Finding you

Chapter 19: I Am (Not) Fine

Hiccup's POV

"How are you feeling, honey?" I asked my wife as she gently traced circles around my chest with the tips of her fingers.

"I already told you, I'm fine, Hiccup." Astrid sighed as she snuggled up so close to me I could feel her heart beating through her chest, which just so happened to be telling me that she wasn't even half as 'fine' as she claimed to be.

I placed a hand over her rhythmically rising and falling chest as our eyes met. "I don't think your heart agrees."

Astrid's teeth sank into her bottom lip as those glittering, ocean blue eyes gazed up into mine, a sorrow much like the one I had carried for the years after her disappearance filling them. "How is it that after all these years apart, you still know me so well?"

I gently caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers as I gazed down at her. My gods, was she beautiful. "Some things never change, like the way you react to certain things or the way you get that one crease on your forehead that can tell me whether your angry or glad. Or it can be things like the way your heart beats faster when you're stressed and how you always so delicately and discreetly cling onto me whenever you are uncertain of something."

A smile danced across her lips as she spoke with a voice that was barely above a whisper. "I can't believe you still remember any of that."

I wove my fingers into those soft, silky, blonde strands of her hair, sighing contently. "I don't know if you remember, but we've been married longer than Zephyr has been alive, my dear."

"I can't believe it's been 17 years since then. I also can't believe how much I allowed myself to miss out on." Astrid's brows knitted together as she let her gaze fall from mine before she went back to tracing idle circles on my chest.

I untangled my fingers from Astrid's silky hair and brought them down to cup her rosy and delicate cheeks. Her gaze was far away from mine, but I forced her to meet my eyes as I spoke: "You did what you did to protect us, no matter how much I might despise that thought. Yes, you may have missed out on certain important things and events, but try to look on the brighter side of things; you are here now and you are lucky enough to still be able to be a part of our daughter's life. You are lucky enough that we can all still be a family."

Empty, glazed over eyes met mine as Astrid did not seem to be entirely present, which I assumed was because she was in deep thought. It took a minute or two, but eventually she cleared her throat and came with a reply: "You ... you have a point. I may not have been here for the first half of her life, but I'm sure as Hel going to be here for the rest. It's quite funny to think that I've already had this conversation once before, don't you think?"

I lifted a brow as I shot her a questioning look. "You have?"

Astrid nodded. "Yes, I think I was attempting to justify my reasons for not being there for fifteen years."

"How did she take it?" I asked Astrid, immediately understanding that she was referring to Zephyr as I arched a brow and wondered how the two of them had neglected to fill me in on of any of this.

Astrid shrugged as her fingers traced their way up to my jaw, which sent shivers down my spine as I had to grit my teeth not to make a ... disturbing sound. Both out of respect for Toothless — who had temporarily relocated to the main room of the house — and out of respect for our daughter who was sleeping soundly in her bed upstairs. "She took it all surprisingly well, I was certainly expecting more screaming and scolding from her part."

"Well, it's never been in her nature." I shrugged as I attempted to keep my focus off Astrid's wandering hands. "We ... we never got to talk about what happened. With Dagur."

Astrid froze, her hand hovering over my abdomen before she rapidly pulled it away along with the rest of herself. She was like a cute little snail, who had a bad habit of retreating into their shell whenever they felt uncomfortable. Astrid scooted away from me as much as the double bed would allow before she wrapped her arms around her legs and brought them protectively up to her chest.

I ran a hand through my hair as I let out a sigh."I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, I just wanted —"

"He moved me. Not too long after the three of you left Dagur got immensely paranoid and moved me to his lower dungeons, which made the upper dungeons seem like a luxury inn. It didn't just smell disgusting, it was also ancient, damp and not a good environment to spend what I assumed would be my 'golden years'. I hadn't spent more than a day or two in my new cell when two guards appeared and dragged me upstairs to join their Chief for dinner. Dagur asked me to marry him to which I blatantly refused until he threatened to harm the two of you, which is when I finally gave in." Astrid's hands were shaking as her knuckles grew white from the immense force she held her legs together with as she dug her nails deep into her shins. "I was certain that was the end for me, the end of my life as a whole. I was still struggling with accepting that I would never see the two of you again, but I realized I had no other choice than to let the both of you go, not only for my sake but for yours as well. I couldn't believe my eyes when the two of you came to my rescue, I was certain I was in the middle of some cruel dream and that I would soon wake up in my gods-awful cell or even worse ... in the arms of that horrible man."

I gently wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close to me in the hopes that it would help her differ between dream and reality and that she would know that she was finally safe and Dagur would never hurt her again. "He's gone, Astrid, for good. We never have to worry about him again, alright? All that remains for us now is just to remain happy."

Astrid nodded in agreement as she wrapped her arms around my neck and brought me closer to her. "You're right, for once."

A snort escaped me as I rolled my eyes. "Way to ruin the moment, babe."

Astrid grinned, a real, genuine grin which made my heart leap with joy just at the sight of it. "I don't want to talk about any more tragedies or suffer through anymore sorrow for the rest of our lives. From now on, sorrow is no longer on our agenda, we make our own path and our own happiness."

I pressed a kiss to each of her cheeks before I found myself gazing lovingly down at my wife, something which I certainly did not mind. "I couldn't have said it any better myself."

With another kiss, we once again found ourselves melting into one, all thoughts of the world around us thrown out the window as our worries of waking the rest of the village during our second 'reunion' of that evening vanished along with them. Astrid had been right when she had said that it was time that we made our own happiness and sometimes, to create happiness of your own you have to stop caring about what the people around you think. With that strangely poetic and sensical thought swiveling around my mind, I made sure not to hold back in any way as my wife and I fused together like two white-hot pieces of metal, the immense heat radiating off of the both of us as we became one and long after that as well.