Forgetting the Murder

30: Epilogue

"Bye darling,"

He kisses me on the cheek then heads out the door. He's away to work. I always miss him when he leaves, it gets quite lonely.

Carl. He's my husband. I admit, I love him. He's the best thing that has happened in my life since Zeke Riley.

It's been five years now. Five years. It feels like, at least, ten. So much has happened, it's hard to take it all in. It was on this day too, that Zeke died. It's his anniversary. I would go to visit his grave, but he doesn't have one.

It's so hard to believe. I'm thirty now, and I'm not Abby Winston anymore, I'm Abby Gallagher. It still sounds weird for me to be called that, and I've been called that for a year now!

I'm sure you're a bit lost, reader. You've missed out on five years of my life, after all! I'll fill you in now.

After Zeke's execution, I was a mess. I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep and I wouldn't talk to anyone. I didn't see the point in living happily without him. I was told I was depressed, but I refused to go to see a doctor.

Suicide crossed my mind several times, I even clasped my bottle of pills at night a few times, wondering whether I should do it or not. Then I realised I realised I could never do that to the people around me. Just because I was hurting didn't mean they had to as well. Zeke wouldn't have wanted me to anyway.

Eventually, Emily took me under her wing. She stayed in my apartment and slowly helped me regain happiness, without the aid of drugs. She helped me put on weight, as I was dangerously skinny. I had never been so thankful of her existence before in my life.

Emily kept telling me to forgive Mum and Dad, but I just couldn't.

"You have to forgive them, Abby. They didn't understand how much Zeke meant to you." she would say.

"How could they not know?" I would reply in a spiteful tone. It was the only emotion I seemed to show. Anger and pain. No other.

"Didn't Zeke teach you about forgiveness? That nothing is unforgivable?"

Zeke taught me that, as long as they are truly sorry, nothing is ever unforgivable. Without him I would be holding a lot of grudges right now, and I would've never believed in love. Eventually though, I did forgive my parents. I wanted to get rid of any part of that life, except my memory of Zeke.

The light catches on the diamond on my finger, making it glisten. It looks a little bit like the one Zeke gave me. That ring is long gone. I had to get rid of it as soon as I left the execution. I couldn't bare to look it at. I didn't want to be reminded of what I'd just lost.

Once I was back to a normal state, I quit work. I just couldn't face that horrible hospital any longer. I knew I would miss Steve, and I would have to cut back on my spendings a lot; but I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to think of myself and ignore other people's expectations.

But let's stop talking about the past, I must move foward, there is no 'back' for me anymore. It's time to think about the present and future.

Right now, I am content. The happiest I've ever been since Zeke's death. As I mentioned earlier, I've married Carl. I really do love Carl; he's sweet, caring and sensitive. He's everything I could ever ask for.

Except he's not Zeke.

I won't lie, I don't feel the same way about Carl as I did for Zeke. I will never feel the same way about any man as I did for Zeke, of that I am sure.

I have left my old life behind. My friends, my job and my house. After Zeke I decided to start anew, and so I moved to London. I live in a nice little two storey house in the suburbs with Carl.

I left Poddy and Hannah behind as well as Steve. I miss them terribly. Sometimes I sit and wonder what they're up to. I got an invitation to their wedding in the mail the other day. I nearly started to cry with happiness. Their wedding will be the first time I will have seen them in three years, and I can't wait. I bet I will cry bucket loads. E-mail and Skype just isn't like seeing them in person.

As for Gabrielle, we're actually the best of friends now. She moved with me to London and became a fashion designer. I see her nearly every week. She's single at the minute. She says she's too busy for a relationship. I'll just have to set her up with someone as soon as she's not looking.

I miss Emily the most though as she's moved to Spain. I'd never thought my little sister would ever move to a sunny country, considering she hates sun and tourists! Nevertheless, I am so pleased for her. I've booked myself a trip to Malaga so I can visit her. She's 23 now, and lives in an apartment with her boyfriend Marco.

I wish her the best. It's the least I can do.

Since I quit the job at the hospital, I've become an artist. Can you believe it? It's what I've always wanted to do! I have to say, I love it. I can work at home and do what I love, all as my job!

Suddenly, I feel a tug at the bottom of my jeans, interrupting my thoughts. I look down and realise it is my baby son. I bend down to pick him up before cuddling him in my arms.

He's one year old now. He's Carl's son, but he doesn't really look like Carl. He looks a lot like me, we have the same nose and eyes. Every time I look into his chestnut eyes I see myself, just like Zeke had predicted.

That's his name, Zeke. Zeke Gallagher. I wanted to find a way for Zeke to live on, even if he was dead. This way, I'll always remember him.

Of course, I never told Carl why I wanted to name him Zeke; and I won't tell him, not until I am on my deathbed. I will carry a lot of secrets throughout my life, and some people might find a way to figure them out, but not one person will know them all. When I'm dying, I want to write a list with all my secrets, and request for it to be given to my friends and family at my funeral, so I won't have to listen to their judgement, but yet they'll be able to look back and understand me and my actions.

I feel the same way about my son as I did for Zeke. It's called unconditional love. I think I might love my son a little bit more, but. I would do anything for my child, no matter what the consequences are. I brought him to this earth and so I will defend him until the very end.

I think I might tell Zeke, my son, about Zeke Riley once he's old enough. I think he'll understand. I know for a fact my son will grow up to be as good as the man he's named after - minus the murders, of course.

I smile as I place Zeke gently in his cot. I kiss him on the forehead before turning off the lights. Now, I'm going to continue my next painting. It's of two couples standing on a small hill overlooking the sea letting off a Chinese Lantern, the best thing is that I'm the only one who understands it.

And so, reader, this is where I leave you. You know my love story, now it's time to go and create your own. I hope you will truly have your happy ending.

Right now, I'm not sure which path my life will take, or where I'll be ten years from now; but what I do know is that, for as long as I live, I will never forget Zeke Riley.

~*~ the end ~*~