I find it hard to stay with the words you say (I don't love you sequel)

Chapter 10: Another knife in my hands.

*Trigger warning*

Franks P.O.V:

"They've been a while...maybe I should check on them. I mean, now that I know what that Harriett girl is like..."

"Y-yeah...um, I'll just wait here...she- scares me." 

I let out a bellowing laughter as he whispers that last part to me, cupping his mouth with his hands and looking around frantically to make sure no-one heard that he was intimidated by a girl.

"She...scares you? C'mon Mikey." I snigger and he looks at me disapprovingly.

"Well, she's too- I don't know, pushy? She tried to get me into bed. After she'd been in bed with my brother."

"She's one of those is she?" I snigger again. "Well I'll go see what she's doing with my Geebear." 

He grimances at the nickname. Mikey has really never been one for the cheesy romantics such as us.

I approach the front door and open it slowly...huh, no-one there. Maybe they're in the front room? I plod on over to the front room door and open it, this time getting impatient and just swinging it open. I just wanted to go home with my Geebear.

I peek my head around the door. "Gerard, you in h-."

I hear him gasp. I look at him, as his eyes swell and before I knew it he was sobbing and spluttering, hugging my legs tight.

I'd just walked in on this Harriett girl, touching my Gerard where only I can touch. She wasn't going to get away with this.

"Frank!" He cries, his breathing jittery. "I can- I can explain!" He was shaking, I could feel him physically shaking. My heart broke.

I shush him gently, stroking my hand through his beautiful hair. "Gee- don't bother. I already know what's going on."

He looks up at me, questioningly, his cheeks stained with tears and his eyes red and puffy. I guess I should tell him I know he slept with her. "Harriett, I think you should go." I half whisper. Hell, I was ready to punch her if she didn't do what I said, but I had to stay calm so I didn't scare Gerard. He was in such a fragile state right now.

"Why shou-"

'GET OUT. NOW. YOU SKANKY LITTLE BITCH. YOU'RE TACKY AND I HATE YOU. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY GEE. HE'S IN BITS. GET THE FUCK OUT AND GO FUCK ONE OF YOUR NEXT LINED UP VICTIMS.' Is what I so desperately wanted to say. "Leave. Now." I order sternly.

She leaves without another word. I chuckle to myself. Then I remember I'm sat on the floor cradling my baby Gee in my arms. He fits so perfectly into my arms. I just sat for a while cradling him until his breathing was at a steady pace and he was settled. 

I thought maybe he had gone to sleep. 10 minutes had gone by and I was stroking his hair and the side of his face with my thumb. His eyes were closed.  He sighed and sat up a little bit to look at me. I closed my eyes and kissed his forehead, taking in his every scent. Eventually, I got up the courage to talk.

"Gerard...what happened?" I whisper in his ear.

"Frank, I- I don't know. I was-talking to her about.." He trailed off.

"-about what Gerard?"

"Okay, don't hate me, but I uh- before I saw you at the party...earlier that day...well morning actually-"

"Gerard, I know you slept with her."

He looked at me, eyes wide with shock. Wait no, confusion maybe..? I couldn't figure it out until he flung his arms around my neck and sobbed, very loudly, I might add, into my ear and neck. Regret. He was regretting every detail of it. I felt for him, I really did.

I rocked him backwards and forwards in my lap and stroked his hair once again, shushing him softly and playing with the trands of hair at the back of his neck. Before I knew it I was crying too. I cried softly into his shoulder and he looked up, confused again. He did that little thing where he tilted his head to the side questioningly and raised the eyebrows above his soft, puffy red eyes. My insides melted and I explained.

"I just don't like seeing you this way. I love you Gerard. That- what you did with...her doesn't even matter. She's in the past. I guess you took the-" I gulped before I could allow myself to say it- "break up a little harsher than me, eh?" 

He chuckled softly, then sniffled a tad, nodding his head viciously. "I love you too Frank...but, how did you know I slept with her?"

"Well, when I was talking to Mikey when you were in here, he warned me that she was 'pushy' and she tried to get him into bed...he also added about when she got you into bed...

"I-oh yeah. I told Mikey about that didn't I...It's just I was shocked that the nice- seemingly innocent girl from Starbucks turned out to be a- well there is no word for her. I kinda told him about it at yours...on the phone. I just had to tell somebody. I felt so dirty...so guilty." He smiled up at me and I pulled him into a short and simple kiss, my hand cupped his face and he smiled even during the kiss.

**

 Gerard's P.O.V

At home, even though I thought me and Frank were alright, I felt as though something was wrong. Just the slightest thing. I thought- and I know this sounds stupid. I thought that I knew what Frank was thinking. That he was okay on the outside, he showed that he was okay. But on the inside I knew he was screaming. Screaming for help. I knew he had the picture of me and Harriett in his head.

I knew what he was screaming. Inside he was screaming so loud I could hear it on the outside.

"I'M NOT OKAY." Crap, I shoot back into reality and I realise I haven't taken my anti depressants for 2 days now. Well- I guess that's where all of these thoughts were coming from. They were filling my head. There was no escape. I climb out of bed and leave Frank sleeping all alone, and walk into the bathroom to stare at my reflection.

I hated seeing my face. I was sick of seeing my face. But I was allowed to be sick of my face because it's my fucking face. I felt my depression creeping up on me. It felt like I was completely surrounded by darkness. That darkness was full of things I despise. Including me. I stare at myself.

I stand for a second too long- before I knew it, there was a loud smash and my fist was throbbing. I felt a thick liquid fall through my fingers and onto the floor. I look up again. In my place was no longer me- but a broken me. "That's more like it.." I mumble to myself. 

Then I realise. I didn't punch myself, I punched the mirror. There was glass covering everywhere, never mind my blood. My hand went through the glass cabinet and it had sliced my whole arm open. Well, it's a start. I pick up the knife from inside the cabinet- under the shelf where I'd hidden it. I hold it to my skin. I hadn't even touched a knife or blade since I got Frank back. Since my life was perfect. But now my dirty little secrets out. And Frank... Well, he hates me. He doesn't show it. He shows forgiveness. But he also shows a hatred burning deep in his eyes when he looks at me. He was thinking of me with her.

"Save me from my self destruction, Frank." I mumble to myself.

The door swings open.