A Selfish Kind Of Love

Promises and Vows

~Rayne's POV

Today was not an exciting day. Michael realized, we were in Detroit and that my mother was buried here. I'd hoped he had forgotten but of course, he didn't. The next morning, after a quick breakfast, he and I headed to the cemetery. I sat in the backseat, my stomach in knots. I let out a deep sigh, my breath fogging the window.

"What's on your mind?" Michael asks, I simply roll my eyes. "I can't believe you're making me go to this grave site." I shake my head.

"Once won't kill you. You need to have closure with your mother."

"She didn't care about me when she was alive, it's not gonna happen." I shrug. He heaved a heavy sigh as we pull into the cemetery. Bill stepped out to grab the location of my mother's grave.

I let out a small whine. "Ray, just 5 minutes." He says, squeezing my hand. "I don't even know what to do." I groan.

"Talk to her, her body may be gone but her spirit still surrounds you. Tell her about your life. She'll hear you."

Michael hops out the car, offering a hand to help me out. I stood there and her tombstone stared me in the face. All of a sudden, I couldn't move my feet from where they stood. Michael tugged at my hand a little, snapping me out of my fear and I walked toward her.

"Tammi Brent-Fleeson. Beloved Mother, Wife and Friend. 1937-1987" her tombstone read. I took a seat on the grass in front of it and just started talking.

"This is weird." I sigh. "I feel like I'm talking to myself. Knowing you, I probably am... You never listened to me. Well, the last time we 'spoke' I was single again." I chuckle. "I remember you told me I'd stay single cause I didn't know how to keep a man. Well.. I'm getting married now, So in your face." I say, flashing my engagement ring. "I can't sit here and talk to you like you're not a horrible person, because you are. You always wondered why I moved away from you. I always wondered why you hated me. All I wanted to do was have a mom who loved me. But you told me I didn't deserve love from anyone. Why did you hate me so much?" I whimper, letting tears fall. "I had no choice but to love you. For the first few years of my life, We were perfect, you were my mommy. Until grandma died, and you changed.. Then dad left.." I inhaled deeply. "You made me feel like it was my fault. You made me feel ugly and I was always in pain. I'm so glad that you're not here, so you can't put me through anything else. I'm finally happy and there's nothing you can say to hurt me." I say slowly changing from a whimper to a sob. "I just wanted you to be proud of me and who I've become without you." I say, proceeding to cry, burying my face in my hands.

Michael quietly sits next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, rubbing my back softly. For about 5 minutes, I cried, There was nothing but silence, just the sound of my tears. Most of these tears came from me realizing she was really gone, and some came from happiness. She and I could both finally be at peace.

We sit back in the car, as Michael strokes my knuckles. I felt him watching me, his eyes averting from my face to the ground. "I'm proud of you." He says, running a hand through my curls. I nod. He brings my forehead to his lips and leans my head onto his shoulder.

***

We were finally back in California, Michael was due to perform at the Grammy's tonight. He was nominated for 3 awards and we knew he'd win all of them.

This is Michael and I's first public appearance as an engaged couple, as we walked the red carpet, all I could hear was the shouts of paparazzi asking to see the ring. I hold my hand up, a proud grin on Michael's face as he stood to the side allowing me to take solo pictures. I grabbed his arm, bringing him closer to me, so he could be in the pictures. Now that we were engaged, there was no more "I" only "Us."