Between keeping up with therapy and beginning my parenting classes, I was feeling more at ease about becoming a mom. As I transitioned from nervous to excited, I accepted that I would not be a perfect mother but I would be perfect for my daughter. I would need to make mistakes, so that I could learn from them.
Parenting class was now one of my favorite places to be. The other new mothers and I had struck up a friendship, bonding over our parenting inexperience and child rearing insecurities. It was comforting to know I was not the only person in the room who had never held or fed a child before. I was in good company and had no need to feel embarrassed.
I had learned a lot in the past 2 weeks, and had so much more to learn. Each parenting class was just another step closer to developing my mothering skills. I may be scared to hold my fragile newborn, afraid of hurting her, but at least I had the training to do it properly.
As I delved into parenting classes, I continued to visit Dr. Roth weekly. Each session she challenged me to be a better person, and always put her faith in my ability to succeed. At the end of each week, she continued giving me an assignment to accomplish before our next session.
This week's homework was aimed at finishing the nursery, bringing myself to prepare for the inevitable. Jellybean was coming and she was coming quick. In less than 4 months, she would be here and I had yet to pick a color for the nursery. Though that was more of my inability to make a decision, than it was to accept I was having a child.
"Yep we're going to need one of these," Miles said, tossing another pink stuffed animal into our shopping cart at the local Babies "R" US.
Although Jai wanted to help with the daunting task of choosing items for our baby registry his schedule didn't permit him too much time off. It was nearly impossible for him to be here at the moment, though I kept him updated with frequent sonogram pictures.
"Stop," I said, grabbing the pink lump from the carriage. "We are not here for stuffed animals. We are here to pick out furniture and the essentials."
He took back the animal, that I now recognized as an elephant, and tossed it into the cart again. "Pink elephant is essential. Her first stuffed animal from her favorite uncle."
"How do you know you'll be her favorite uncle?" I crossed my arms, wandering over to the first aisle.
"Because little kids love me." He shrugged with the cocky attitude he thought was funny, but mostly made him sound like a douche.
Rolling my eyes at him, I proceeded to move through the furniture set ups. Each piece seemed bigger than the next, and I tried to imagine how a crib and a changing table were supposed to fit in the tiny room I'd set aside for Jellybean.
If space wasn't an issue there was absolutely no limit on choices. The sets seemed to come in every color wood and size you could imagine, and I wished I had chosen a room color to get an idea in my head of what I wanted. Somehow the classic, overdone pink didn't seem good enough for my baby's room.
Miles stood behind me, watching me mull over the price tag on two different sets. "Don't hit me, I'm only the messenger. But I'm under strict instructions to tell you to choose what you really love and not worry about the price."
"I'm not worried about the price of the furniture." Which was true, I wanted the sturdier, safer choice for Jellybean rather than the cheapest. "I don't mind putting more money into that because she's going to use it for quite a few years. I'm just trying to figure out which one I'd like better."
He stood back assessing the merchandise intently. "Go with the grey. It looks more girly, yet not too girly that Jai's going to look awkward sitting in the room."
YOU ARE READING
Our Greatest Adventure
Fanfiction"It seemed almost serendipitous I would become pregnant with our child on one of our last good days. We'd been weathering the storm of a long distance relationship, and just keeping our heads above water then." Riddled with anxieties and tormented...
