A Selfish Kind Of Love

Anger

~Rayne's POV

The year Michael left, I had so many emotions pent inside me. Hurt, anger, regret, confusion.. All these thoughts ran through my head, what made him make this decision? and why didn't he tell me earlier so I could prepare myself for this? The entire situation was selfish and I couldn't have been more angry. But it's been three years since then, and I haven't heard one word from him, I've moved on. I moved out of my dad's house and am living on my own. I'm usually always visiting him, but recently I haven't because I see Michael's father almost every time, and each time he sees me, he reminds me that Michael left me. I should've listened to him and just left when I had the chance.

I pull into my father's driveway, ducking to hide from Joseph, it just so happened Tito was visiting their mother and unfortunately he caught a glimpse of me. "Rayne?" He smiles, walking across the street.

I really didn't want to face any of Michael's brothers, even though I loved Tito, I didn't want them to ask me anything about how I'm feeling and I didn't want to be tempted to ask about Michael. I sigh deeply, plastering a false smile on my face. "Hi." I say, embracing Tito in a small hug.

"It's so good to see you! You look great!" He says.

"Thanks, you too."

"How are you?" He asks. "Great. Great.." I answer awkwardly. "How about you?" "I've been pretty good.. After the tour we all moved outta here and I'm actually about to have a son!" He beams. "Congratulations." I smile. "Thanks. Well hey, it was great to see you!" He says making his way to his mother's home. "Yeah, definitely." I respond.

"Hey daddy." I smile. He looks back from his recliner a broad smile on his face. "Hey Rayne! What are you doing here?" "I told Sharlissa to meet me here today. Plus I wanted to visit you!" He nods. I met Sharlissa a few months after Michael left and we have grown so close, we're practically best friends. I cuddle under my dad as always. "No matter how old you are, this will never get old to me." He smiles, hugging me tightly.

Sharlissa and I head to the strip to shop for her 3 year old daughter. "Having a kid is no joke. It's like everything changes. All of a sudden you're responsible for someone else's life." She says sifting through onesies. "I'm sure it's scary." I mutter. "It is, but I love her. A mother's kind of love can't be created.. it's just there." She smiles. I shift around the store uncomfortably, pulling out dresses. "I'm sorry Rayne, I forgot about your mom.." Sharlissa says regrettably.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away last year from an overdose. Her drug problem got the worst of her and it was more than she could handle, even after rehab. I sigh, "Sharlissa it's fine, no big deal." I wave it off. "When are you gonna have a kid?" She asks me. I had never even thought of having one. I was honestly afraid, my mother raised me terribly and I didn't want to ever hurt my child like my mother hurt me. "I don't think kids are for me.." I reply. "You never know, you might love being a mom!" She smiles.

~Michael's POV

I run my thumb across her face in the photo as I strap into the plane seat. My manager sits next to me, snoring like crazy. Frank was never good on flights. With him sleeping, I had no one to talk to on long flights like this. I was coming all the way from New York  from a conference to California. After the success of Thriller, I couldn't keep track of all the things I've had to do. No matter how much my mind was cluttered, she was always running through it. Her purple shaded eyes have crept in my dreams more than once and her smile is etched into my memory. I missed her, and before I got home I was going to her house to visit her.. Hopefully she was still there. What if she's got a boyfriend? Or a kid? What if she moved? What if she's married?

The smell of mothers lemon cake woke me up in the driveway. As I hop out, I sneak a glance at Rayne's house, praying she was there today. "Michael, I missed you!" Mother screams, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "Hello mother." I grin, gasping for air. "Tito was here earlier, I wish he would've seen you!" She smiles walking into the living room to sit and talk. "Oh it's so good to have you home." She sighs. I smile again, "have you went to see Rayne across the street?" She asks.

"No not yet."

"You too were so close! You have to go see her." She exclaims.

"I will, we kinda ended badly.. I just wanted to see you first." I sigh.

I spent about 2 hours with mother before she basically pushed me out the door to go visit Rayne. I look at the door across the street and it felt like every step I took towards it, the door was moving further back. Nervous wasn't even the feeling brewing in my gut, it was more like anxiety.

I knock, standing there, humming a small tune to myself. It felt like time was moving slower and these few seconds of waiting were exaggerated into hours. Finally the door opened and those beautiful shade of purple colored eyes widened. I couldn't help but grin trying to just form my mouth to say "Hi." Her beauty struck me like lightning. She looked the same, but older, fuller, and a more mature air about her. Suddenly, I was taken out of my trance as the door slammed loudly in my face. That was not supposed to happen.

I clear my throat and knock again. "Ray?" I say softly. I knew things would be rough with us but I hoped she'd at least be willing to talk. "Please open the door.." I whine, leaning my forehead against the wood. The door opens, allowing a young lady with red hair to walk out. She smiles at me, "Michael? Big fan. Love your work" she says, shaking my hand as I frown in confusion. "Sharlissa!" I hear Rayne yell out. Sharlissa scurries past me towards her car. "Sorry!" She calls back. I'm guessing she was instructed not to speak to me. Well, the door was open, so I took this opportunity to invite myself in.

I stood at the living room entrance, before she stopped me. "Stand right there.." She commands. She sat on the furthest cushion of her long stretched L shaped couch, away from me. She wouldn't even look at me. It was clear I was in hot water. I shuffled my feet a little and began to speak. "Rayne.. Look I-" "Who do you think you are?!" She interrupts.

"I was-"

"You just left me!" Something tells me I wasn't gonna get a word in. "How could you do that to me?" She asks.

"Rayne, I was dealing with a lot at the time. I just didn't want any more distractions. I had a plan and I needed to follow through it."

"I wasn't apart of that plan huh? I was a distraction. Why even let me waste my time with you?" She scoffs.

"It was stupid, I'm sorry..." I hang my head low. "You're damn right, it was stupid. Do you have any idea how I've been feeling? I've been here blaming myself. Trying to figure out what I did for you to leave me.." She walks to stand in front of me, my face lifts from her painted toes to her beautifully framed face. "If it's any consolation.. I thought about you all the time." I catch a slight glance at vulnerability in her eyes before she smacks the side of my face. "I deserved that.." I say holding my cheek. Then to my surprise, her lips meet mine. This is what I missed, her touch, even if it was a hand to the face. Her lips, scent, her attitude. I grab her waste tighter as we continue our passionate kiss. We pull apart slowly, her lip falling back into place. Another hand across my cheek before she walks back to her seat on the couch. This time I follow her, "Really?!" I say rubbing the side of my face. I join her on the couch. "Yes really! Do you have any idea how angry I am at you?" She yells. "How I felt when you just up and left me?" She scoffs, "I felt like I should've just left you alone when your father told me to. Why would you just disappear on me like that?" I sigh, "that night we went on our last date, I found out I have a skin disease, it's been turning me lighter. I found it on my hand but had been covering it up with make up. I had to leave that house, my brothers were spiteful and hated that my album was so successful. Rayne I was just really stressed out.."

"Why not talk to me? Any other time you do.. What changed?"

"I saw how sad you were with your mother and her addiction and I just didn't want to put anymore weight on your shoulders.. That's why I left.." I grab her hand, running my thumb across her knuckles. She chews her bottom lip, I grin. "Are you trying to find another reason to be angry at me right now?" She smirks, nodding. "I'm sorry!" I laugh, "seriously.. I am." I hug her tightly, her head nestles under my chin. "I missed you!" She says swatting my chest. I laugh, "I missed you too."