My Heart Is Open

Time

*Lacey's pov

"Adam?" I asked sitting up barely awake. I looked at the clock, it was past midnight. "Oh sorry Lace, I didn't mean to make you" he said softly putting down what was in his hand and moving making the light from his flashlight blinding me. "What are you doing?" I asked yawning. "Why not turn on the lamp?" "I didn't want to wake Briar Rose" he shrugged. I sat up and felt a pull in my stomach reminding me of my stitches which should be removed soon. Adam's hands fell to my back and hand supporting me as I sat up. "I'm designing" he said softly. "Anything good?" I asked taking a deep breath as I pushed myself back to lean against the head board.

He handed me his sketch pad and I flipped through it slowly admiring the details he put in each piece. "I love this" I said pointing to a light pink dress with lace on top and an all lace back. "Thanks" he grinned kissing me. I leaned against him yawning some, "Addy, why are you up?" I asked. "My sleep schedule is a little backwards. I sleep a little then I'm up most of the time and doze off just after sunrise then I'm up again. Doctors and their crazy routines" he grumbled shaking his head. "I'm sorry baby" I said cupping his cheek. "Don't be, I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to heal so we can be a happy family, and forget all of this" he said running his hands through my hair. A tear rolled down my cheek stopping at his hand. "Oh no no no..." He said pulling me in close, "don't do that" he begged. "I can't help it" I cried.

Everything felt different, like this wasn't the life I had come to know over the past 11 months. I cried softly until I fell back to sleep. I woke up alone in bed hours later. I looked at the clock sitting up with a struggle, 8:30. I got out of bed and went downstairs. I checked the living room first, it was dark, curtains drawn only a small crack of light peaking through. I followed my nose then to the kitchen, where fresh coffee was brewed. I leaned in the doorway watching the man I love with our daughter. She laid on his thighs as he went on and on about something I couldn't hear well. I walked over and rested my hands on his shoulders, "hey" I said kissing his neck. "Hey" he grinned looking up at me then at Briar Rose propped up on his legs. "How's it feel?" I asked. He looked back at me, "how does what feel?" He asked. "How does being a dad feel?" I asked. "It feels..." He paused taking my hand and Briar Rose's hand, "it feels better than I imagined." I smiled and sat on the window seat mimicking his pose, back against the wall knees pulled up, "Adam" I said softly, playing with the hem of my shirt. I felt his eyes on me before he spoke. "What is it Lace?" He asked.

I sighed, "this all feels so..." I sighed again avoiding his gaze. "I know it's different, it will get easier, once we get into a routine" he assured me swinging his legs around and scooting toward me. "Yea I guess" I said. "How about a walk?" He asked. "We can stick her in the carriage and go." I nodded, "a short one," I said. He smiled and kissed me. We went upstairs and I changed Briar Rose and put on a onesie and a pair of sweatpants. She giggled softly as I tickled her belly. I laid her in the bassinet while I changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank. I stopped staring at my belly in the mirror. I was puffy and had a significantly large cut across my stomach. I frowned, as if I wasn't self conscious enough. Adam wrapped his arms around me just below my puffy stomach. "Stop" he said. "Stop what?" I asked. "Hating yourself. You are beautiful like this. This scar shows the fight to bring this gorgeous life into the world, and the fight you endured to come back to me. This is beautiful" he said spinning me around and kissing my belly lightly. I blushed, "and that is breathtaking" he said getting up, caressing my cheek, and kissing me deeply.

I smiled kissing him back hard with longing. "I love you" I said my hand on his cheek. I let my shirt fall and hugged him wrapping my arms around him. We pulled back after a minute and he stared at me, "come on" he smiled holding my hand. I picked up Briar Rose and carried her down stairs to her carriage. We walked down the street, people staring and trying to catch a glimpse. Adam wrapped his arm around me holding me close, and people stared even more through cameras and phones. I sighed, it will only get worse, I thought, before it gets better. We walked into Starbucks and the women around us grew quiet watching. We placed our orders and sat on the couches near the back. "This is nice" I smiled. "Just me and my girls" he grinned. He picked up Briar Rose cradling her gently and securely. I grabbed our orders when they were ready and we sipped our coffees, talking about our future.