We Aren't Nerds! {{PETEKEY}}

{{10}}

Mikey didn't know when he'd fallen asleep, and he didn't know when Gerard had brought in his plate of toast, which was now stone cold and sitting on his desk. He got out of bed and checked his phone, surprised that it was already 10:30am. Mikey was suddenly thankful that the day before had been a Friday, and he wasn't incredibly late for school. He got dressed and went downstairs, wondering if Gerard was already up.

The last person Mikey expected to see sitting on his sofa, talking to Gerard and eating a bowl of cereal, was Pete.

"Good... Morning...?" Mikey said, hesitating with confusion, "What's going on here?"
"Pete just turned up here about half an hour ago," Gerard said, also sounding confused, "so, that's not a bad question, what is going on here?"
"I got worried because I texted Michael to ask him if he was alright because he hung up on me kind of suddenly," Pete explained, "and I never got an answer. It never occurred to me that you could have been asleep, if I'm honest."

Mikey laughed, still very confused. He didn't think not being texted back would bother Pete so much that he would literally come to check on him. He couldn't help but feel special, but then he thought back to what Pete had said when he was on the phone. Mikey wasn't over that, he was divided on whether it was a good or bad thing.

"I didn't know I was asleep, don't worry," Mikey smiled, "you weren't too worried were you?"
"I was more worried than I'd like to admit," Pete laughed, "but only because I know you're fine. If you weren't okay, the whole world would know about how worried I was."
"I'll leave you guys to have your heart-to-heart, or whatever it is," Gerard said, getting up, "I'm only upstairs if you need me."

Pete and Mikey both sarcastically waved to Gerard as he left the room. Then they both turned their attention to each other, thinking of what to say. Pete wasn't sure how to explain himself anymore, and Mikey was just as confused about why he was there. Both boys were sitting on opposite couches, thinking about what to say.

"I had to ask Gerard where you lived," Pete said, breaking the silence, albeit awkwardly, "that wasn't the most fun I've ever had, not going to lie."
"What did he say?" Mikey asked, "He wasn't rude, was he?"
"No, no... He just wanted to know why I wanted to know. Once I told him I was worried about you he told me straight away."
"Why were you worried, though? I'm not that important to you, or anyone actually--"
"Don't put yourself down like that, okay? You're important to me, and lots of other people, believe me. I was worried because we'd just been on the phone talking about ten minutes before and then you didn't text back."
"You're literally in my house, that's some worrying."
"I thought you'd died or something, honestly, I was freaking out. It didn't even go through my head that maybe your phone had died, or you'd fallen asleep."

Mikey felt awful for making Pete worried, even though it hadn't been intentional. He'd never try to make Pete worry. He couldn't help but wonder why Pete had instantly assumed something bad had happened to him. Mikey tried not to think about it, but he couldn't help thinking it had some kind of meaning.

"But why," Mikey asked, "that's so unlikely."
"Sometimes people do bad things when they're upset..." Pete said, "You didn't seem happy to begin with, then you suddenly hung up and I didn't know what had happened to you."
"I was shocked, and then I fell asleep, I was tired and I was already in bed. I didn't mean to worry you."
"I didn't think for a second that you did, but... You did."

Pete looked Mikey sadly, he was hating every second of this conversation. He desperately wanted to be completely open about how he was feeling, but he didn't think it was appropriate.

Mikey looked back at Pete, not sadly, but interestedly. He wondered what was going on in the other boy's head, and what he was thinking about that was making him look so sad. He had to say something, anything but he couldn't. He knew he had to wait for Pete to pick up the conversation again, and carry it on by himself.

Pete could tell Mikey was waiting for him to say something, but he didn't know what he wanted to say. He knew he should say something that the other boy would actually want to hear, but he wasn't sure what that would be.

For a second, Mikey felt a sudden surge of confidence. It inspired him to be open, and say something to Pete. However, he stopped himself, and returned to his state of waiting for Pete. It was painful, but necessary.

"I'm so sorry," Pete said, once again breaking the prolonged silence.
"For what?" Mikey asked, "You haven't done anything wrong, at least, not that I know of, anyway."
"When you ran off last night... I wanted to run after you, and apologise right there, but Patrick told me not to. He... He said you weren't worth it, and that you seemed nice enough but I shouldn't get so upset about you. I started crying then, and I yelled at him, too. He just stood there, looking betrayed, and I felt awful so I ran away from him."
"Pete, I... It's my fault, I'm sorry."
"No, no, no! Please, please don't blame yourself for my stupid outbursts. I can't help it, and it's definitely not your fault."
"You yelled at someone for me...?"

Pete hadn't thought about that. He really had yelled at Patrick, and it was just because he'd said something about Mikey. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that, but he was more worried about how Mikey would feel about that. Pete was now certain that Mikey did like him, but he could tell that Mikey was deserving of someone so much better than him. It wasn't that he had low self-esteem, he just knew he wasn't the right person for Mikey. Someone as nice and easy to talk to as him deserved more than an angry, overly worried loser like him.

"I guess I did," Pete said, "what does that mean?"
"Pete," Mikey sighed, "don't. I like you a lot, and I don't think that's going to go away for a while. Please don't say things like that."
"I don't... What did I say? Why?"
"Don't let me believe I have a chance, okay? I know I don't, you made that pretty clear, and I'm okay with that but--"
"Michael, I promise you, if anyone had a 'chance' it would be you."

Mikey hated the words Pete had just spoken more than anything he'd ever heard before. He didn't know what that meant, and it hurt him more than anything that had been said to him for a long time.

"What does that mean?!" Mikey yelled, "Do I have a chance or not?! Do you even like me, Pete, because I assure you this isn't just a game to me! I like you a lot!"

Pete looked away, trying to hide the obvious tears in his eyes. He didn't like being yelled at, even though he yelled at a lot of people himself. He already knew everything Mikey had just said to him, but he wasn't sure how to answer.

"I... I..." Pete said, his voice cracking as he tried his best to stop himself from crying, "I don't know if I like you or not, okay?! I know it's not a game to you, it's not just a game to me either, Michael!"

Mikey suddenly realised that he'd made Pete cry, and felt like an idiot. He hadn't meant for that to happen at all.

"Pete, I... I'm so sorry!" Mikey exclaimed, "I didn't mean to make you cry, I just--"
"I'm not crying," Pete lied, "but of course you didn't mean to make me cry."

Mikey could tell Pete was lying because he could see his face was slightly tear-stained, and his eyes were obviously wet with tears. He still felt terrible even though Pete had made it obvious he was fine.

"Look," Pete said, wiping his eyes, "no more tears, okay? Just normal, adult conversation. I don't know if I like you or not because every time I see you I feel fluttery, but it makes me feel sick and I don't know what it means."
"I don't know what that means either," Mikey admitted, "I don't like not knowing things... We'll work it out, right?"
"I'd like to think so, and I really hope so for both of our sakes."

Mikey nodded, already thinking about what Pete could be feeling. He felt strange around Pete, but never sick.

"Maybe you like me, but you don't want to like me," Mikey suggested, "and your head is trying to get you to leave me alone, but you're not listening to it."
Pete nodded, "That would... That would make a lot of sense, I guess..."
"So, uh, do you? Like me, I mean?"
"I told you, I'm not sure. I want to, I hate seeing you upset because I don't like you, but I don't know if I really do."
"That's confusing... But, okay, I mean, that's something, right?"

Pete nodded again, but he couldn't be sure if it was.