Dear Gang Leader - 35

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The house was dark, not a noise came other than her rapid breathing. Trying her hardest to ignore the burning in her chest, she tiptoed through the house. Everything was just like it was yet it felt so... different. A new kind of hurt piled on top of all the others. The hurt of Gordon actually hating her. She may have denied it, but all along she though tat Gordon cared, and only... attacked her due to his anger management. Now she'd accepted that it was all fake and she hated it. The new pain like salt to a wound. She shouldn't care she thinks. But she does. Shaking her head, she hurries herself up. She didn't come to think. She came for her book. The one that flew to the floor when Gordon beat her and threw the shelf on her. 

She remembered the Navy cover - the image so vivid. She remembered the little graffiti work she'd done on the front when she was bored in class. Avery.N. The book that was her only source of peace. The only thing she could confess her life to. Now she wanted it more than ever. Growling she kicked more books out of the way. Where was it?. 

She kicked another crate to find nothing. More and more things were kicked out of the way or thrown across the room. By the time she was done, she had nothing but heavy breathing and a sweat covered body. She looked around the upturned room in vain, the memories finally forced their way bast her barrier and it came out so real. She could see Gordon slamming her into the wall - then the crate. 

Unable to take it; she dropped to the floor clutching her knees - for the second time in many years, tears flowed from her eyes - vulnerability cascading over her. She felt like a little girl. She cried her eyes puffy and red. Not caring that she was in the house where she almost died. When she finally stopped, she explored the rest of the house, drinking in how different it felt. Realizing she didn't care, she took a shower and pulled on a fresh pair of clothes before heading home looking presentable. Her mind was blank except for one thing - her book. 



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