Finding you

Chapter 13: Déjà vu

Hiccup's POV

"And for the sake of my daughter, I'm begging you, all of you, to pretend that nothing in these past few weeks ever happened. Thank you for your time." I sank back down into my chair as loud chatter filled the Great Hall once more. We had only been back for a few hours and as expected I couldn't keep my mind off Astrid, I couldn't stop thinking about how she had begged me to let her go, how she had begged me to move on. I felt my heart shatter all over again as I attempted to block out the obnoxiously loud villagers gathered in the Great Hall.

Suddenly, I felt something nudging my arm. I glanced over at Toothless, who was looking up at me with those big, grass green eyes as he probably wondered why we had left Astrid behind. I shook my head as I placed my head in my hands. Gods, I should've fought more for her, I should've refused to leave, I should've ripped Dagur to shreds right then and there, but I didn't. I didn't save her and I had left her to rot on Berserker island with that horrible man.

I thought back to my daughter, remembering how pale she had been when we had come to get them and how much worse she seemed to have gotten during the flight back home. I knew that if I lost my daughter as well as my wife, it was all over for me. I would have absolutely nothing left and I had a hard time believing I would be able to go on for much longer. Yet, I had still convinced the entire village to lie to my daughter, should she wake up. I had convinced them to lie about her never having what she had dreamed of for as long as she had been able to speak. Not only was I a horrible husband, I was a horrible father as well!

I stood from my seat and decided that it was time to go home and without so much as a goodbye, Toothless and I marched out out the Great Hall and down the stairs leading to our house.

Right as I opened the door, I was met by the sight of Gothi and Gobber, who were making their way down the stairs from my daughter's bedroom, their faces void of any emotion.

I stopped in the middle of the doorway, brows furrowed as I waited for them to finish their descent. "So?"

Gobber placed his good hand on my shoulder as he looked me straight in the eye. "She'll be fine, Hiccup, she just needs some rest, alright? She should be up and running again in a few days."

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as I let my shoulders sink. "Great, thank you, the both of you."

Gobber and Gothi both shot me small smiles before I stepped out of their way and let them pass. I watched as the duo left and by the time they were at the town square, I finally shut the door, leaving me and Toothless by ourselves, the house feeling unusually ... quiet as I sat down by the hearth and rested my forearms on my knees.

I gazed into the bright flames of the hearth as Toothless went to lie down in his corner. The flames cast a warm, orange light over the room, bathing the otherwise dark room in its heat and comfort. I could see her face so clearly. I could see Astrid so clearly, like she was standing right in front of me, her eyes pleading with me to leave her behind as tears welled in her eyes.

I took a deep breath as all my emotions both from what had happened earlier that day and from that fateful day fifteen years prior washed over me like a tidal wave, leaving me drowning in a never ending sea of sorrow and pain. I gasped for air, quickly realizing I couldn't get any as my eyes began burning painfully before hot, wet tears slowly started rolling down my cheeks, quickly picking up speed as the memory of my wife slowly but surely became unclear.

I could have saved her, I could've done more! Sobs quietly racked through my body as I finally managed to catch my breath. I had once again managed to lose my wife and this time there was no hope of saving her. This time, I had no plan.