Satan's Little Helper

V I - [ D A E M O N ]

"LUCIFER, my man! How's it going?"

I look up from the paper strewn all over my desk to see Beelzebub strolling in the room, a big grin on his face as usual. "Hey, Bub." I say, before returning my gaze to the stack of papers.

"Doing some paperwork?"

"Yep,"

"Man, that's some boring-ass shit." He shakes his head. "Tell you what, it's been a long time since we last did something together."

"A century," I say, picking up a feather and dipping it in blood, then signing the bottom of the paper I was reading.

"I wasn't finished, you fuck. You're always such an eager piece of shit, aren't you?"

"Yep,"

"Anyway, let's do something fun."

I raise an eyebrow as I look at him. "Like?"

"Sex?" He asks, a boyish grin on his face.

"No." I reply sternly.

"Come on! Since when have you ever turned down sex?"

"Since... I don't know, a decade ago?" I say as I recall the day Mara told me about Feia.

Bub is silent for a moment, and I can't seem to be able to read his expression. His eyes then widen as if in realization, and a wide grin etches its way onto his face.

"Alright, Lucifer. Spill."

I furrow my eyebrows together, confused, then gesture at the small container in front of me. "The blood?"

"You may be Hell's ruler, but I swear to the Devil that you are one of the dumbest demons I've ever known. And believe me, I know plenty."

"I am the Devil." I argue, before looking back down in an attempt to concentrate on my work once more.

"Whatever, man. Tell me what's good."

"Not much,"

"Bullshit."

"Sorry, we've only got Cerberus shit down here."

"Who's bugging you?"

"No one's bugging me," I shrug. "She's actually going to become pretty helpful."

"A-ha." He smirks knowingly. "So it's a girl."

"Fuck," I quietly curse, and mentally kick myself for being so careless with my words.

"And don't you even try to put your shitty Forgotten spell on me, you dick."

"Wouldn't cross my mind."

"I gave you an idea, didn't I?"

"Thanks, Bub."

"Don't." Beelzebub points at me accusingly. "Really, though. Tell me," He makes a chair appear in front of my table and sits down. "Is she hot?"

I groan. All he can ever think about is how hot someone is and their sex appeal. "Is that really your first question?"

"Fine, fine." He leans back on the chair and puts his legs up on the table. "Got racks?"

"Aren't there any normal questions in your pea-sized brain?"

"Damn, Lucifer. You're getting snappy." He laughs. "But alright, is she a succubus? Speaking of, I have got to tell you about my night with one of them―best fuck of my life, I swear." He winks suggestively at me.