I Miss You, Daddy

7 - news

                I woke up inside Uncle Li's car. Uncle Niall was there. I was sleeping on his lap. He looked like he didn't sleep because his eyes were so red. I asked him where Mum was, and he told me he didn't want to leave you. You were here, Daddy!

                I told Uncle Niall I wanted to see you, but he looked really sad to hear that. He called Uncle Louis on his phone, and he cried a little while he did. After that, he carried me. I hoped he was taking me to see you, Daddy, because I missed you so much.

We sat on a bench inside the hospital, then I remembered my dream. It was so sad, Daddy. Mum and all your friends were crying, and I can't see you anywhere. If you were there, maybe they weren't so sad. What's wrong, Daddy? Even in my dreams you don't want me to see you.

Mum got to us. She was with Uncle Louis. She took me from Uncle Niall, carried me and hugged me so tight. "I'm so sorry, baby," she said, just like it my dream.

I told Mum about my dream. She cried when I did, but I said it's okay because it's over now. I wiped her tears away, but she was still crying. Uncle Louis called us then, and we came to him. "It's time for you to go home," he told Mum.

But Mum didn't want to go home. She wanted to stay here. "I'm not going to leave Zayn," she said. You're here, Daddy? Why didn't I see you yet?

She passed me to Uncle Louis, then we started to walk out of the hospital. I asked him and Mum where you were, and no one said anything. They put me in Uncle Li's car, and I heard Uncle Louis say he was going to bring me home. I don't want to go home! I want to see my Daddy! I started to cry, but they didn't try to make me feel better. They cried too.

"Daddy's gone, baby."

Mum said those three words. You left already? I thought Mum didn't want to leave you? That means you're here. But they said you're gone. Daddy, where are you going? All your friends are here.

Uncle Louis closed the door for a while, but I could hear him and Mum talking. "It's going to be okay," he told Mum when he hugged her.

"Nothing will be okay!" Mum shouted, but it was not the really loud kind of shout. She cried again. Mum, stop crying. "Zayn's gone."

"It will get -"

"Zayn's dead, Lou!" This time Mum's voice was really loud. She started to sob then ran into the hospital.

Dead? Daddy, what's that? Uncle Louis got in the car, and I asked him, but he didn't answer. I kept quiet while Uncle Louis drove because I remember Mum kept getting mad when I talk to you while you drive.  She said drivers are only supposed to focus on the road. I don't want anyone to get in an accident.

We got home. Uncle Louis asked me if I wanted to sleep, and I told him, "No, I want to see Daddy." He just sighed and fixed up the house. Is he mad at you, Daddy? He really doesn't want to say anything about you, and that's annoying.

He brought me to my room and told me to sleep. I didn't want to because I wanted to see you, but I feel really tired already.

Good night, Daddy!

March 13, 2019

                I turned on the telly while Uncle Louis was in the kitchen. I watched the show for a while. It was that show you and Mum love watching, the one where they made nice cakes. The show ended after a while. Adverts were on, then the news, and I can't find the remote so I watched that. I can't understand the girl who was talking. News reporters always talk so fast. Then the pictures came out, and they were talking about a car accident. The big words on the bottom appeared, and I tried to read them out loud. "Zayn.

"Mal - no - ma - lik." Daddy, that's you!

"Dies?

"In.

"Car.

"A - as - no - ak - see - dent."

What? I looked at the pictures and saw your car. The next thing was a video. A man had his head on the wheel, and other people tried to lift him up and get him out of his car. When they started to pull the man away from the wheel, I saw the wounds on his head.

Then I saw his face.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"

I ran to the TV and shouted louder. That was you! What happened, Daddy? You have so many wounds and bruises and blood on your face. I kept screaming "Daddy" while I cried. Daddy, that's you. My daddy's hurt.

Then Uncle Louis it of then carried me away.

"Uncle Louis, I want to see my daddy."

I threw a tantrum at him. I wanted to see my Daddy. He was in the car crash, and I wanted to know he was okay.

Uncle Louis said he will take me to you. He took me to the table to eat first. After that, he asked me if I wanted his help to take a bath, and I said yes. I was afraid to slip on the floor again because you weren't here. He helped me, then he said I could pick out my clothes and change.

After that, we went out. I slept again because it was a long drive. Uncle Louis shook me to wake up. He was about to carry me, but I said I wanted to walk.

I thought we were going to the hospital again, but we went to a different place. I wasn't able to read the sign. We walked by it too fast. Uncle Louis led us straight to the security guard. "Malik," Uncle Louis said, and the guard nodded and gave a direction.

"My condolences, Sir," the guard added.

I don't understand what's going on, Daddy. We walked around the whole building. It was hidden where we were now. There was an open door made of glass. Uncle Harry was there waiting. A lot of people there were in black, and all of them looked sad. Uncle Harry took me when Uncle Louis said, "I don't want to see."

We walked down the middle, and people looked at us. There were so many people here, but I didn't know everyone. I looked forward.

"Mum!" I quietly shouted when I saw her. She turned around and smiled a little when she saw me. I started to hear people whisper when Mum carried me and stood up.

"Where's Daddy?" I asked her, and tears started to fall out of her eyes. Mum is always crying now. It made me remember the news. "Is Daddy okay?"

Mum walked to the front of the room. There was a big white box there, Daddy. When we got closer, you were there. "Daddy!"

I tried to touch you, but there was glass blocking me from your face. "Daddy!" I said again. You were sleeping. "Is Daddy okay?" I asked Mum.

She shook her head, and I was shocked. You're not okay? "Daddy? Daddy, wake up!" I knocked on the glass, then Mum pulled me away.

You and Mum always told me I was a smart little girl, but I don't understand what's happening.

Mum told me that was enough. No, that's not enough for me, Daddy. You weren't okay, and I wanted to see you when you woke up. Mum started crying again, and I started to do the same. I was so worried about you, Daddy.

                It was Uncle Louis who brought me to our house that night. He said sorry that you couldn't be with me. I told him it was okay because Mum was watching you. I also said sorry to him for my tantrum a while ago. He said it was fine. Then he sang me to sleep.

I miss it when you sing me to sleep.

I miss your voice, Daddy.