PAIN is LOVE

cascading confessions

''what are you trying to prove Rea?'' I was no longer 'that girl' but I was simply Rea

''you just proved it Dabs'' I said in a mocking tone

''what do you mean?''

''I was just showing you that I've always been a threat to you''

"what?! I never even knew you" she exclaimed

"but you always made jokes about the geek girl remember" my confidence was overwhelming her and I couldn't say better for myself either "how does being one of them feel Dabs? can't handle life without fame?"

''you never gonna win him!'' she yelled behind me as I turned away making my way to class

''we'll see about that, we'll wait and see'' I said without facing her, afraid that she might see the uncertainty plastered on my face. The fact that she was worried was pleasing enough and at that moment if I was asked me what revenged tasted like, I would simply answer Dabs voice in the face of defeat.

***

Class, one of the places (if given the choice) I would have rather not been in. Thabile's eyes bored my flesh, they burnt of betrayal and hurt and I could not blame her. I knew that what I did to her was wrong but I was so glued up on TJ that she meant nothing to me, she just became someone I once knew. Her life had become a misery! She fought the DSL alone and they obviously played on her head like kids on a marry-go-round and she in turn became best-friends with the toilet; where she would cry her heart out and have no one judge her.

''today we'll be talking about the importance of friendship'' our life orientation teacher said. I could feel Thabile's eyes peel my flesh off

''what do you think a friendship is?'' he continued. No one answered him. He stood there for a while then asked another question and still no one answered. He asked a dozen more and still there came no response and he just couldn't take it anymore

''am I teaching zombies' in this class'' no one replied '' what is your problem?''

''you're the problem'' an answer shot from the back of the classroom and a round of giggles followed

''you don't know what friendship is but if anyone would ask you about sex and dating the answers would come more than required.''

''that's because you know how to ask the right questions when it comes to that, right now you asking us things we don't want to know about'' a girl commented

''you know what friendship is? it's when you know that you'll have a person to talk to in times of sorrow and in times of joy, it's when you know that there is true love and caring involved. A friend is someone who will stand by you no matter what, it's someone who will put you first before any guy in the world and you would always be their first priority. A friend would never leave you to just so they can be someone they're not for some stupid reasons. If someone ever does that, just now they were never worthy of being your friend to begin with'' Thabile said then stormed out of the room.

An awkward silence followed after her speech and I could feel everyone looking at me. Even Mr Ngobese knew that the definition was directed to me

Nothing was going the way I planned it to be. I lost a true friend, I lost what I thought would be true love and I lost myself and there seemed to be no possibility of fixing things. My name was everywhere, every girl wanted to be me and very guy wanted to date me, well except one. And that was never my aim from the start. But either way, whether I have him or not I still had to be rid of the DSL!

''I hope you're happy with your life'' I looked at her in awe, sitting with her knees drawn to her chest and her hands wrapped around them ''cause honestly, you're the only one''

''what? '' she was crying

''You were better off being the stupid girl 'cause then you had a friend. Now you got all the attention but you've got no friends.'' What the hell! ''sure you got all the hot guys screaming your name but what happens when you go back to jeans and sneakers? do you think they'll love as much when you are the real you?'' I watched her leave, rather surprised that she never used 'you know' in any of her sentences.

I sat there for a while, lost in my own thoughts. was I really just a new sensation bound to fade off? Dabs had been miss popular for as long as I could remember, surely I could do better than her. Thabile s just jealous of my fame I repeated the idea in my head. there couldn't be any other way to explain her behaviour

''hey Rea, what's up sweets?'' Thabo said, removing my bag from the stair case so he could join me

''oh hi Thabo, didn't see you there'' can't I deal with you tomorrow?

"yeah, what's bugging you? you don't look so happy"

"nothing big, just thinking of which colour I should put on my nails tomorrow. How are you?" I can't believe I just said that. what is Thabile is right?

''never been better. I mean could life be this great without you'' He stopped and drew in some air ''so I've been thinking about what you offered me''

''and? ''

''well I thought I would give myself a chance and see if I can take back the key to your heart from him'' no! No! NO! someone shoot me please I laughed nervously

''I don't know what to say'' I replied, trying as hard as I could to hide the anger that was threatening to erupt from my throat

''you don't sound too pleased'' damn right I am not! I don't want you Thabo

''it came as a shock but.....'' I scanned around the poorly lit stair case trying to find the right words ''......I wouldn't mind seeing where this is going to take us'' I finally managed to say

''really, then let me tell you something, you are never going to think about that guy that you think you love so much 'cause right now he is toast!'' and when that guy appeared I, being cruel person I taught myself to be, kissed Thabo. Not long enough to call it a kiss but enough to annoy TJ and scar myself as well. what the hell are you doing Rea!!

Thabo eyed me with confusion the gave me a silly grin before saying ''wow girl, your lips are sweeter than honey''.

we get out of here?'' TJ told Dabs

''but you were still about to kiss me'' she complained

''do you want to leave or what?'' his voice grew impatient

''no'' hers was fierce and demanding

''fine, we'll see if the wall will kiss you back'' and he left

What was it about this guy? He dated Dabs but he never seemed to like her. He would not date me but seemed to have a very strong affection for me. I just knew that something was up but I could not point it.