rogue ⇒ l.h

[13]

[13]

at 7am, i got a text by erik.

oh by the way darling, don't let the boy come with you or i'll kill him.
love, e.

he was sick. so sick. i managed to make it to the bathroom before i threw up after the phone call this morning. i couldn't sleep after that.

so i watched luke sleep. i played with his hair. i touched his face. i imagined his blue eyes staring back at me. and that was all i needed to keep myself from falling apart.

because after today, after i give myself up to erik, I'll never see luke again.

the thought made tears burn in my eyes and i rubbed them away. no, i could not cry. i had to stay strong. for luke. and for everyone i ever cared about, including raven and cade.

i had to live these three days to my fullest, being with the people i love and who love me back. i had to leave them after the three days or they'll be killed by him. never would i let that happened.

i had to leave raven. the only girl who hadn't shunned me, who hadn't labelled me as trash, who picked me up when i was at my worst, who made me tag along on her crazy adventures, who never gave up on me. she was the closest and longest friend I had and i was forever grateful for her. she was there when everyone threw rotten eggs on me, was there when i had nowhere to live, was there when i needed someone.

i had to leave cade. for goodness sake, i had just met him! how could i just leave out of the blue without saying goodbye? he was one of the only boys who never ignored me and walked past me like i was invisible, he never bullied me, never used me or want me for his own needs. he was kind at heart and such a real person. these few weeks had made me earn a new friend— and now i was going to lose him.

i had to leave luke. the only one i knew who had powers like me. who didn't understand himself, like me. who took care of me and saved my life. who became my best friend and was there for me at my weakest and my best. i had a feeling it would be the worst, leaving him, because he was the only one who truly knew who i was— not a murderer, not a shy quiet introvert, not an untouchable girl. i was anna when i was with him.

giving up on him would be like giving up on myself. it would be like half of myself was torn away from me. i wonder if i would die from the heartbreak of separating from my dearest friends.

but i rather that happened than living with erik.