A Lovely Betrayal

Chapter Twenty Five

Three weeks seems like an eternity when someone you love is laying in a hospital bed, it feels like you're never going to hear their voice again or see them smile or laugh at them when they tell a stupid joke.  Going home and leaving Louis there all alone was the hardest thing we've ever done, the security from the psych ward came and took Harry away again, locking him up in solitary confinement for the first week he was back. Watching them carry him away was heartbreaking, he kept screaming for Louis, sobbing his name over and over fighting against them until they had to sedate him. Even under sedation his tears of anguish flowed mercilessly down his sleeping face. He tries to call me everyday and see if there's any news on Louis, he prays every day that when he calls I'll be able to tell him that Louis has woken up and that he's waiting for him to come to the hospital as fast as he can,but it still hasn't happened, it may never happen and that's the worst feeling in the world, not knowing, not knowing whether he's going to wake up or, I couldn't bear to even give the other option any thought, it terrified me. We couldn't lose him, we'd fall apart at the seams without him. I hate seeing Harry this way all he ever does is cry now and nothing I say, nothing anyone says can console him, he just withdraws deeper into himself, he lays in bed staring at the ceiling listening to Louis singing torturing himself, telling himself that everything that has happened is his fault. I sigh as I flip the light off in Olivia's room leaning against the wall closing my eyes tightly. When would this nightmare ever be over. I'm so tired of people I love being hurt over and over again, I'm so ready for everyone to be okay again. If that was even possible after all the shit we had been through recently. How any of us could ever be okay again was beyond me, but I knew we would have to get there whether we liked it or not. Louis would need us to be okay, and so will Harry. Those two are the only ones who have any right at all to not be okay ever again. I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers and take a deep breath before heading down the hall to my room to take a shower. I hum quietly to myself as I walk through my room.
"Tate?" My heart flutters and leaps in response to his voice just like it had done since the first day I ever met him. I turn towards Ashton and he gives me a weak smile. He opens his arms and I launch myself into them sighing contently. I was at home in his arms, we fit together like we were molded perfectly to fit in the others arms. "Everyone's here. They want to know what the big deal is."
"We need something happy Ash. A light in the dark, something to show us all that love is still here even though we're drowning in sadness." I say softly. "Let me shower and I'll be right down."
He nods and disappears as I strip off my clothes and stand under the hot water. After washing my hair I stood there until the water turned to ice and I got out staring at my shivering naked body in the mirror. What did I do to deserve to be here, why am I here when Louis whose done nothing to hurt anyone lies in a hospital bed hooked up to machines fighting for his life. He didn't deserve this. He deserved everything the world had to offer him, not this. I sigh as I rip open the drawer and stare at the razor blade lying in the bottom of the drawer mocking me. I slam it shut in frustration, I wanted to so badly, but I'd hate myself afterwards. I take deep breaths scratching at my wrists as I walked naked into my bedroom. I get dressed quickly and head downstairs. I slip into the kitchen and grab the binder I'd been working in for the past week and move towards the silent living room. They're all crowded together on couches in sad little groups surrounded by a quiet so loud it threatened to rip away the last remorse I had holding me away from that blade hiding in my bathroom drawer. We were waiting for a miracle, one that wouldn't happen. Louis was laying in a hospital bed fir the third week in a row and Harry was locked up in a psych ward. My chest burned with anger watching them feeling so sorry for themselves and my hands clenched the notebook so hard my knuckles turned white.
"Get up. All of you. Louis wouldn't want us moping around like this. We all need something happy. Something to remind us we can be happy again. We've all been through too much shit these past few months. Niall, Ashley how  would you guys feel about getting married tomorrow night?"
They stare at me in shock for a moment before Ashley smiles.
"Yes." She looks at Niall who grins and nods.
"Good because I already have everything planned. Lou is coming to do makeup tomorrow at 3 for the girls. Boys are going to Liam's soon for bachelor party things girls will be here with me and my adorable children doing bachelorette party things. But first we have fittings. Girls are in here boys are out in the sun room. Go. Shoo." The seamstress shows up five minutes later with dresses and the tailor follows hot on her heels with tuxedos, each had three assistants who ran around like loons while their boss shouted orders. Ashley moves towards me with a teary eyed smile on her face.
"Tatum, thank you so much, who is officiating? Where is it going to be? Whose invited?"
" everything is taken care of don't you worry. The girls look fantastic in that orchid."
She smiled as she watched the girls get fitted in their dresses.
"Where's your dress?"
"Over there it's the grey color."
"Why is yours different?" She asks cautiously crossing her arms.
"The officiant can't wear the same color as the bridesmaids now can she. I got the certification online last week.I wanted it to be special and I know how much you love greys anatomy so I've included some references in the vows."
"Oh I love you so much." She's says hugging me tightly.
"Now time for the bride come here darling" she releases me and walks to the seamstress who pulls out the gown that Ashley had been drooling over since she and Niall started dating. The lace bodice flowed to a chiffon skirt that flowed down from her ribs to the floor, the smile that lit up Ashley's face was beautiful, it made my heart flutter. She looked up at me and I smiled gently. 'Thank you' she mouthed and I nodded softly. A knock on the door made my smile grow, he was here. I ran to the door flinging it open Harry's green eyes made my heart ache as he smiled at me. The guard tipped his hat to me before letting go of Harry's arm.
"ma'am he needs to be back by 9 tomorrow night."
"He will be, thank you so much." I closed the door behind us before hugging him.
"How'd you do it Tate? How'd you get them to let me out?"
" I have friends in high places." I say with a wink and he laughs. "The boys are in the sunroom, go on." He kisses my cheek and disappears down the hall. The next day flew by in a blur and before I knew it I was watching my one of my best friends walk down the aisle. Her smile was radiant as she clung to her fathers arm the twinkling lights strung around the trees in my back yard casting a heavenly glow on her skin. When she reaches us she kisses her fathers cheek and takes nialls hand before facing me.
"Today marks the beginning of something beautiful. A life shared by two people that is so full of love and mushy gushy moments that annoy the rest of us." They laugh smiling at each other. "I believe you guys have some vows to exchange with each other. Ashley?"
"I am so in love with you. You're in me. You're like — it's like you're a disease. It's like I am infected by Niall Horan and I just can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat. And I love you. I love you all the time. Every minute of every day. I love you. Let me tell you, it scared the hell out of me. Because the minute you see all the things you have, you see all the things you stand to lose.I love you and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it."
"Niall?"
" Today's the day my life begins. All my life I've been just me. Just a goofy kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Ashley Clifford, our life together begins. And I for one can't wait. We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady... standing... still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected... is what changes our lives. You've changed my life, you come out of nowhere and made me fall in love with you."
"Now I know you have promises each of you  would like to make each other as you exchange rings." I smile brightly and the join hands.
"I promise to love you even when I hate you." Ashley says smiling as she slips nialls ring on his finger.
"I promise to never run when things get hard." Niall says sliding her ring on.
"And we will take care of each other when we are old, senile, and smelly." She says giggling while the audience laughs. They look at each other for a moment before saying the last promise together.
"This is forever."
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need. Niall you may kiss your bride." The crowd cheers as the kiss and Niall picks Ashley up spinning her around.
I smile watching them as they walk out together I hurry after them hugging them both whispering that I had to get Harry back. I told Ashton I was going to take Olivia with me and took Harry's hand and we left quietly taking him back to the hospital. The tears started flowing before we even arrived and it broke my heart in two. Harry's sobs echoed off the walls of his room in the psychiatric hospital. My heart ached as I sat in the chair across from him in my dress my daughter curled against my chest sleeping soundly. He stared at me as he sobbed and I just stared back waiting for him to say something anything to let me know he was okay. Though I don't know how he could be, I just needed him to be okay. After everything we'd been through I just needed him to be okay again. He was okay before everything he was okay before and I just needed him to be okay again. His green eyes were empty, they used to sparkle when he smiled, but he doesn't smile anymore. The scar under his eye ripped my heart out every time I looked at him, I did that, I did that to him. I put that gun in his mouth I pulled the trigger it was me, I caused this. If I hadn't been such a whore he wouldn't be here and Louis wouldn't be laying in a hospital fighting for his life, but I wouldn't have my children I wouldn't be a mother, I wouldn't have Ashton.
"This isn't your fault Tatum. It's not your fault. I know that face. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault." Harry's hoarse voice ripped through my heart like a dull rusty knife slowly and painfully. A tear slid down my cheek as we stared at each other. "Louis is going to be okay. He has to be. Have you heard anything?"
" uh yeah. They said he's strong enough to come off the vent now. He can breathe on his own now. He's doing better Harry. They said he might wake up soon."
"I want to be there. I need him to know I'm there."
" Harry you've still got another month in here because you ran off before."
"I know. But you're still my medical proxy. You could sign me out. You could take me."
"Harry I-"
"Tate please I have to be there, I need to be with him."
"If I do this Harry you will stay with me. You will not go anywhere without me knowing. I cannot do this unless you swear that you will not try to hurt yourself. If you do I will bring you straight back here."
He sits up resting his elbows on his knees and staring at me.
"Thank you Tatum."
**************************************************

I stared through the glass at Harry as he held Louis's hand. Ashton bumped his shoulder against mine and I look up at him.
"You did a good thing Tate. They deserve to be together. He needed to be here with him. If that was you in that bed I'd be in that chair right next to you. I couldn't bear not being with you." I stared at him for a moment before nodding.
"It's good that he's breathing on his own now. He's getting better."
"Yeah. He is."
"He'll be okay here right? Harry I mean."
"Yeah, he will. I'll ask a nurse to keep an eye on him."
"Thank you."
I knock on the glass as Ashton goes to the nurses station Harry looks up at me and smiles softly before standing up.
"We're going to take the kids home. You call us if anything happens."
"I will. Thank you Tate." He wraps his arm around me and kisses my forehead before going back into the ICU room. Ashton takes my hand and we wander back down to the waiting room where Luke and Michael were watching Olivia and Owen. I smile when I see Michael asleep on the couch with Owen. I gently shake his shoulder and he opens his eyes slowly.
"I can't believe you guys aren't still partying with everyone else."
"It broke up early, Niall and Ashley were eager to get away. Your house is cleaned by the way." Luke said.
"Your kid cuddles like a champ. It's awesome." He says, I laugh and take Owen from him kissing his forehead before cuddling him against my chest. Michael grabs my hand and stares at me. "He's okay Tatum. They're both okay. Or they're getting there they're going to be okay. We'll all be okay again Tate. I promise."
I stared at him with my mouth open and he smiles standing up and hugging me.
"We're all going to be okay again." He whispers.
"Thank you Mikey."
He kisses my cheek and sits back down. In a haze we go home silence looming around us in a thick curtain of pain. We were hurting for our friend sitting in that hospital waiting for Louis to wake up while we sat at home. Together, with our two perfect beautiful children. Safe. Not fearing that we might lose each other and it was killing me. We laid our children between us as we waited. I don't know what exactly we were waiting for, but we waited in silence staring at each other, feeding babies, and changing diapers. I jump when my phone rings and I grab it frantically answering Harry's call.
"Harry?"
"I just wanted to talk. It's too quiet here. It's too quiet Tate."
"That's okay Harry."
"Just talk to me please."
"How about I sing to you? That always used to help. It always put you right to sleep."
"Please."
"What song?"
"That one from Anastasia you always hummed."
"Okay."
"Thank you."
"Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory
Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Once upon a December
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory
Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December"
I hear soft snores floating throw the phone and as Ashton watched a tear slipped down my cheek as I hoped Harry slept peacefully.
"Goodnight hazza we love you" I whisper before hanging up the phone and falling asleep with Ashton holding our children close.