rogue ⇒ l.h

[17]

[17]

i was never interested in kissing. all i saw was saliva and tongues and it just didn't appeal to me. i used to think it was the most disgusting thing in the world.

i think i changed my mind. because it wasn't disgusting, it was amazing.

luke's lips on mine drove the butterflies in my stomach crazy and i never knew i could feel the way that i felt in that moment. it wasn't sparks, it wasn't fireworks, it was a freaking nuclear bomb that had exploded inside me and wiped out all my organs but i was stil breathing, still living.

luke sucked in a gasp and kissed me back hard, knocking the wind out of me. he kissed me back he kissed me back he kissed me back

something clicked in the back of my mind. i widened my eyes and used all my strength to push luke away. the force landed me on the sand and i was numb and missing the taste of luke's lips.

in my ecstasy, i had forgotten the most important thing. i almost killed him. i was poison, hurting and killing everyone whom i touch.

"are you okay?" i asked frantically, "are you hurt, luke?" I got up to survey him but all he looked was dazed and dreamy. not injured. he finally focused his attention on me. "n-no i'm not hurt," he said.

i sighed in relief, "thank god."

raven and cade were watching us, their faces slightly confused. luckily they were too far away to hear us, though they did saw us kiss. my very first kiss.

luke stared at me breathlessly. "that was amazing anna. i—"

"no. we can't do it again. i'm sorry, i don't know what came over me, let's pretend this never happened." my words pierced my heart but i pretended to act uncaring.

"no, i know you harbor feelings for me anna, i could feel it in the way you kissed me, god, i still can. we—" he argued, but i interrupted again, "luke! this isn't about our feelings! this is about hurting you! i don't want to do that!"

"but we kissed and i didn't get hurt!" he said.

i said sadly, "my touch won't hurt you for a few seconds, and that's how long we kissed." it was true, i always had to touch someone for more than a few seconds before they could feel the pain.

"i know that you feel the same way i do anna, i know it."

the next words from me were meant to discourage him, but they broke my own heart into pieces. "i have feelings for you as a best friend. nothing more. i'm sorry, the kiss was a mistake."

i walked away from him. one step at a time. walking over the broken pieces of my heart. "fine, i never liked you anyway, you're just a sad self-pitying little girl who nobody loves!" luke shouted after me hostilely.

i want to say something back but my mouth won't open and i run as fast as i can, the tears streaming down my face and i don't think i've ever felt this way before, not even when i was in seventh grade and students pushed me down the bus and pelted me with tampons.

---

raven was driving with me and cade in the backseat. they had seen me crying and wanted to take me home. cade's arms were wrapped around my torso as i shook silently.

"that was low man, so low," cade shook his head, "i can't believe he's that kind of guy." apparently cade and raven weren't that far away to not hear our conversation.

raven seethed, "after this, i am so going to teach that horrible bastard a lesson, it comes with a price to screw with my best friend." but i knew it was just an empty threat.

we reached our apartment but my legs had fallen asleep so cade carried me into my room and laid me on the bed for me to rest. "i'm so sorry this happened." he whispered and kissed my hair. he left shortly after. i could hear him and raven bickering outside about how they should kill luke.

i was tired but i couldn't fall asleep. after all, how was i supposed to, knowing that luke was no longer my best friend and that i was leaving him in a day, just after a fight?

sleeping no longer felt like sleeping, knowing that he wasn't there with me.

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fuck u luke jus fuck u