

Thankfully, they only had one bottle between two. I can't stand it to watch people drink their lives away. Poddy turned on Jersey Shore. I decided it was time for me to complain.

"How can you watch this?" I asked in disgust.

"I agree, Abby," Hannah said to me.

"It's amazing," Poddy stated.

"It's amazingly destroying your brain cells one episode at a time." I said.

"Oh shut up," Poddy huffed.

I turned to Hannah who was stifling her laughter. I nearly fell asleep during the show but I restrained myself to avoid embarrassment. Poddy tried to light a cigarette but Hannah shouted at him quickly.