GOD IS GREATER. :)

Loyalty Test

Mahigit isang taon na akong naka manifesto. Una akong pumirma doon nung bakasyon pa-fourth year college ako noon. Sobra akong excited na magkaroon ng mas malalim na relasyon kay Lord. Yun talagang intimate relationship na tipong wala na akong hahanapin pa. Though alam ko naman na sa pagmamahal pa lang ni Lord, kompleto na tayo. Gusto kong ituon ang buong atensyon ko sa Kanya noon. Iyong tuluyan ng mawala yung distansya namin. Wala ng "one foot one foot" ika nga ni Lola Nidora.

I want to love Him the best way that I can. Because He deserves the best of me. Best of my time, my feelings and my devotion.

Pero hindi ko ikakaila na may isang tao ring nag udyok sa akin na mag manifesto. Wala siyang ideya na isa siya sa dahilan ko kung bakit ako nauwi sa ganoong desisyon. Pagod na akong masaktan, na paulit ulit. Dahil sa iisang tao at iisang dahilan. He didn't love me enough. Or did he even love me? I don't know. Basta ang alam ko ay hindi naging sapat ang nararamdaman niya sakin para ako ang piliin niya.

I signed the manifesto to keep myself away from "that guy". Aminado ako na mahirap siyang kalimutan at baliwalain, lalo na at naroon parin ang "feelings" ko sa kanya. Pero dahil sa pagmamahal ni Lord, napagtagumpayan ko iyon.

Its been a year and the feeling is gone. Sabi nga sa kanta, "I remember the boy, but I don't remember the feelings anymore." With God's grace, I was able to forget. Iyong akala kong "deep feelings" noon ay mabilis na nawala. Iba talaga pag si Lord ang kumilos sa buhay natin, e. Even the hardest path are taken easily.

Pero sa ikalawang manifesto ko ay wala ng taong involved. Sa amin nalang talaga ni Lord iyon. I renew my contract to manifesto because I want to experience Him more,  I want to get even closer to Him and I want to have an unbreakable relationship with Him. A relationship that no one can destroy.

It was exactly last Valentine's Day, February 14, 2015, when I renew my manifesto. I know that sounds kinda' weird. It was Valentine's Day. Where couples usually spend their days together and single finds their date. But I was on the church and committing myself to God. But believe it or not? It was the best feeling ever. Spending my valentine's day with my true love, with our great love, which is God. I made a promise to Him that I will spend another one year with intimacy with Him. Focusing on our relationship and keeping a faithful heart. I know it was not easy, but nothing is too difficult when we have God. As it written, "If God is for us? Who can be against us?" No one. No one will ever dare to temp God's children. No one will dare to touch us nor to hurt us. Their strength will never be enough to make us fall. Because God's power and love will always be our ultimate shield.

Pero darating talaga sa puntong masusubok tayo. Gustuhin man natin  o hindi, testing comes in life. For us to be assessed kung hanggang saan na ba tayo. Kung gaano na ba tayo katatag at gaano na ba tayo ka-faithful.

Kasi tayo e. Ang dali magsalita kapag okay ang lahat at walang thrill, pero kapag andyan na yung pagsubok, doon totoong nasusuri ang puso natin. Doon lumilitaw ang totoong tayo. No filter, no sugarcoating. Kasi sa mata ni Lord, nakikita niya kahit ang pinakakatago nating lihim. We are transparent in His eyes. Even the things that we ourselves can't figure out and don't understand, He knows it. He looks into our hearts, not just in our mind.

I had a crush. Oo, siguro healthy pang pakinggan para sa iba. "Crush lang naman, e. Wala naming masama. Normal lang ang humanga." But mind you, he is no ordinary man. Mataas siyang tao. Yes, you got it right. He is one of the boss. Ang totoo, nung una, ni hindi ako attracted sa kanya. Really. May hitsura siya, yes. Pero he's not my type. Nag umpisa lang ang paghanga ko sa kanya dahil sa isang kasamahan ko sa trabaho na may crush din sa kanya. Tuwing nakikita niya iyon ay palagi niyang sinasabi. "Ang cute niya  no?" Ako naman ay tahimik lang at hindi kumikibo. Pero hindi ko namalayan, nang tumagal ay nagkaroon na rin ako ng interest sa kanya. Para kasing napaisip ako, "Ano bang meron sa kanya?" Unconsciously, that brings me to admiring him too.