Calling For Summer [GirlxGirl]

Chapter Nine

| Jade Summers |

I kissed her. I fucking kissed her. Why did I kiss her? Why didn't I kiss her sooner? Why did I fucking kiss her? Is she okay?

Letting my body fell back onto my bed, I covered my face with my hands. I sighed and sat back up, walking into the bathroom, cringing at the reflection in the mirror. The mascara I had applied this morning had run down my cheeks and left marks, which I'm surprised Winter didn't comment on, probably because hers was the same. My eyes were red and puffy, so you could tell I'd been crying, and my skin was flushed so the color seemed to have been completely drained from my face. The girl in the mirror looked miserable, which was unfortunately accurate.

Sorting through the cabinets to find my makeup remover, I wiped the running mascara from my cheeks, cleaning my face completely, leaving no remnants of smeared makeup behind. Teardrops threatened to fall, but I refused to let them, I'd cried enough today. This persona I've created was supposed to be strong. I'm not allowed to break down like this, I'm the supporter, the shoulder to cry on, not vice versa.

Should I call Winter and apologize? What would I say? Is our relationship just going to be one apology after another? Do I even like her? I think I do, but- God, I hate feelings! It's so much easier to just shut everyone out, why couldn't I stick with the plan? Well, I guess I knew that answer.

A soft knock temporarily ceased me from thinking about the mess I've made. My mom entered my room, and didn't say a word as she sat down on the bed beside me.

We sat there in silence, and my mom put her arms around me. It was nice, my head on her shoulder and her head on my head.

"Jade honey, are you okay?" she finally asked, her voice hushed. Some strange mix of disappointment and anxiety overwhelmed me because she broke the silence.

"No," I answered bluntly, knowing it was no use trying to pretend I wasn't falling apart at the seams.

"Boy problems?" Mom smiled dryly, the wrinkles in her face more apparent than I usually take note of.

"Girl problems," I corrected, without meaning to. Crap.

"What's going on with your friends?" she questioned innocently.

Of course my mother would assume my sexuality. Really, this was the best response she could have given me if I wanted to be kept closeted. But. This is my first major relationship problem, and I don't think it will be my last. How long do I figure I can actually keep this a secret from her? If I marry it'll be to a girl, and then how would I explain it to her? I might as well tell her now.

"No. Mom, I- I'm gay."

Her expression went stone cold, and suddenly the weight of my body increased that of a billion anchors, "What?"

"I like girls, Mom," I explained, scared. No, I was terrified as to what her reaction would be.

She froze, slowly removing her arms from me. "Get out."

"What?" I looked over at her in disbelief, and I wasn't sure if I was going to cry again or if I was too shocked to yet.

"I said get out!" she yelled, standing up. "I will not have such an abomination living under this roof!"
"What the hell, Mom?" I shouted, standing up too. This can't actually be happening! I thought her love for me was more important than her hatred for homosexuals.

"Don't you dare call me your mother, I didn't raise a faggot," she said with a furious look in her eye. I wanted to stare her down and make her crack. She couldn't really mean this. There had to be some way to emotionally override her actions. I thought she loved me.

But no. Not enough.

With that mindset, I grabbed my phone and ran. Swiftly, I snatched my purse from the foyer and I ran out as fast as I fucking could, sobbing my eyes out at the same time. I guess the shock wasn't that overwhelming. A safe place didn't seem in the cards for me today, but I ran over the list anyway. There's no way I would go to David, Jenna and Taylor are probably too infatuated with each other to notice me, and Finn, Finn's parents were almost as homophobic as they come. Winter.