Love is difficult- Ziam / Larry / Nosh

Chapter nine

Okay this is dedicate to Elena_XoX because she made my day with her comment on the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one :) Xxx

Chapter nine

[Liam’s P.O.V.]

“Liam is everything okay or was it worse than you want to tell me?” My mother asked and put a hand on my knee while we were in the living room sitting on the sofa.

I got from work and I just wanted to watch a bit TV to get myself a bit distracted but it wasn’t possible. Zayn was still in my mind all the time. His messages made my heart break but I just couldn’t answer. I need to show him that he hurt me.

I turned and faced my mother smiling. “Mom, stop worrying. I already told you that I am fine. Zayn and I just need a bit space. That is all.” I said trying to not sound shaky.

She pressed her lips in a thin line and looked at me worried. “You talk to me when there is something bothering you.” She said and I nodded. With that she went to the kitchen probably starting dinner.

I looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath which sounded shaky. I can’t cry again. I rubbed my eyes and stood up. I sighed and walked towards the stairs which led me to my room. As I reached it I let myself fall on my old bed. I clutched the pillow tight against my chest and pressed my face hard against. I threw the blanket over me and my nose became thick and I knew that I would probably cry again. The tears are slowly creeping out of my eyes again but I couldn’t cry over again. I sniffed and the tears fell down my cheek and made the pillow wet.

My inner mantra just repeats his name all the time. Zayn, Zayn, Zayn, Zayn.

I pulled away from the pillow and looked at my phone on the night stand. I heard it vibrating. Without looking on it I knew that this is Zayn. He needs to stop otherwise I couldn’t bear with it anymore.

I turned around that I am not facing my phone anymore and closed my eyes. Zayn, Zayn, Zayn, Zayn. I love him and leaving him was the hardest thing but what else should I do? Tears escaped through my closed eyes making my cheeks wet.

Why was everything like that? I never knew the reason behind this all. I want to know. I want to help him but I can’t if it hurts me. I couldn’t help but feel selfish. He is also hurt when I was leaving. He probably is in the same state like me. His texts were enough proof but what if I would come back to him. He would be angry at me for me leaving him no matter how much we love us.

My breaths got shakier because I am breathing through my mouth. My nose is a mess and I sniffed a lot.

My phone vibrated again and I remained my eyes close. I want the good times back. I remember the time we were in my bed. We cuddled and kissed and we had our first time in this bed.

Fuck. I had the most amazing times here in this room with the person I love the most in which I try to recover. I clutched the bed sheets beside me and tried to forget for a second; to forget the pain I feel; to forget that Zayn and I may be history and remember and imagine me and Zayn in happy days.

I smiled while I thought back to our first vacation. We flew to the North Sea. It was just for three days but it was amazing. He was so gentle to me all the time.

I finally opened my eyes seeing everything blurred.

Without knowing what I did I took my phone and opened the message. I knew that it may pain me but I need to see his words. They give me a secure feeling that he might not be angry. His words are good for my soul.