I wasn't interested. Didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to justify what I was doing - what I was about to do. Ultimately, my leaving would give me a better chance to save Tyler from the outside, but I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking of the Family's blind rage when they realised I was gone, of how the first person they'd turn to to let out their anger would be Tyler.
Lying next to him that night after talking to Connor - unable to even warn him, to tell him that I wasn't betraying him, that I would always, always come back for him - was the hardest thing I had ever done. A hundred times I went to tap Tyler's arm, to kiss him and explain everything that would happen, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch his ribcage rise and fall with every breath, and pray there would be someone for me to come back to at all.
Far too soon, light cracked and spilled through the tiny, dirty window. I stood up immediately, not trusting myself to stay any longer, and stared at Tyler's sleeping form for just a little longer. Memorizing the unconscious curl of his fingers, the single lock of hair that fell over his face. He was an angel in the middle of a hell I'd dragged him into.
I leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I promise it will be okay," I whispered, and as my insides started to burn and twist and blacken with flames, I turned away from him and left the room.
I was a terrible person. I was the worst, most selfish, more horrible person alive. I was leaving him here; I was coming back, but no amount of lame promises would excuse my actions.
Down the corridor, I caught Connor's eye as he left his room. He looked so cold and determined, in full Family mode, that I had to look away - because I knew I looked exactly the same. Because I knew that even if on the inside I was falling apart with guilt and love for Tyler, on the outside you wouldn't have even thought I was human.
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The Good Life ~ Troyler AU
Fanfiction"You've never changed, have you? No matter how much you've tried to outrun it. You'll always end up here, and you'll always end up a monster, Troye Sivan."
