PAIN is LOVE

It's always been you

''hi TJ'' Thabile said quickly the excitement in her voice so obvious

He nodded briefly then scanned me from head to toe then back again ''you look beautiful Rea'' and his voice was nothing short of honesty. for the first time I could hear emotion in it. he sounded relieved, he sounded happy and charmed.

"are you for real right now?" I could not believe my ears. I was genuinely angry! How dare he?!

He nodded. Approving my black skinny jeans and purple puma sneakers paired with a black hoodie. Who did he think he was, walking up to me and telling me I looked beautiful. After all that I've been through to get him to say that and he acted like I did not even exist in this world! He must be on drugs I concluded.

"are you feeling well?" I said in a panicked voice "did you smoke something?"

He was surprised by my reaction but the way his face quickly went back to normal showed me that he understood where I was coming from.How much I wanted to hear him say that and just to think that I dated a guy I did not even like just to get his attention, that I completely changed my profile just to hear him tell me how beautiful I was, only to find out that all along he liked me in jeans and hoodies!

"you might not believe me but I mean it. you look absolutely stunning. Like the first time I spoke to you the morning you were refusing my help" he was right! this was the outfit I was wearing that day

I had never seen TJ blush before, but the way he constantly smiled at me every time we made eye contact told me that this was what he looked like when he was blushing. I could swear that his chocolate skin was even turning red

''thank you TJ'' I replied both shy and embarrassed.

''I couldn't understand why you went on a fashion rampage in the first place'' he said nervously

''babe, what are you doing with her?'' Dabs asked in a disgusted voice throwing her arm over TJ's shoulder

''go away Dabs i'm busy'' he said in pure ignorance

''don't start with me TJ'' she said in a low but fierce tone. Like she was warning or threatening him about something

''go ahead Dabs. Do your worst.'' He replied to whatever they were arguing about

''you know what TJ, I don't want to come between you and Dabs so please keep me out of it.'' I said disappointed that Dabs was still in the picture but proud that I was letting go off TJ as well

''you don't get something Rea"  I couldn't let him finish, I couldn't allow myself to be hurt again

"you didn't have to date her behind my back. You could have just told me and I would have saved myself the energy to try and make you love me." he lowered his face. According to the many books I had read TJ was supposed to be taking my hands in his and giving me an apology that would melt my heart but he didn't. Instead he placed them in his pocket and looked at me, somehow hoping that if he looked long enough I would be able to read his mind. The resentment he had for Dabs was written all over his face

" I want you to understand something Rea, Dabs is the one who came between you and I."

"You really don't expect me to believe that, do you?"

"tell me of a time when I was never honest with you Rea. You've always been the different one, the one who caught my attention and when you changed you just became like the rest of them. You didn't stand out, in fact, you stooped too low." he his signature thoughtful face came into play. His eyes looking at the sky before falling back on my face "a guy always knows when a girl is really in love with him it's just that the girl always underestimates herself, she's always so insecure and goes out of her way to get a guy she had always had. Its kind of a turn off'' I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face why hadn't he said this earlier

''don't get all lovey dovey just yet cause this guy is toast'' Came Dabs voice

''a guy once said that and he did not succeed in making a delicious toast out of him so Dabs don't bet on it'' I said politely. I thought she had already left

''oh yeah, let's see what he'll have to say when I tell the whole school how his father left his mother because she couldn't help sleeping around'' I looked at TJ waiting for him to deny it but he just stood there and said nothing like he was appealing to Dabs to go on. I felt some type of way

"oh shut up Dabs" came Thabile's voice. Her confidence had grown from the time I first knew her. It's like my leaving her only made her stronger. I was proud of her

''Stay out of this Thabile! Go get yourself a boyfriend I want if you want to get involved. And you -" she said while pointing at me"didn't TJ tell you that his mother runs a pimp house or how his father is in prison for dealing drugs? '' I stood there, not knowing which emotion to pick from all the ones that were currently circulating in my stomach

"how beautiful! let's see, maybe he told you that he killed someone before because of his anger management issues years ago" She said proudly.  why is this girl so evil? I thought to myself ''if I don't have him Rea, no one will! Tell me Rea, how much do you love him now?"