Under her sleeves

Chapter 10//She could leave, but...

I wake up and roll over on the small mattress. I don't know how long I've been in here. A week, maybe more than that. Information like how long I've been in here doesn't matter to me anymore. All I care about is Shawn's safety and happiness. 

A volunteer opens the creaky door to take me to breakfast. We're forced to eat here.  I haven't been able to keep my breakfast down.  Or anything down for that matter. I barely ate when I was at home, and the boys tried to get me to eat when I was living with them. 

I reluctantly get up and follow her out the door and down the corridor. A clock on the wall says that it is 8:25 A.M. We walk through the cafeteria line, and I fill my bowl half full of Cocoa Pebbles. I may not want to eat, or want to be here, but you can never go wrong with a little Cocoa Pebbles. 

Because I'm in a hospital, and am in suicide watch, there are no forks or knives. Which means cereal for breakfast, sandwiches and/or soup for lunch, and whatever weird concoction they can come up with for dinner so that we don't have to eat sandwiches and soup again. It kind of sucks, but the chicken noodle soup isn't that bad.

Everyday is the same. Go to breakfast around 8:30, free time until 11 when I go to a therapy session with Dr. Grey. At 12 I have lunch, and then go outside at 1. At 2:30 I come back inside and hang out in the commons, trying to not make eye contact with anyone. At 5 is dinner, and then back to the commons until 7. Everyday from 8:30 to 7 is another day that I tread through, and it sucks.

Shawn has visited once. The other boys couldn't come. Because my mom is an alcoholic she doesn't care about me. When they asked her if she wanted to come she said, "No, send her stupid boyfriend to visit her I don't care whether she's dead or not".  Wonderful mother, isn't she?

"Ella?"

I turn around and see Dr. Grey looking at me from the doorway of his office. I look up at the clock to see that it is 11:05. I had been daydreaming that long? And how did I end up in the hallway?

Following him into his office, I see Shawn sitting in one of the small hardback chairs that rest in front of Dr. Grey's office. I slowly sit in the other chair and uneasily look at Shawn. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. His hair is a mess, like he's been running his hands through it constantly, and dark circles cover the space under his eyes. 

This is because of me.

No. Stop it. Don't put yourself down. Although it is because of you, he's just worried. He loves you, remember?

"Okay, so Shawn, I would like to discuss some things with you about Ella."

Oh. my. God. Please tell me I can get out of here, that I've gotten better. 

"She...is progressing, but quite slowly. She could leave, but..." Dr. Grey trails off. "It will be a while until she is better. She won't be able to go back to being happy all of the time, just hopefully most of the time."

"What does that mean?" Shawn asks, raising an eyebrow.

"It means...that Ella can go home. But, she will have to come here for an hour or so everyday for a therapy session with me, and so that we can check how she is progressing."

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Oh my god, I'm going home. Someone knocks on my door, and peeks their head in. It's the volunteer who has been coming to my room every morning and has lead me around, keeping an eye on me. 

"I heard you're going home."

I nod my head.

"I know we didn't talk much, but I'm happy for you. And I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I know you don't realize this, but you are very special. And extremely intelligent. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you are okay with it, I would like to walk with you to Dr. Grey's office one last time."

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I bounce up and down in the passenger seat of Shawn's car. I'm bubbling over with excitement. Shawn didn't tell the boys that I'm coming home after 2 months of them not seeing me. That's crazy to think about. I was gone for 2 months. 

We pull up to the huge mansion that the boys live in and they all run out. I watch them grin and sprint to the car. Matt yanks open the car door and pulls me out of the car into a bear hug. 

"I missed you guys so much," I whisper as my best friends surround me in a group hug.

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I am so happy this chapter is done. I've been writing it for 2 weeks, and I promised you guys it would be out soon, and I am so sorry it is just being published now. I am currently writing 3 stories so please don't hurt me if it takes a few weeks for a new chapter to be published. I'll rotate updates between UHS, Daylight, and Nightmare (in that order). 

On a completely different note, If I Could Fly by One Direction is beautiful